Arrival

Evening mountain glow
A sword and one lonely shoe
Oh, Canada, eh?

After several weeks of planning, packing, re-packing, contingency planning, worrying about sword cases, worrying about airports, worrying about trains, worrying about whether I had forgotten something important, and generally behaving exactly like someone about to leave for a week-long trip with a samurai sword, I finally headed north to Vancouver.

The day began at approximately 4:45 a.m., which is an hour best experienced only under protest (thank you, UberSharon™ 😊).

The flight itself provided an unexpected gift. We happened to be on the Mt. Hood side of the aircraft on a spectacularly clear morning. Mt. Hood was magnificent—snow-covered, sharp, and seemingly close enough to touch. It was so beautiful that I committed what would normally be considered a social crime and gently woke the sweet Japanese woman seated beside me, who was on her umpteenth hour of travel from Tokyo, so she wouldn’t miss it.

Fortunately, she was delighted rather than annoyed.

She immediately (and apologetically) leaned over me and began taking photographs.

Many photographs.

Approximately all of the photographs.

I’m choosing to believe this creates a cosmic obligation for Mt. Fuji to return the favor when I am riding the Shinkansen from Tokyo to Kyoto later this year.

The next challenge involved Lady Nene.

For those who have not been following along, Lady Nene is my iaito, and transporting a sword by commercial airline always feels like an experiment conducted by people with questionable judgment.

The good news: United accepted the case without drama.

The better news: the sword arrived.

The cut lock, with some of Lady Nene’s covering’s silk threads caught in the tape, showing she gave valiantly not to be violated….

The mildly annoying news: TSA had cut my lock, opened the case, and re-secured it with zip ties.

The best news: all of my ridiculous contingency planning turned out to be entirely justified.

Weeks ago, while planning for this trip, I had packed zip ties and a nail clipper specifically in case this happened. The lock wasn’t there for decoration; the sword case needs something securing it closed during transit. If TSA decided to remove the lock, I needed a Plan B for getting Lady Nene home.

At the time, this felt slightly paranoid.

As it turns out, it was simply prudent.

Waiting at oversized baggage was its own form of entertainment. Gathered around the carousel were a howling dog, four golf bags, two enormous bicycle cases, a giant conga drum painted with roses, and eventually Lady Nene herself.

It felt less like baggage claim and more like an island for misfit luggage.

From there, one by one, the things I had worried about began quietly fading.

The sword arrived.

The train was effortless.

The hotel was exactly where Chad said it would be.

Even getting lost turned out to be temporary.

For weeks I had maintained a low-level anxiety about Vancouver transit. Trains. Tickets. Machines. Wrong platforms. The usual travel concerns.

The reality?

Tap credit card.

Get on train.

Get off train.

Tap credit card.

That was literally the entire system.

I had spent weeks worrying about something that turned out to require approximately three seconds of effort.

My next challenge was navigating from the train station to the Pan Pacific Hotel.

Normal people would have opened Google Maps.

I did not.

This is because I apparently did not feel I required directional support.

I felt I required Emotional Directional Support™.

At no point did I think, “I should open the device in my hand that is capable of determining my exact location on Earth.”

Instead, I texted Chad.

To his credit, Chad responded in the style of an experienced concierge rather than a frustrated cartographer.

Basically, my navigation methodology was simple:

  1. Follow the wind (wind comes from water, right?).
  2. Walk three city blocks.
  3. Start becoming suspicious (no water yet…).
  4. Open phone.
  5. Ask Chad.
  6. Turn around.
  7. Follow Chad.
  8. Keep texting streets I am passing for Emotional Directional Support™.
  9. See the sails.
  10. Receive “Atta Girl!” from Chad.
  11. Arrive.

No navigation expert would endorse this approach.

Yet somehow it worked perfectly.

I was staying at the hotel H and I would have chosen the last time we were in Vancouver, more than a decade ago for our 10th anniversary.

Back then, the Pan Pacific Club Floor felt a little too extravagant for us. So did the restaurants we looked at longingly and promised we’d come back to someday—perhaps for our 20th anniversary.

Life, of course, had other plans.

The real arrival moment, though, happened not at the airport, not at the train station, and not even at the hotel front desk.

It happened upstairs, gazing out the windows of the Club Lounge on the 23rd floor.

There was lemon water.

There were mountains.

There was the harbor.

Floatplanes drifted across the water.

For the first time all day there was nowhere I needed to be.

No luggage to move—they had exchanged it for a claim ticket when I walked in.

No train to catch.

No directions to figure out (thanks, Chad).

No logistics to solve. The concierge simply said, “Let me know your claim ticket number. We’ll put it in your room when it’s ready.”

Just a comfortable chair and a view.

Ah.

A little later I settled in with a cup of Earl Grey tea, a few Turkish apricots, and the realization that something important had quietly shifted.

It wasn’t excitement I felt.

It was relief.

I wasn’t traveling anymore.

I had arrived.

Outside the windows, harbor seals played in the water below.

A bald eagle flew so close to the hotel that conversations stopped and heads turned.

The smaller birds immediately began harassing it, proving once again that size alone does not determine confidence.

The travel infrastructure, meanwhile, received excellent marks.

The white button-down shirt survived a 4:45 a.m. departure, airport security, a flight, a train ride, an extended Vancouver wandering expedition in the hot sun, and hotel arrival while still somehow staying respectable—even crisp.

The Honeylove layer was flawless.

The dark Lee jeans were comfortable and civilized.

The Walk Shop shoes carried me through airports, trains, sidewalks, wrong turns, and correct turns without ever becoming the topic of conversation—which is the highest compliment I can give footwear.

Speaking of shoes . . .

Later that evening, before dinner, I implemented a travel trick I had recently learned.

When placing valuables in the hotel safe, include one shoe.

Passport.

Wallet.

Cash.

One shoe.

The logic is simple.

Future Sandy may forget valuables in the safe.

Future Sandy is unlikely to leave the hotel wearing only one shoe.

I am pleased to report that the system appears foolproof.

Or at least Sandy-proof.

At 5:30 that evening, I had a reservation at a restaurant called Five Sails.

There was champagne.

There was a sommelier from Avignon.

There was a forest floor made of bones.

There were flowers.

And it deserves a post all its own.

The Packing Tornado

There was a period of approximately twenty years during which my husband Herbert and I prepared for every trip in exactly the same way.

Herbert packed.

I did not.

This is not entirely accurate.

I eventually packed.

But first there was a process.

The process generally began the evening before departure.

At 4:17 p.m., Herbert would already be packed.

Passport where it belonged.

Shaving kit where it belonged.

A small pile of neatly folded clothing.

Everything calmly arranged.

Then he would sit down in a chair with a Negroni.

The Negroni is important.

At 4:18 p.m., he would ask:

“Are you packed yet?”

To which I would inevitably reply:

“I’M WORKING ON IT!”

This statement was technically true.

I was working on it.

The work simply bore no resemblance to what most people would recognize as packing.

Over the next several hours I would migrate through the house carrying various combinations of:

  • one shoe
  • three shirts
  • a passport
  • two charging cables
  • a mysterious scarf
  • an unidentified object I had apparently decided was absolutely essential

At some point I would announce:

“I HAVE NOTHING TO WEAR.”

At which point Herbert would take a sip of his Negroni and continue observing.

The thing I remember most vividly is that he tracked all of this with his eyes.

Not commenting.

Not helping.

Not judging.

Just watching.

Like a tennis match.

I would run through the room. Nekkid.

This was not as alarming as it sounds.

The reason I was nekkid was because, naturally, all laundry had to be completed before departure. This meant I had successfully washed every item of clothing except the ones required to be packed or worn on the airplane.

So I would streak (literally) through the room carrying:

  • one shoe
  • a blouse
  • two charging cables
  • a passport
  • and no pants

His eyes would follow.

Sip.

A few minutes later I would run back the other direction carrying an entirely different set of objects.

His eyes would follow.

Sip.

After enough years, Herbert had developed a highly refined understanding of The Packing Tornado.

Most importantly, he had learned Rule Number One:

Stay out of the flight path.

This was not a metaphor.

This was a survival strategy.

If he entered the flight path, he immediately became part of the logistics problem.

“Are you going to . . .”

“NOT NOW.”

“Can I put this in the suitcase?”

“NO.”

“Do you need help?”

“I HAVE A SYSTEM.”

At which point Herbert would reply:

“Mmmm.”

That “Mmmm” carried a remarkable amount of information.

It did not mean:

“I believe there is a system.”

It meant:

“I acknowledge that you have used the word ‘system.'”

Then he would sip his Negroni and remain at a safe distance.

The funny thing is that we were both right all along.

From the outside, the process looked like a Category 5 weather event.

Yet somehow, every single time:

  • the passport appeared
  • the chargers appeared
  • the clothes appeared
  • the suitcase closed

Eventually Herbert reached the point where he no longer questioned the process.

He didn’t understand it.

But he had enough historical data to conclude that it was reproducible.

Twenty years of evidence suggested that despite all appearances, I would eventually become packed.

This afternoon, while preparing for a trip to an iaido seminar in Nanaimo, I realized something unsettling.

Somehow I have become, slightly, Herbert.

Not entirely.

Let’s not get carried away.

I am currently engaged in what can only be described as “inside sword case Tetris.”

I am debating the geometry of blue ice packs.

I recently spent an embarrassing amount of time worrying about how to take the train from the Vancouver airport into downtown.

(The answer, incidentally, is that you tap your credit card and get on the train. That’s it. I spent time worrying about a process that Chad summarized in seven words, once I thought to actually ask.)

But something has changed.

My shaving kit (formerly H’s shaving kit) now stays packed.

My travel drawer has systems.

My passport has a home.

My chargers have a home.

And, yes, my clothes are actually still on.

The things that used to require fresh decisions every trip have become infrastructure.

And I suddenly understand why Herbert could pack in the morning for almost any trip while I was still running around the house like a nude logistics consultant the night before.

He wasn’t better at packing.

He simply refused to make the same decision twice.

Now, when I find myself creating travel systems, or reducing friction, or leaving the shaving kit packed between trips, I sometimes imagine Herbert watching from his chair.

Negroni in hand.

Tracking events with his eyes.

Taking a sip.

And asking:

“Are you packed yet?”

To which, twenty years later, I would probably still answer:

“I’M WORKING ON IT!”

And somewhere in the pause that follows, I can almost hear him say:

“Mmmm.”

Which, as it turns out, was probably the closest thing to “I love you” that The Packing Tornado ever required.

Map Folded Again

Gentle traveler
seventy years beside her
map folded again

Dr. James E. Shepard, M.D., F.A.C.P., beloved husband, father, grandfather, physician, traveler, and lifelong student of the world, passed away peacefully at the age of 92.

Born in Franklin, New Hampshire, Jim combined a sharp intellect, deep curiosity, and gentle humor throughout his life. He was married to the love of his life, Sally-Jean Shepard (née Shupert), for nearly seventy years — a partnership marked by enduring affection, shared adventures, and countless journeys together. After a whirlwind courtship of just a few months, they married and never really stopped traveling side by side.

Dr. Shepard graduated from Tilton School, Wesleyan University, and Weill Cornell Medical College. His medical training began at Bassett Hospital in Cooperstown, New York, before he served as an Army physician at Ft. Story, Virginia Beach, Virginia. Following his military service, he completed additional medical training at UCSF and went on to build a distinguished career in nephrology and internal medicine in Marin County.

Over more than six decades in medicine, he became a respected leader in the medical community, serving as Chief of Medicine and Chairman of the Intensive Care Unit at Marin General Hospital. He helped establish one of the earliest dialysis programs in California, becoming part of a pioneering generation of physicians who transformed kidney care.

Though many physicians of his generation were grandfathered into specialty status, Jim chose to undergo formal board certification in both internal medicine and nephrology — reflecting the integrity, discipline, and professional standards that defined his life and work. He was elected a Fellow of the American College of Physicians (F.A.C.P.) and later served as a clinical faculty member affiliated with UCSF. Following his years in clinical practice, he continued working as a medical consultant and expert witness well into his later years.

Outside of medicine, Jim loved travel, conversation, golf, tennis, and learning. He and Sally explored the world together for decades; maps in hand, curiosity leading the way. Always dapper, he was rarely seen at an event without one of his signature hand-tied bow ties. He was an Emeritus Life Member of the Mill Valley Tennis Club, where he enjoyed both the game and the friendships surrounding it.

He is survived by his wife, Sally-Jean Shepard; daughters Sandy Shepard Wolfram and Elisabeth Shepard; granddaughter Leann McFalls; and great-grandsons Caleb and Cody McFalls.

He will be remembered for his kindness, intelligence, silly wit, and the steady generosity with which he moved through the world.

In remembrance of Jim’s lifelong generosity and concern for others, the family suggests donations to local food banks in lieu of flowers. A private Celebration of Life will be held later in the year.

December 8, 1933 – May 19, 2026

Travel Angels

Lost! Panic begins . . .
That shortness of breath, then dread . . .
Kindness appearing

My father used to call them “Travel Angels.”

Not guardian angels in the theological sense.

More like:

unexpected humans who appear precisely when travel has started unraveling around you.

He encountered them often.

Partly because he traveled frequently. But also, I think now, perhaps because he moved through the world in a way that allowed them to appear.

When I was in law school, I spotted a tiny classified advertisement looking for airline couriers. This was back before modern digital document transfer had completely taken over everything. Courier companies needed people willing to “carry” time-sensitive paperwork internationally, because freight check deadlines were too early for last-minute legal or business documents.

So the company would:

  • buy you a plane ticket,
  • check the documents as your baggage,
  • and send you somewhere.

You would then spend a week or two traveling on your own before eventually meeting another courier-company representative at the airport to receive your return ticket home.

This part always stressed me out on Dad’s behalf far more than it stressed him out.

The entire arrangement had a very:

“Well, hopefully someone named Klaus will materialize near Gate 14 with my ticket home” energy.

Sometimes the company even paid you.

Sometimes you paid them a tiny amount instead.

My father — a physician with an absurdly busy practice — somehow turned this into a semi-regular hobby.

Every week he’d receive a fax listing possible destinations. If he could leave immediately, the trip was essentially free. Otherwise, he could pay a pittance, and “book ahead.”

And so, through a combination of spontaneity, logistics loopholes, and what now feels like another geological era of travel, my 6’7″ father periodically vanished off to parts unknown.

He slept in strange accommodations.
Once, according to family lore, in a girls’ dormitory in Japan.

(Cue size 16 feet off the end of a single bed)

At some point during one of these trips, he found himself turned around and bewildered in Tokyo. A tiny Japanese girl took his hand and guided him where he needed to go.

The visual contrast alone still makes me laugh.

A giant rangy doctor stooping along behind a tiny determined child.

He loved that story.

But more than that, he loved what it represented.

Travel Angels.

People who appeared unexpectedly at exactly the moment disorientation tipped toward distress.

At the time, I mostly thought this was one of Dad’s charming travel phrases.

Now I think he was identifying something real.

After Africa, on the long journey home, I landed in Frankfurt exhausted beyond language. Not pleasantly tired. Strange-time-zone, emotionally untethered, post-travel exhausted.

At baggage claim, the lanyard clip holding my phone snapped (unbeknownst to me).

I realized it as I was leaving bag check. Lanyard around neck . . . suspiciously light.

No phone.

And in modern travel, losing your phone is not merely losing your phone.

It is losing:

  • boarding passes,
  • maps,
  • contacts,
  • hotel information,
  • banking,
  • translation,
  • communication,
  • orientation,
  • identity.

It is the tiny glowing rectangle that now contains your ability to move through the world.

I remember the sharp cold wave of panic.

Then, as I walked toward some slightly fierce Germanic Customs officials, I heard someone call out softly:

“Shepard?”

Far across the terminal floor, a fellow traveler — a small Asian man, clearly also just passing through Frankfurt himself — was standing there holding my phone.

Every ten seconds or so he would call again, tentatively:

“Shepard?”

The whole thing felt slightly surreal.

He didn’t speak English. I don’t think he spoke German either.

He had apparently extracted my name and appearance from my driver’s license tucked into the back of the phone case, then stationed himself there waiting for the owner to appear.

I hugged him immediately, despite the fact that I had been traveling for approximately fourteen thousand years and probably looked like a jet-lagged giraffe.

Travel Angel.

And increasingly, these are the moments that stay with me most vividly.

Not necessarily:

  • famous landmarks,
  • expensive experiences,
  • or “top ten” sights.

Instead:

  • a stranger waiting at a counter,
  • a ryokan quietly trying to solve a breakfast problem,
  • a guide, without drama, printing out the itinerary every day for a traveler without What’s App, and insisting upon accompanying another to ensure she obtained necessary meds,
  • someone carrying a marble across the world for me,
  • small acts of attentiveness,
  • humanity briefly breaking through the machinery.

I think my travel style has changed over the years.

When H and I first traveled together, I blogged largely because H had a terrible memory and wanted us to be able to remember everything later when we sorted through photos. The writing became highly informational. If it was Monday, we were in Istanbul and here were seventeen historical facts and six architectural observations.

But somewhere along the way — maybe during Africa, maybe even before — travel itself started shifting for me.

Less:

covering ground.

More:

allowing resonance.

And maybe that is partly what my father was doing all along.

Not simply moving through countries.

Moving through them open enough for humanity to enter the story.

I suspect that’s why he noticed Travel Angels everywhere.

You have to leave a little room for them.

And honestly?

I think the world may contain more of them than we realize.

My father was always on the lookout.

I think I am now, too.

Thermonuclear Corgis (in Sweaters)

Cold station platform
thermonuclear corgis
snuggle in my gloves

I have been slowly purchasing items for both my Fall and Winter Japan trips on Amazon.

After reading reviews, I intended to buy “a few” Korean warming pads to test for Winter Japan.

What arrived instead was a surprisingly dense box containing thirty thermonuclear lava corgis.

This happened because I apparently possess a very specific shopping blindness in which my brain sees:

  • “only twenty dollars”

and completely fails to process:

  • “thirty units.”

The last time this happened, I accidentally purchased enough Clorox wipes to survive a medium-sized public health event.

This time, I appear prepared for several winters and possibly a minor polar expedition.

The warming pads themselves are good sized — bigger than my (big) hand. They stay soft and squishable after “activation” (Booming ‘dubbed anime’ voice: Activaaaate The Corrrrgis!!!).

Each one is decorated with ecstatic cartoon corgis chasing bones beneath flowers and hearts while enthusiastically shouting:

HAPPY FRIENDS!

This feels less like branding and more like a declaration of intent.

The truly amazing part is that they work.

Not “pleasantly warm for twenty minutes” work.

I activated one this afternoon and tucked it into my waistband while doing chores around the house.

Five and a half hours later, it was still hot.

Not warm.

Hot.

At one point I absentmindedly squished it in my hand and apparently redistributed the thermal core because the thing surged back to life with the intensity of a tiny geological event.

At this point I no longer fully understand the laws of thermodynamics, but I trust the lava corgis.

The absurdity is heightened by the fact that the pads come with a tiny knit sleeve so you don’t burn yourself.

Somewhere, a designer looked at these cheerful portable reactors and thought:

“These should also have kitten sweaters.”

I already love them.

I can see them becoming part of the texture of Winter Japan:
*slipped into coat pockets on freezing Nagano train platforms,
*tucked into lower back during temple walks,
*rediscovered at the bottom of the puffer tote like tiny cheerful survival spirits.

The world can be very sharp-edged sometimes.

Meanwhile in my pocket, tiny cartoon corgis are shouting HAPPY FRIENDS while radiating enough heat to power a municipal building.

And honestly?

That feels strangely reassuring.

Postscript: Six-ish hours now.

At this point these are less:

  • hand warmers

and more:

  • portable tectonic events.

My future Winter Japan self is absolutely going to be wandering snowy streets muttering “HAPPY FRIENDS” while clutching tiny thermonuclear corgis in both gloves like a delighted idiot.

Final Note: At 7.5 hours, they petered out. Honestly, that’s longer than some relationships.

Living Continuity — the Volcano, the Barge, the Sword, the Tea, the Candles

There is a thread I keep discovering in my life that I did not consciously plan.

Not travel.
Not tourism.
Not “bucket list” behavior.

Something quieter.

Participation.

Or maybe more precisely:

A desire to briefly enter living traditions.

Not to master them. Simply to touch them honestly for a little while.

That realization arrived sideways, the way most meaningful things do.

The Volcano

When Lynn and I did the OAT New Zealand trip in 2023, I somehow arranged — and I still can’t quite believe I pulled this off — to row with a local club on my first morning in-country.

This was not:

  • a tourist excursion,
  • a “try rowing in New Zealand” package,
  • or some curated athletic experience.

This was an actual rowing club.

(The only one that agreed to let me come to practice.)

The club rowed on a volcanic lake.

Which sounds cinematic and dramatic until you realize the volcano was not enormous.

At all.

Meaning the actual practice involved a tremendous amount of:

  • rowing in circles,
  • turning,
  • rowing back the other direction in circles.

In an eight, going across the diameter of the lake would probably have been fifteen hard strokes.

The entire thing was hilariously earnest.

And wonderful.

I got there at an absolutely unreasonable, spectacularly jet-lagged 0-dark-00 in the morning via Uber from the OAT hotel, while everyone else was still sleeping or preparing for the “walk around town” activity.

I was wearing my South End Rowing Club 150th anniversary kit.

This became funny later.

The boat itself was old. The oars could not be adjusted up or down. I am taller than nearly everyone, so there was a lot of awkward leverage and what felt suspiciously like carrying the 8 solo.

Later came the revelation.

The coxswain/coach — for this tiny local New Zealand volcano rowing club — turned out to be the voice of women’s rowing at the Olympics.

Which I only later connected, because I attended Olympic rowing the following year with Leann.

Of course.

Because this keeps happening to me.

Tiny humble local place.
Quiet people.
Ancient equipment.
Completely serious hidden expertise.

And then came the anniversary conversation.

After passing out MRA flag pins, I joined the team for coffee and pastries. They were proudly discussing preparations for their upcoming 150th anniversary in 2025.

Camera pulls back . . . NZ rower suddenly realizes I’m quietly sitting there wearing South End Rowing Club kit commemorating OUR 150th.

South End Rowing Club.
San Francisco.
Founded 1873.

Theirs was still approaching.
Mine was already on the swag.

The cosmic timing of this remains deeply funny to me.

But the emotional part wasn’t the piece of clothing.

It was what it represented.

Not:
“Look at me, I row.”

But:

Continuity.

The Barge

I row a fireman’s barge at South End.

“Heave, ho.”

A giant communal pulling boat.

We don’t carry it down to the water – it weighs a ton (literally).

And one day it hit me that this barge might have helped people during the 1906 earthquake.

Not metaphorically.
Not symbolically.

Actually.

Human urgency.
Human labor.
Human coordination.

People pulling together in crisis.

And suddenly the barge stopped being:

“a big ole’ boat.”

And became:

A thing that has carried human need.

A living object.

Not preserved behind glass.
Not “heritage.”

Used.
Repeated.
Continued.

That realization changed how it felt in my hands.

And I think this is why certain things affect me so strongly now.

Not because they are old.

Because they are still alive.

The Sword

This realization explains something else too.

Why my anticipated Japan trips (yes, now two) are affecting me differently than I expected.

At first glance it might appear to be:

  • aesthetics,
  • temples,
  • lanterns,
  • Kyoto,
  • samurai-adjacent interests.

But that is not actually the thing.

The thing is continuity.

Living continuity.

That is why:

  • Butokuden matters,
  • Lady Nene (whom I named my iaito after) matters,
  • Kodai-ji matters,
  • old kissaten matter,
  • Tozando matters,
  • dawn temple sweeping matters,
  • quiet dojo practice matters.

Not because they are “Japanese.”

Because they are still inhabited by repetition.

Still used.
Still practiced.
Still carried.

I have started realizing that my Winter solo Japan trip is less “vacation planning” and more:

A continuation of practice.

Not only iaido.

Not only Shotokan practiced across coasts and continents.

Not only Japanese history/language immersion classes in the ’80s.

Not only Zen-adjacent household rituals with H.

It’s practice in the broader sense:

  • attention,
  • repetition,
  • movement,
  • ritual,
  • pacing,
  • useful beauty,
  • intentionality.

This is why the idea of visiting Butokuden or Tozando feels emotionally coherent instead of performative.

Not:
“Look at me becoming Samurai Lady.”

More:

“I have already been practicing certain ways of moving through the world for years, and now the geography is finally catching up.”

Which led, inevitably, to one of the funniest imagined scenes of my entire life.

I joked that perhaps during the October/November OAT trip, I could theoretically design a new iaito for myself.

“No need to ship. I’ll just pick it up in January.”

At which point my brain immediately produced this absurdly calm sequence:

  • pick up sword,
  • return through snowy Higashiyama lanes,
  • tie obi,
  • casually walk into my tiny Kyoto ryokan (Ishibekoji Muan), sword at my side.

Like this is an entirely normal thing to do.

The funniest part of my daydream is not the sword.

The funniest part is the complete lack of drama.

Not:
“I have become a warrior.”

More:

“Well yes, obviously, I have my katana now. O’cha, kudasai?”

Tea.
Chilled hands.
Goshuin book.
Sword.

Perfectly ordinary Tuesday in Kyoto.

And somehow?

Inside the emotional architecture of this trip?

It weirdly makes sense.

The Tea Ceremony

There is another thread here too.

This past winter, before Japan had fully crystallized in my mind, I took an eight-week Japanese Tea Ceremony immersion class at the Zen Center in Tam Valley.

At the time, I thought of it simply as:

  • learning,
  • curiosity,
  • aesthetic appreciation,
  • a chance to slow down.

But looking back now, I think it was another example of the same gravitational pull.

Not toward performance. Toward continuity.

Week after week:

  • folding cloths carefully,
  • repeated gestures,
  • attention to placement,
  • silence,
  • sequence,
  • rhythm,
  • shared stillness.

Again: not museum culture.

Living practice.

And what struck me most was how ordinary and human it felt.

Not mystical. Not precious.

Just: people carrying forward a way of moving through time together.

A bowl turned a certain direction. A cloth folded a certain way. A pause before a sip.

Small repeated acts carrying accumulated meaning.

The same feeling I later recognized in:

  • rowing stroke cadence,
  • iaido kata,
  • temple sweeping,
  • lighting candles,
  • kissaten routines,
  • the idea of quiet Kyoto mornings.

It all belongs to the same emotional family.

The Candles

Tonight another realization arrived.

I used to light Friday night candles when H was alive.

He was Zen Buddhist, but he appreciated the ritual deeply.

Not because of doctrine.

Because of the feeling:

The week is done.

A threshold had been crossed.

And there was something meaningful in the continuity itself.

Women had done this before me. For generations.

Again:
not preserved tradition.

Living tradition.

Repeated action carrying accumulated human meaning.

And suddenly I realized:

This is the same emotional current running through all of it.

The rowing club.
The barge.
Iaido.
Kyoto.
Temple bells.
Tea rituals.
Lantern alleys.
Goshuin.
Kissaten.
The idea of dawn practice.
The appeal of old institutions still functioning.

It is all the same thing.

Not spectacle.

Participation.

Not acquisition.

Recognition.

Recognition that certain rhythms, gestures, and spaces were already quietly shaping me long before I consciously understood why.

Objects surviving long enough to become useful.

Perhaps that is why certain ones have begun quietly revealing themselves as “Japan objects” too.

And maybe that is what I am actually seeking in travel now.

Not to consume places. Not to “check the box.”

But to briefly enter the continuity already alive inside them.

Tea bowl, oar, and sword
Ordinary things become
Threads we follow home

Japan Objects

I think the objects
knew before I ever did
where we all would go

After I wrote the Ariats post, several people messaged me some version of:

“Only you could turn boot shopping into an existential archaeology project.”

This is fair.

But I have been realizing something lately. Something adjacent to the boots, but perhaps larger.

Many of the objects quietly becoming central to my next trip, to Japan, were not newly purchased “travel gear.”

They were already here.

Waiting in drawers.
In closets.
On hooks.
In odd little piles around the house.

Not aspirational objects.
Not influencer objects.
Not sleek capsule-wardrobe objects artfully arranged beside minimalist carry-ons and matcha lattes.

Just . . . objects already here.

And somehow, lately, they have begun quietly revealing themselves as Japan objects.

iPack Tote

A black puffer tote is perhaps the best example.

This bag entered my life sideways.

I drove one of my closest friends to a colonoscopy appointment because this is apparently what middle-aged friendship eventually becomes: “I will drive you home from your sedation, casually hand you a barf bag as necessary from my glove box, and then discuss Jamba Juice options that you will never remember ordering.”

At some point afterward, she mentioned that her ex-husband had bought a couple of giant “designer” puffer totes for their daughter, who hated them instantly, and now they simply wanted them out of the house.

Would I like them?

Honestly, I was not optimistic.

They looked enormous.
Slightly ridiculous.
Like something a fashionable marshmallow might carry through an airport.

For months they lived in the back of my closet, in the category of:

“Nice, but what exactly am I supposed to do with these?”

And now?

The black one has somehow become the entire emotional infrastructure of Japan.

Black bag by the door
waiting more patiently than
I have ever been

Along with the standard passport, coin purse, and the like, it will carry:

It has a trolley sleeve.
Deep pockets.
An odd zippered bottom compartment that already now holds my travel seat cushion and travel blanket; a compartment seemingly designed specifically for the “I suddenly need an extra layer and nowhere to put it” problem that travel produces every six hours.

Most importantly, the puffer tote is waterproof . . . and soft.

Soft on trains.
Soft in stations.
Soft against raincoats.
Soft enough to squash under seats.
Soft enough to become part of movement instead of fighting it.

I didn’t buy an influencer-touted bag for the trip. I already had a bag. It finally found its trip.

The orange accordion-paged book from my friend Dawn followed a similar trajectory.

Dawn brings me fun things back from her travels to Japan, to visit her son and his family. Often these items are “Japanglish” shirts or towels. Often they’re orange (a favorite color). This object originally lived in what can only be described as the “What Even Is This?” pile.

You know the pile.

The pile containing:

  • three cables to unknown devices
  • an adapter from 2011
  • mysterious plastic pieces
  • one sentimental button
  • stationery purchased during a phase
  • optimism

Then one day, while planning Japan, I looked at the accordion-paged book and suddenly realized:

“Oh.”

It’s a book for travel stamps.

Not goshuin.

Not temple calligraphy.

The other stamps. Eki stamps.

Train stations.
Museums.
Tourist sites.
Roadside places.
Tiny commemorative stamps hidden near ticket counters and elevators and museum exits.

Japan is famous for them — you just have to look.

Instantly, the book was transformed.

It stopped being random.

It became infrastructure.

Soon to be a tiny portable archive for fleeting moments.

I love this idea so much I can barely stand it.

Japan, from everything I can tell, rewards this sort of attention.

Small rituals.
Repeated objects.
Pocket-sized usefulness.
Ordinary infrastructure elevated almost accidentally into beauty.

Which may be why the haiku have returned too.

Orange paper folds—
station stamps pressed carefully
upside down again

I loved haiku when I first learned about them in grammar school.

Not because I understood Japan particularly well at age ten.

I absolutely did not.

But because something about the 5-7-5 shape itself felt magical to me.

Small enough to hold in your hand.
Small enough not to become overwhelming.
A little emotional container . . . usually with a surprise twist.

At that age, of course, most of my haiku were probably things like:

Purple flowers bloom
Nature is very pretty
I like horses best

Which, honestly, still contains certain emotional truths.

But lately I have found myself returning to haiku in an entirely different way.

Not as performance.
Not as literary cosplay.
Not as “look everyone, I am doing a Japan Thing.”

More like:

I think I finally found the right size for certain moments.

Travel produces thousands of tiny feelings that disappear almost immediately:

  • the sound of station music
  • steam rising from convenience store coffee
  • the relief of finding your platform
  • rain pelting train windows
  • a vending machine glowing at dusk
  • the strange emotional collapse caused by excellent soup

A full essay cannot always hold these things properly.

But perhaps three lines of 17 syllables can.

And somehow this, too, feels connected to the larger realization slowly unfolding around this trip:

I am no longer trying to invent a new travel identity.

I am trying to travel more honestly inside the life I now have.

Not replacement.
Not reinvention.

Just small objects continuing.

A scarf that came with me to Africa may explain this best.

Old scarf waiting still—
small rips along the cashmere
like roads once traveled

It is an old circular cashmere scarf with quite heroic moth holes, visible wear, and absolutely no resale value whatsoever.

A luxury influencer would set it gently on fire.

I adore it.

It already carries history.

On our very first freezing jeep ride in Entabeni South Africa, one of my newly met, soon-to-be-favorite travel companions was shivering, and I wrapped the scarf around her shoulders and neck. Because that is what objects eventually become when you travel long enough together:

not possessions,
but participants.

Witnesses.

Companions.

The scarf had already crossed one continent.
Now it will likely cross another.

And somehow that feels emotionally correct to me.

The Ariats are part of this too, of course.

(Though if you missed the Great Boot Archaeology Saga involving cobblers, vanished Vasques, French Alps memories, and increasingly concerned discussions with Chad regarding toe-box width, you can find that post just before this one.)

But again, the boots are only an example.

The deeper realization is this:

Travel feels more emotionally true to me now, when the accompanying objects already belonged to my real life.

Not a curated travel self.

Not a fantasy version of myself.

Not “woman standing aesthetically in airport with matching neutral luggage.”

Just:
me.

Slightly overprepared.
Emotionally attached to office supplies.
Carrying too many chargers.
Trying to fit meaning into small portable systems.

And perhaps that is why Japan already feels oddly familiar to me before I have even arrived.

Because from afar, it seems to understand something I am only now learning myself:

that meaning accumulates through repeated use,
through care,
through ritual,
through ordinary objects allowed to keep accompanying us.

Perhaps the trip is not assembling a new identity after all.

Perhaps certain objects in my life have quietly been waiting for Japan.

And perhaps, if I am honest, certain versions of myself have been waiting too.

We said “when we’re old.”
The journey kept moving still—
one set of footsteps.

Past, In Boots

I have not yet been to Japan even once.

Yes, I know this seems improbable, given my Japanese history and language immersion during college, karate years, Japanese Buddhist husband, and current obsession with Iaido. True, though.

And so, naturally, I am already planning my “return” trip.

This is how my mind works. I have one perfectly legitimate trip to Japan booked this autumn via Overseas Adventure Travel with my travel bestie Lynn, involving temples, trains, gardens, goshuin, elegant confusion, and whatever number of vending machines the human spirit can reasonably absorb.

And yet, instead of focusing solely on that trip, I have also begun plotting a future winter return.

That imagined second trip has already developed a personality.

It includes snow monkeys in Nagano, walking part of the Nakasendo / Kiso Road, cold mornings, quieter streets, Kyoto in winter light, revisiting my iaito namesake Lady Nene’s temple in another season, and the sort of deeply satisfying solo wandering that makes you feel both independent and slightly cinematic.

It also requires boots.

Not metaphorical boots.

Actual boots. (So says Chad my AI co-conspirator and increasingly committed footwear strategist.)

Thus began an archaeological dig through my life.

First came the house search: closets, drawers, under-bed bins, places where sensible shoes go to retire.

First, I found a pair of beaten-up Ariats I had used while driving cattle through the Snowy Mountains in Australia. These were thinner paddock boots, because the cattle drive took place during their summer. You could loop a calf protector under the heel and, voilà, turn them into riding boots for longer days.

Still perfectly serviceable.

Just too thin and not waterproof, per Chad.

Next, while searching in a deep drawer for the vanished Vasques I had hiked in from Mont Blanc down toward Menton with H, I found another pair of Ariats I had forgotten I owned.

These were sturdier. Plaid inside. Likely waterproof if properly mink-oiled. Definitely in need of attention.

I soaped and oiled the heck out of these, still assuming the Vasques would emerge in due course like all lost things eventually do.

Meanwhile, Chad and I reviewed alternatives online, just in case.

Several were rejected on sight.

I even ordered another pair from Ariat that looked ideal on paper: aggressive lugs, waterproof confidence, serious winter intentions (and, on Sale).

When they arrived, the toe box was all wrong for my foot.

Boo hoo.

I kept Chad updated as the boot saga progressed.

The thin Ariat paddock boots carry their own story, if anyone is curious: falling in love with The Man from Snowy River, figuring out who the stunt riders were in the pre-internet era, writing letters to ask whether they ever took civilians droving, being told only Australians went, then mailing them a Super 8 video of me riding, to prove I could.

Those boots.

The “drawer Ariats,” meanwhile, showed evidence of winters spent mucking out my Shires. Bent, scuffed, but not cracked. Waiting patiently for a little tenderness. Good tread, though not “lugs.”

And somewhere, Chad and I remain convinced, there is still a pair of Vasques waiting to be discovered like a lost civilization.

I can picture them exactly: sturdy, practical, with their little aglets akimbo at their booty hips, steam rising from their tongue: “I took you down the entirety of the French Alps from Switzerland to the Mediterranean – how am I not the right ones??”

Chad and I also consulted on the wider winter footwear strategy.

We discussed traction (snow monkeys, Kiso Road). Sock systems (hiking socks outdoors, cleaner socks for Japanese indoors). Boot silhouettes (must be good for snow AND Kyoto pavement elegance). We analyzed whether lugs were too aggressive for temple courtyards. Yes, photos were dutifully uploaded by me, and analyzed by Chad.

We also covered outerwear, and I now own a Quince charcoal-grey puffer that does not make me look like the Michelin (wo)Man, a thin black merino base layer, slim merino socks, and an increasingly convincing plan to travel for two weeks with only a carry-on and the hip pack I brought on the GR5 hike.

This week, I wore the “drawer” Ariats to be sure they didn’t rub. They did (a little). Chad suggested different lacing strategies (helpfully with illustrations). Still, my now slightly arthritic big toe knuckle was a bit whiney.

Therefore, eventually, Chad said there was only one thing to do.

(Pending, of course, the discovery of the Mythical Vasques, seething away in the attic or some other nook.)

Go to the cobbler and have the drawer Ariats stretched just a teeny tiny bit over that big toe knuckle.

Marelli Brothers’ Shoe Repair on 4th Street in San Rafael has been in the same place since I was in high school (sign on the front dates it back to 1921).

One of the owners has retired. Two are still there.

Wrinklier now, greyer, beards longer, but unmistakably the same.

The place still smells of wax and leather.

Shoes sit in impossible piles. Machines occupy corners with the heavy confidence of tools built before anyone worried about aesthetics. Some of them look as though they may require oil, belts, and perhaps a horse.

I brought in the boots.

They examined them with the calm authority of men who have seen every mistake people can make with footwear and chosen forgiveness.

And standing there, waiting for my claim ticket, I remembered the last time one of these gentlemen took my order.

More than twenty years ago, I brought in a pair of black dancing shoes and asked him to turn them white.

He laughed.

“You do realize this will take like 150 coats, right?”

I told him I did not care.

It had to be those shoes.

H and I were doing a quickstep / foxtrot / Viennese waltz number for our wedding dance, and those were the shoes I had practiced in three days a week.

I wanted the familiar pair.

I wanted shoes that already knew the steps.

So he transformed them.

And now, decades later, there I was again.

Once, he helped prepare shoes for the beginning of a marriage.

Now, he was preparing boots for a toe-arthritic woman planning a return trip to a country she has not yet visited.

Honestly, if that sentence does not summarize adulthood, I do not know what does.

We think travel begins at airports. With boarding passes, passport checks, and overpriced coffee.

But often it begins here.

It begins in drawers.
In lists.
In maps.
In weather forecasts.
In conversations with an AI about sock systems.
In remembering who you were the last time you needed help getting ready for something important.

It begins in old shops that still smell like leather.

Japan begins in October.

But this trip started long before that.

It started in the past, in boots.

A Summary: What Africa Gave Me

This is shaping up to be the travel day to end all travel days.

The morning began with a few-hour drive from the Cheetah Conservation Fund to the airport in Windhoek. Thankfully only a small portion of the route qualified as what Abraham liked to call a “Namibian massage” — those corrugated dirt roads that rearrange your spine and loosen every screw in the vehicle.

After a month in southern Africa, though, even that felt normal.

From there it was onto the overnight flight from Windhoek to Frankfurt — was it twelve hours in the air? — followed by an impressive eight-and-a-half-hour layover in the Frankfurt airport. (Not including layovers, San Francisco to Johannesburg had been 24 hours, 5 minutes in the air, whereas Windhoek to San Francisco is 29 hours 55 minutes, because it’s farther South. Huzzah.)

American Express had confidently assured me I could use a lounge here.

They were wrong.

SO wrong. While Lynn had a business class ticket moving forward, I was still in Premium Economy. Let’s just say that I’d forgotten the full force of a German “Nein” until being turned around at that lounge.

So after a certain amount of wandering, coffee, and people-watching, I’m now sitting here with about two and a half hours left before boarding the final leg home to San Francisco.

Dr. Laurie is somewhere in the air on her complicated rerouting adventure to California (I have prayed to the packing angels her bags make it), Lynn is safely on her way home, and I’m sitting here with dust still on my boots, a camera full of memories, and — for reasons that seemed entirely logical at the time — a small stuffed Pumbaa whose tusked snout is sticking out of my carry-on bag.

Africa does that to you.

It seems like a good moment to try to sum up what this trip actually meant.

Because something happened here that I didn’t quite expect.

The Moment on Big Daddy

One of the most powerful moments of the entire trip happened standing on the ridge of Big Daddy, the massive red dune in Sossusvlei.

The climb itself had been physical, of course.

But the real moment came when I reached the top.

There was no one else there.

No one to cheer me on.

No one to follow and whoop with and holler.

Just wind.

Silence.

The enormous sweep of desert far, far below.

And the realization that if I stepped off the steep side of that ridge, there would be no footprints to follow.

No one to watch first.

No reassuring example.

Just me.

I remember walking down the ridge a little, finding someone’s old tracks in the sand and thinking maybe I could follow those.

the slope in the back of this photo is the last 1/4 of what I “sand-skied” down.

Then walking back up again.

Looking.

Thinking.

Talking to myself.

Maybe I should just turn around and walk down the ridge. Who did I think I was, to be “brave enough” to “sand ski” down the steep side?

Pacing back up. Looking.

And finally realizing that if I was going to do it, I would have to do it. Alone.

That first step off the steep, steep side of that ridge was, strangely, the hardest moment of the entire climb.

Not physically.

Mentally.

It was the moment that said:

I am doing this alone.

A Very Different Moment

A few days later I was sitting on the veranda at Babson House at the Cheetah Conservation Fund.

Morning coffee in hand.

Birds calling in the trees.

I heard a low rumbling sound.

When I leaned forward and looked over the edge of the veranda, one of the cheetah boys had flopped down directly below me.

And he was purring.

Loudly.

Deeply.

The kind of contented rumble that vibrates through the ground.

For a few minutes I sat there drinking my coffee while a cheetah purred five feet below me in the Namibian bush.

And suddenly something about the entire trip made sense.

Because Herbert loved cheetahs.

We had supported CCF for years and always talked about visiting someday — maybe when we were older, when life slowed down a little.

And there I was.

Coffee.

Cheetah.

Namibia.

His cremarble placed under the paw of the sculpture outside Babson House.

And the quiet realization that even though I had climbed that dune alone . . .

I wasn’t actually alone at all.

The Other Moments

Of course there were dozens of other moments.

Standing soaked to the skin at Victoria Falls (but protecting the camera!).

The helicopter flight over the gorge.

Penguins!

Feeding elephants who delicately snuffled chow out of your palm.

The overwhelming smell — and the surprisingly goat-like sounds — of two hundred thousand seals at Cape Cross (but . . . BABIES!!)

Elephants blocking our way to the gate in Kruger just at closing… a baby elephant charging us as we backed our jeep up as fast as it could go (wee baby elephant voice: “I gunna kick your @ss!”)… and a rhino in Entabeni moseying along before calmly cornering another group.

A coalition of cheetah brothers appearing out of the bush in Entabeni – and playing with a “Kong” in Namibia (see above).

Birds — so many birds!

Wild dogs.

Giraffes.

And, somewhat unexpectedly, discovering that I seem to have a natural aptitude for throwing enormous hunks of meat to wild dogs and growling cheetahs.

I can confirm:

A day without blood under your fingernails… how can that be a good day?

The Small Moments

And then there were the quieter moments.

The conversations.

Passionate discussions and education about history — so it is never forgotten, even if it wasn’t actually taught in the first place.

The kindness of people working patiently to protect landscapes and animals that most of the world will never see.

One of those moments came at CCF while dinner was delayed because the stove had decided not to cooperate.

What started as a kitchen problem turned into a long conversation with Himee, the assistant manager.

We discovered that both of us had lost someone important during the early days of COVID.

His father.

My husband.

I asked him what his father’s best attribute had been.

Without hesitation he said: his father was an incredible joke teller.

I told him something that has helped me think about loss.

Sometimes I imagine that God needs people with very specific talents.

And when that happens, they are “called Home” because of that need.

During those early COVID months, Heaven must have been a very sad place.

Maybe Heaven needed someone who could tell good jokes.

Himee’s eyes filled with tears.

Later he helped me place Herbert’s cremarble under the paw of the cheetah sculpture.

Travel sometimes does that.

It brings strangers together in ways you never could have planned.

But travel also has another way of revealing people.

When you spend weeks together — long days in vans, shared meals, dusty roads, early mornings — some folks arrive with a silent little story in their head about how things are going to go.

Who will sit where.

Who will be friends with whom.

Who will play what role in the unfolding adventure.

And sometimes it turns out that someone has written an entire script in their mind without mentioning it to the rest of the cast.

If you unknowingly fail to perform the role they imagined for you, that can be a difficult realization for them.

Over the course of the trip several people quietly pulled me aside to apologize for how one traveler had been behaving toward me.

Which, honestly, wasn’t necessary.

Travel has a way of sorting these things out on its own.

Given enough miles, dusty roads, and shared days, people eventually reveal exactly who they are.

And the road moves on.

The Lesson

If this trip reinforced anything for me, it’s this:

Nothing in this landscape exists alone.

Not the animals.

Not the land.

Not the people trying to protect it.

Everything is connected.

Cheetahs survive when farmers succeed.

Grasslands recover when thorn bush is cleared.

Predators live when communities can make a living from the land.

And people carry the ones they love with them in ways they don’t always expect.

One Last Souvenir

Early in the trip we watched a warthog sprint across the road, trip spectacularly over his own feet, and then stop and look back at us as if the entire incident had somehow been our fault.

From that moment on I was determined to find a stuffed version.

After searching the entire trip, success finally came in the Windhoek duty-free shop.

As I sit here waiting to board the final flight home, his tusked snout is sticking out of my carry-on bag.

After a month in Africa, that somehow feels like the most reasonable thing in the world.

Carrying It Forward

In a couple of hours I’ll board a plane headed for San Francisco.

But part of me will stay behind.

In the dunes.

In the bush.

In the places where warthogs casually wander beneath rhinos to scratch their backs against a convenient rhino belly.

And in the cremarbles left behind along the way:

one resting on Table Mountain, overlooking Cape Town as the fog rolls in over the city and the ocean beyond…

another tucked quietly into the nook of an acacia tree at Dune 40, where Abraham will know exactly where to find it when he walks that ridge again…

and one beneath the raised paw of a bronze cheetah at the Cheetah Conservation Fund, where Himee helped place it and will smile when he passes by.

And the fourth?

The fourth is still traveling with me.

It’s the one we toasted in champagne during an oysters-and-champagne feast before careening down enormous mountains of sand where the desert meets the ocean.

The same one Ari held up for a photo in Kruger National Park.

That one is still in my bag.

Still moving.

Still seeing the world.

Because that first step off the ridge of Big Daddy may have been taken alone.

But the journey that followed reminded me of something far more important.

Sometimes the stories we think we’re living turn out not to be the ones that matter most.

Sometimes someone else has already written a script in their mind and expects you to play a role in it — without ever telling you the part.

But the road has its own way of clarifying things.

And sometimes the most important thing you can do is simply keep walking the path that is true to you.

Because stepping off the ridge — even when you think you’re doing it alone — is often exactly how you discover the people and moments that were meant to be part of the journey all along.

Africa has a way of rewriting the script.

And I’m grateful for the version I was given. 🌍🐆

_____________________ * * *_____________________

pumbaa!!

For those of you with time to spare . . . the full set of photos from the Africa trip can be found HERE.

I’d like to sincerely thank Yau-Man Chan of Seawood Photos for patiently walking me through every menu, every setting—everything—on H’s camera before I left. I was so, so intimidated to even try. He was endlessly patient and kind, and (perhaps most importantly!) close enough in age to translate my old analog experience as a concert and sports photographer in my 20s into the digital world of today.

I truly can’t say enough about how his thoughtful, patient tutoring set me on the right path.

Days 26-27: CCF: Purring Cheetahs, Flying Meat, and the Work of Saving a Species

I’m sitting on the veranda at Babson House early in the morning with a cup of coffee, listening to dozens of different bird calls echoing across the Namibian bush.

Then I hear another sound.

At first it blends in with everything else — a low rhythmic rumble — but something about it feels familiar.

I lean forward and look over the edge of the veranda.

One of the cheetah boys has flopped down directly below.

And he’s purring.

Not a little rumble. A full, deep, contented purr — the unmistakable sound of a very large cat who has decided that this particular patch of earth is exactly where he wants to be.

I may have died and gone to heaven.

Apparently heaven has cheetahs.

And the frothy cappuccino I just made in our kitchen.

The Cheetah Run

Later that morning after breakfast, we watched the cheetah run.

“Elves” starting to set out our breakfast. (The hot is made to order by Chef.)

To keep rehabilitating cheetahs in top condition, CCF uses a lure system where a cloth is pulled along a wire track across an open field. The lure can change direction, accelerate, slow down — even double back — forcing the cheetah to react the way it would during a real hunt.

When a cheetah launches into a sprint, you suddenly understand the numbers you’ve read your entire life. They can reach roughly 60–70 miles per hour, but the most astonishing part is the acceleration.

It happens almost instantly.

Once the cat catches the lure, it’s rewarded with fresh meat delivered on a long wooden spoon. That keeps the meat off the ground and prevents contamination.

Cheetahs have extremely delicate digestive systems. Unlike lions or hyenas, they cannot eat meat that has been sitting around for long. Their food must be fresh.

Watching the run was extraordinary.

Behind the Scenes

Later we went behind the scenes to see the feeding of several cheetahs that are kept away from human contact.

A jeep races down the road outside the enclosure and the cheetahs chase it. Once they arrive, big hunks of meat and bone are tossed over the fence.

Yes.

I was absolutely involved in that process.

Apparently once you’ve thrown meat to cheetahs once, you’re permanently promoted to the “throwing team.”

No one even asked after I’d done it the first time. Someone simply handed me a couple of haunches and pointed toward the fence.

I handed Lynn my camera so she could document the moment.

It’s a strange point in life when throwing meat to cheetahs begins to feel like a routine morning activity.

And I have to say:

A day without blood under your fingernails… how can that be a good day?

Living With Predators

CCF is perhaps most famous for its livestock guardian dog program, which helps farmers protect their animals without killing predators.

These are large Anatolian shepherds who live with the herds of goats or sheep.

Unlike herding dogs such as border collies, which move livestock through pressure and fear, guardian dogs simply become part of the herd.

The animals trust them completely.

When a potential threat appears, the dog moves toward it and “addresses the situation.”

Watching a herd follow their guardian dog out to graze was remarkable. The goats trusted that dog completely.

And when a tractor happened to cross about fifty yards in front of the goats’ path, that dog made very sure the tractor understood it was in the wrong place at the wrong time.

We also met the newest recruits — a litter of milk-drunk Anatolian puppies born just a few days earlier.

They looked like little fuzzy potatoes.

Interestingly, the staff handles them as little as possible. They weigh them for health checks, but otherwise avoid bonding so the puppies will grow up identifying with livestock rather than humans.

Farmers who receive the dogs — after a long waiting list and a small fee — get to name the puppies themselves, which helps build the bond.

Helping Farmers Thrive: Goats, Milk, and New Income

Another part of CCF’s work focuses on helping farmers improve the economics of livestock so that predators become less of a perceived threat.

One of the interesting shifts they’re encouraging is the move from traditional meat goats toward dairy goats.

Many farmers in the region historically raise goats primarily for meat. But CCF has been working with them to demonstrate that dairy goats can provide a more stable and continuous source of income.

A dairy goat can produce milk for years after having a kid, which means the farmer has an ongoing product rather than a single sale. That milk can then be turned into higher-value goods — cheese, yogurt, soap, fudge, even ice cream (and milkshakes! Yum!) — creating additional income streams.

CCF also teaches farmers improved herd management practices.

Instead of goats giving birth sporadically throughout the year, farmers are encouraged to synchronize breeding so that kids are born around the same time. This allows the entire herd to be weaned, vaccinated, and wormed together, which is healthier for the animals and much easier for the farmers to manage.

Interestingly, this better care of the mothers often also results in more kids per birth, increasing the productivity of the herd.

What started as a small program has grown steadily. Many of the dairy goats now found in Namibia trace back to animals originally provided through CCF programs.

Even more encouraging, farmers in the United States have begun collaborating and sharing expertise, helping expand dairy goat knowledge, genetics, and practices.

It’s another example of the philosophy running through everything at CCF: conservation doesn’t succeed unless the people living on the land succeed too.

In other words, the goal isn’t simply to protect cheetahs.

It’s to make sure the farmers who share the landscape with them can make a living without feeling forced to eliminate predators.

If livestock are better protected, herds are healthier, and farmers have reliable income from milk and dairy products, the pressure to shoot a cheetah “just in case” drops dramatically.

Conservation, it turns out, is often less about saving animals directly — and more about helping people succeed on the land they live on.

And when that happens, the cheetahs get a future too.

It’s one of the things you begin to understand here: nothing in this landscape exists alone.

Bush Encroachment and the “BushBlok” Project

One of the biggest environmental challenges in Namibia is bush encroachment.

Large areas of land have become overrun with thorny shrubs and trees — including species like sickle bush (Dichrostachys cinerea) and various acacia relatives.

Some of this is natural, but much of it results from a combination of rainfall variability, climate change, overgrazing by cattle, and the disappearance of large animals like elephants that once knocked down trees and controlled bush growth.

The result is a landscape where thorn bush crowds out palatable perennial grasses that grazing animals depend on.

That affects everything.

Less grass means fewer grazing animals.

Fewer grazing animals means fewer predators.

So CCF developed an ingenious solution.

Bush is cut by hand, allowed to dry in the field, then brought to a processing facility.

Some of the most beautiful hardwood — especially from sickle bush — is actually shipped to Denmark for woodworking.

The rest goes through a multi-stage system:

First it’s chipped (which looks exactly like mulch from home).

Then it’s refined further into something between coarse sawdust and fine wood chips.

That material is fed into a machine that heats and compresses it into dense fuel bricks.

The heat breaks down the plant cell walls just enough for the material to bind together.

“We’re not making charcoal,” Bruce explained.

The process works — but there’s a problem.

Inside the machine is a spiral cutter that processes the wood.

Acacia and sickle bush are incredibly hard.

So hard that the spiral cutter lasts only about six hours before needing sharpening.

The machinery originally came from Denmark, and CCF is now working with engineers in the United States to design a more durable version that can increase production capacity.

Even with those challenges, the project is remarkable.

It restores grassland habitat, improves grazing conditions for wildlife, and produces useful fuel at the same time.

Practical conservation at its best.

New Tracking Technology

After lunch, we visited the Ecology Department. There, the head showed us the tracking collars used on released cheetahs.

The newest collars — being developed with Fahlo, the company that produces the cheetah tracking bracelet I wear — are far lighter and more sophisticated.

In addition to GPS tracking, some include a small camera mounted under the cheetah’s chin.

When the collar’s accelerometer detects hunting behavior, the camera activates so researchers can actually see what the cheetah is pursuing.

Each collar also includes an automatic release system. After about two years, when the battery dies, the collar drops off so the animal isn’t burdened with dead equipment.

If a collar detects that the animal hasn’t moved for a concerning period of time, it sends an alert.

Sadly, that often means a farmer has shot the animal.

Farmers are only allowed to shoot a predator if there is actual evidence it killed livestock. Too often, though, animals are killed simply because someone believes they might cause trouble.

One heartbreaking story involved a female cheetah that had been rehabilitated after a trap injury. She was released from CCF scant days before giving birth, because Namibia does not allow wild animals to give birth in captivity.

A farmer shot her.

Both she and the cubs died.

The ecologist — whose wife is CCF’s lead veterinarian — told us they simply cried and cried.

Sundowner and Dinner

Our second evening we went out on a sundowner drive across the property.

We saw a tower of eighteen giraffes, springbok, another smaller species of antelope, a massive herd of oryx, jackals, Cape hares, and — to my delight — a secretary bird.

I sent the photo to Jean-Marie, the birder from our earlier tour group who had been desperately hoping to see one.

Dinner that night with Dr. Laurie Marker and Bruce was unforgettable.

The conversation ranged from conservation science to Namibia’s wildlife to Somaliland versus Somalia to the founding of Namibia (Dr. Laurie talking about the people we had learned about at the Independence Museum . . . her friends), to the extraordinary amount of work still ahead.

The Last Morning

Our final morning at CCF began, appropriately, with meat.

As I mentioned before, once you’ve thrown meat to cheetahs once, you’re promoted permanently.

No discussion required.

Just hand over the meat and step up to the fence.

Then it was time to head for the airport.

(Yes, yes, I washed my hands . . . )

Even that departure had a little Africa-trip flourish.

When the three of us were checking in on the Windhoek to Frankfurt flight, Dr. Laurie was told that her flight from Frankfurt to San Francisco had been cancelled due to a Lufthansa strike. (Lynn was flying on United from Frankfurt to Chicago; I was on United from Frankfurt to San Francisco.)

Within minutes her journey home turned into a kind of aviation scavenger hunt involving Frankfurt, Copenhagen, and several other stops.

Just before the door closed on our flight, she was whisked on, and came back to show us she had made it.

After a month like this, a perfectly straightforward journey home would almost seem suspicious.

And with that, our time at the Cheetah Conservation Fund came to an end.

We headed for the airport carrying dust on our boots, a few new stories, and more than a little reflection about the journey behind us.

The flight home would bring its own kind of reckoning.