Between The Stars

Dove grey harbor day
Blogging then some wandering
Find the Steam Clock! Now!

Yes, I realize that in the previous two posts, I appear to have jumped directly from Five Sails to Botanist.

Why?

Because the intervening day stubbornly refused to become a coherent narrative.

Between one Michelin starred restaurant and another, there was an entire day.

A day involving Bill Reid, a raven ring, a diving bear named Sabera, a housekeeping treaty, and one spectacular navigational failure.

Possibly mine.

Possibly Chad’s.

The jury remains out.

Let’s start with breakfast.

Or rather, let’s start with the challenge of leaving breakfast.

The Club Floor at the Pan Pacific turns out to be a dangerous place for anyone who enjoys treats, harbor views, and absolutely no obligations.

One can easily imagine spending the entire morning there.

Or the entire afternoon.

Or perhaps retiring permanently.

If you stay on the Club Floor, breakfast (and afternoon tea) is included. Instead of heading downstairs and having breakfast with the hoi polloi (which there are a fair bit of, as apparently this hotel is chosen by Regent, Seven Seas, Seabourn, and others to house their guests before heading out on their cruises), the buffet is curated and brought up to you.

Civilized.

Getting there at 7:00 seems to be the sweet spot. My window table overlooked the very grey harbor. I took my time; when I got up to leave, I noticed that many folks with towering piles of food had been eyeing my table like wolves. 🐺🥐☕️

Though looking grey and overcast, Vancouver existed outside the windows.

So eventually I gathered myself together and ventured forth.

My original destination was the Bill Reid Gallery.

Not because I needed anything.

Not because I planned to shop.

Because Bill Reid is Bill Reid.

This is one of our dancing walruses (walri?), but you get the idea.

Bill Reid Gallery is not just a gallery but also essentially a museum of First Nations art. Those of you who have visited our Indiana Jones house know that First Nations art occupies a rather disproportionate place in our lives.

It all started in Vancouver.

Years ago, on our tenth anniversary trip, H and I bought our first piece of First Nations art from Coastal Peoples Gallery.

A small dancing bear.

At the time, we were younger and considerably less financially sensible.

Or perhaps more financially adventurous.

Either way, we bought the bear.

Or rather, H pondered over the bear, picked him up, turned him around, stood him on his front paws, then his back paws. (These are called “two-position bears” and are carved to stand in either pose.)

Eventually he sighed and put the bear back down.

A few minutes later, while H was distracted elsewhere in the gallery, I quietly handed my credit card and bucket purse to the salesperson and mimed exactly what needed to happen.

A few days later, at our anniversary dinner on Salt Spring Island, I pulled out the bear and carefully balanced him on his back paw next to H’s champagne glass.

That bear became the beginning of an obsession. Oh, I mean a collection.

So while I was starting at the vaunted Bill Reid Gallery, I wanted to be sure to revisit Coastal Peoples.

Not to buy anything.

Just to visit.

Sometimes travel is about seeing new things.

Sometimes it’s about checking in on old stories.

The Bill Reid Gallery itself was fascinating. It’s really more like a First Nations art museum (with admission fee). I peeked in, but wasn’t really feeling like a gawk-and-stop, so I headed into the gift shop.

Not because I intended to buy anything.

Just a look-see.

Okay, until I found a First Nations octopus passport holder.

More accurately, the octopus found me.

For years my passport lived inside a blue cover from the Elliott School of International Affairs at George Washington University.

It was a perfectly nice passport cover.

Professional.

Respectable.

A little impressive, perhaps.

It represented a version of me that worked very hard to become the person who negotiated international agreements, earned credentials, and accumulated expertise.

This week, in Vancouver, I replaced it.

Not because it was worn out.

Not because I needed a new passport cover.

Because I wandered into a gallery shop and spied an octopus.

The octopus is Haida art—bright blue, impossible to miss, and infinitely more interesting than a school logo embossed on blue leather.

What struck me later wasn’t that I preferred the octopus.

It was why.

The old cover represented achievement.

The new cover represents curiosity.

One says, “Look what I accomplished.”

The other says, “I wonder what’s over there.”

And the funny thing is that I don’t feel like I’ve rejected the first version of myself.

The octopus didn’t replace the international negotiator.

The octopus stands on top of everything that came before.

The degrees.

The career.

The experience.

The miles traveled.

The losses survived.

The confidence slowly earned.

Perhaps that’s why it felt right.

An octopus is curious, intelligent, adaptable, and capable of getting into places it probably shouldn’t.

Which, come to think of it, is a fair description of my travel style.

Or my life.

Besides, I suspect future me will smile every time she pulls out her passport and remembers Vancouver.

The harbor.

The mountains.

The seals.

The eagle.

The day I discovered that “walk away from the water” apparently constitutes a complete set of directions.

And the moment I realized that the objects I love most are no longer the ones that remind me what I’ve done.

They’re the ones that remind me who I’ve become.

At this point, it was time to head for Coastal Peoples Gallery.

This should have been easy.

I had the address.

I knew where it was.

It was near Gastown.

It was near the Steam Clock.

Unfortunately, I also had Chad.

At some point Chad became convinced that Coastal Peoples was somewhere else entirely.

An office building, as it turned out.

This led to a period of increasingly confused text messages in which I attempted to explain that I was standing exactly where I had been told to stand and yet somehow was not standing in an art gallery.

Meanwhile, Chad attempted to reconcile this inconvenient fact with his growing certainty that I was in the correct location.

Reader, I was not.

Eventually I resorted to Google Maps.

There, glowing innocently on the screen, was Coastal Peoples Gallery.

Right where I had originally thought it was.

Near the Steam Clock.

The Steam Clock, by now, had become less a destination and more a principle.

I had gone so far the wrong way that Chad suggested a taxi. (He didn’t offer to flag one down or pay for it, though.)

His directions went off the rails at this point. When I realized I was heading into what could only be described as a “sketch” neighborhood (and no Victorian Steam Clock to be found), I resorted again to Google Maps.

Yep.

I was in Saskatchewan.

Eventually, after chastising Chad, who explained that somehow geography had temporarily bent in a manner that made South go North (dear reader: yeah, nope), I made my way to Gastown.

I never actually saw the Steam Clock.

But while standing inside Coastal Peoples Gallery, I heard it.

Which somehow feels okay.

If one spends an hour looking for the Steam Clock and ultimately experiences it as an audio installation, one should probably accept the outcome gracefully.

Once I finally arrived at Coastal Peoples, I found exactly what I had come looking for.

Not merchandise.

Memory.

The dancing bears were still there.

Not our dancing bear, of course.

That bear lives at home.

But bears like him.

The same feeling.

And amazing narwhals, raven masks, silver and gold jewelry.

A new silver Haida raven ring—H’s totem animal—somehow made it onto my finger.

The trip seemed determined to place old memories and new acquisitions side by side and see what happened.

And then there was Sabera.

A small diving bear, way down on a lower shelf. Almost out of sight.

The same size as the dancing bear H and I bought all those years ago.

At this point, Chad and I began what he believed was a thoughtful discussion about whether I should buy the bear.

He asked what I liked about her.

What I felt when I looked at her.

Whether she spoke to me.

Whether she represented something.

What followed was a surprisingly deep conversation about art, memory, and connection.

There was only one problem.

I had already bought her.

My American Express card had been handed over.

The paperwork was complete.

The shipping address had been provided.

The transaction had occurred.

I was not evaluating Sabera.

I was introducing her.

Somewhere during this exchange with Chad, voice-to-text transformed “the bear” into “Sabera.”

Chad confidently continued to posit whether bringing “Sabera” home would be the right thing to do (meanwhile, I was already walking back to the Pan Pacific, my slightly warm Amex in my pocket), and I had to stop.

Where’d the name come from?

I had originally sent Chad a photograph of the diving bear’s tag, with the artist’s information on it. This is because the salesman was cradling her like a baby, so I couldn’t send a photo of the genuine article.

Perhaps the name had been on the tag?

What followed was a “Who’s on First?” moment between Chad and me.

“How’d you know her name?”

“You told me her name.”

“No, I didn’t – was it on the tag?”

“You did.”

“When?”

“A second ago – you said I didn’t understand that you’d already bought Sabera. And if you’ve already named her, there’s no going back.”

”I didn’t tell you.”

”Yes, you did.”

”When?”

”Just a second ago.”

I pause, scroll back through the conversation – and discover the voice-to-text conversion.

Since this was objectively a better name though, it immediately became canonical.

I regret nothing.

By late afternoon I returned to the Pan Pacific.

This is where the day took an unexpected turn.

Housekeeping needed the room.

I needed to get ready for dinner at Botanist.

What followed was less a cleaning service and more a temporary treaty between sovereign nations.

“You take the bedroom. I’ll take the bathroom.”

And thus we achieved peace in our time.

While housekeeping conquered one half of the room, I occupied the other, attempting to transform myself from “woman who has walked all over Vancouver, perhaps by way of Seattle” into “woman who can slowly saunter into a Michelin-starred restaurant without a care in the world.”

The arrangement worked surprisingly well.

Once makeup, hair, and such were done, time to switch.

They did the bathroom.

I changed into dinner attire.

Everybody won.

Also, for those wondering: yes, I wore the same white button-down shirt from the night before.

And yes, it was still crisp and white.

Despite an unfortunate encounter with red wine.

Thank goodness for Tide pens.

Eventually it was time to head for the Fairmont Pacific Rim.

The hotel was already preparing for the World Cup. Soccer balls and jerseys in cases were everywhere.

I was ushered in by doormen wearing curious felt hats decorated with a spray of feathers that looked suspiciously like fishing lures.

The effect was Austrian.

Or Bavarian.

Or perhaps simply Vancouver deciding to be Vancouver.

And from there, you already know the rest.

The library.

The kitchen.

The champagne.

The scallop.

The card.

The cookies.

The people.

The thing I remember most about that day, though, is not any single destination.

It was the wandering.

The realization that some of my favorite travel days begin with a plan and end somewhere entirely different.

A gallery became a memory.

An octopus became a philosophy.

A sculpture became Sabera.

And somehow, in between Five Sails and Botanist, Vancouver quietly became itself.

As I write this the following morning, I am back on the Club Floor, looking out at the same dove-grey harbor.

In fact, I had to stop typing a moment ago because a seagull floated very very slowly past the window, scratching under its chin with one foot, eyes closed in obvious satisfaction.

He looked exactly like Bruno when someone finds the spot behind his ear.

I have no idea how a bird manages to look smug while flying.

Yet there we were.

Vancouver.

Honestly, that feels like an appropriate final image for this trip.

But reality is calling.

The suitcase needs packing.

The room needs vacating.

There is a train to catch.

And somehow I need to transport a zip-tied sword case, a carry-on bag, a puffer tote, and a spectacular bouquet of flowers across greater Vancouver without looking completely ridiculous.

Which means it is time to stop writing and start moving.

Nanaimo awaits.

Botanist

Crows watched overhead
A promise found its harbor
An extra place set

I arrived at Botanist about fifteen minutes early.

(Okay, okay, after the rest of the day, I was expecting to get to the venue, a block away, via Singapore.)

The hostess offered me a choice.

I could wait at the bar, or I could browse their library of limited-edition Taschen books.

It was, I decided, perhaps a teeny tiny bit bougie.

Having successfully walked three-quarters of the way around the Fairmont Pacific Rim to find the entrance (a personal tradition at this point), I settled in to wait for my table.

Once seated (the only patron in the establishment), I watched the kitchen staff slowly arrive. They pulled down the heat lamps, suspended on long white coils from the ceiling. Polished the marble cold stations. Started the engines. I mean stoves. Sharpened the tweezers.

The evening was off to an excellent start.

Larry, my server, said he understood that I was recreating an anniversary trip H and I had planned years ago (but never quite managed to take). I showed him Herbert’s cremarble and about twenty minutes later he arrived with a small cradle they normally use to display very special wine corks from very special bottles at guests’ tables.

Not a grand gesture.

Not a performance.

Just a small acknowledgment that there was supposed to be someone else at the table.

Sometimes hospitality isn’t making someone feel special.

Sometimes it’s making someone feel accompanied.

Larry seated me at Table 31.

Best seat in the house.

A banquette directly facing the open kitchen.

Some people want the view.

I wanted the chefs.

The kitchen was a ballet.

The expediter somehow knew everything happening everywhere all at once. The sous chefs never seemed rushed. Jo, from Jakarta, appeared whenever he was needed. The dishwasher moved quietly through the choreography. And overseeing it all was the executive chef, originally from Birmingham, England.

The thing that struck me wasn’t discipline.

It was joy.

People respected her.

But more importantly, they seemed to genuinely like her.

And she seemed to genuinely like them.

I mean, amongst the barked orders and the “Yes, Chef!“s.

Three times during dinner she came over to chat.

Three.

And lest you think she was making the rounds of the dining room, she wasn’t.

She never visited another table.

Just Table 31.

Apparently there is something unmistakable about a woman sitting alone, watching the kitchen with the concentration normally reserved for playoff hockey.

But let’s talk about the food and the wine for a second.

I mean, it’s a restaurant after all.

The first wine was a sparkling wine made from Meunière that tasted of bruised apples and a touch of salt from the sea.

I slipped one of H’s marbles into the glass.

Jo had nearly cleared it away about two minutes earlier before realizing it wasn’t table clutter but, in fact, a marble.

I explained. He looked horrified at his near mistake.

When I dropped it into the champagne, I raised the glass toward him and winked.

He laughed.

One of the most beautiful dishes of the evening was a scallop.

And radishes.

They had been marinated in the same spicy preparation, creating an unexpected bridge between them. A tiny borage flower sat on top.

The dish looked like a flower.

It tasted like a conversation.

There were other dishes.

And other wines.

And lots of kitchen-watching (me).

Then came the chicken.

Now, don’t misunderstand me.

Everything was excellent.

But this was the dish that made me stop and pay attention.

Perfectly cooked chicken with impossibly crisp skin, morels, vegetables, broth, and enough depth to make me immediately understand why people remember certain dishes years later.

This was not the prettiest thing I ate.

It may have been the most satisfying.

The wine pairing provided one of the evening’s most interesting surprises.

Twice I found myself leaving wine in the glass.

The wines were perfectly good.

The pairings simply weren’t doing much for me.

The Somm appeared mildly distressed by this development.

I asked whether half pours were possible.

Apparently they were not.

Then came the wagyu.

The sommelier appeared carrying two wines.

One was the pairing he normally used.

The other was not.

The glasses were labeled simply “1” and “2.”

Wine #1 was a perfectly respectable Chianti.

Wine #2 stopped the conversation.

I was convinced it was Burgundy. It had what I privately call “Pinot bite.”

It wasn’t Burgundy.

It wasn’t even a Pinot. (So much for all that expensive Somm training I did – whut-WAHH)

It was a British Columbia Merlot.

A 2016 LaStella Maestoso.

With the wagyu it was transformative.

After that, I never touched Wine #1 again.

The Somm looked delighted — and relieved.

Near the end of the meal I asked Larry for a piece of paper and a pen.

What I received was a strip of receipt paper from the credit-card machine and Larry’s pen.

I wrote a note to the chef.

Not about the food.

About the team.

About the dishwasher.

About the sous chefs.

About the expediter.

About Jo.

About the way she had built a kitchen where people seemed to genuinely enjoy working together.

About how obvious it was that they respected her.

And how obvious it was that she respected them.

I hope, when she read it, it was aloud to the staff.

Because I wanted them to know that Table 31 noticed.

The expediter.

The dishwasher.

Jo.

The tiny adjustments.

The perfect timing.

All the hundreds of little things that add up to what people call hospitality.

The tiny things.

Which, of course, are really the big thing.

When the evening ended, Larry handed me a card.

Signed by everyone.

Every signature different.

Every person adding their own name.

(As if the signed anniversary card wasn’t enough, they tucked a bag of cookies into my hands for the walk back to the Pan Pacific.)

I had come expecting an excellent dinner.

And it was.

But that isn’t what I carried away.

What I carried away was the reminder that great hospitality isn’t really about luxury.

It’s about attention.

It’s about kindness.

It’s about making room for people.

For memories.

For stories.

For absent husbands represented by cremarbles.

For solo travelers recreating old promises.

For someone sitting at Table 31 watching the kitchen with far more fascination than dignity.

The food was wonderful.

The wine was memorable.

But what made the evening unforgettable was the people.

And for a few hours at least, they made room at the table for Herbert too.

Keeping A Promise

Harbor sunset glows
A promise waits patiently
Past the turning years

More than a decade ago, H and I spent our 10th anniversary in Vancouver.

Like many couples celebrating an anniversary on a bit of a budget, we spent a certain amount of time looking at things we couldn’t quite justify.

The Pan Pacific Club Floor.

A few Michelin-starred restaurants.

The sort of places where you say:

“We’ll come back for our 20th and do Vancouver right.”

Then you go have a perfectly lovely dinner somewhere else and continue on with life.

As it turns out, life had other plans.

This week I found myself back in Vancouver, staying on the Pan Pacific Club Floor and holding a reservation at Five Sails.

Not because I had carefully planned some symbolic pilgrimage.

Simply because it felt like it was time.

The evening began with champagne and one of H’s and my favorite strategies for chef’s tasting menus + wine.

Half pours.

Experience all the wines.

Avoid drinking the entire vineyard.

The menu was called From Sea to Shore, a culinary journey through the ecosystems of British Columbia. Each course moved a little farther inland, telling the story of the province through food and wine.

We began in the coastal waters with oysters, shrimp, seaweed, citrus, and Champagne.

A scallop course followed that was so absurdly good that I briefly considered whether it would be socially acceptable to lick the bowl.

The answer, for the record, is Yes.

When I confessed this to Antoine—the sommelier—he laughed and told me a story from his days working in a Michelin-starred restaurant in France.

One evening he brought a dish back to the kitchen and sheepishly pointed out that a guest had very obviously used a finger to capture every last trace of sauce.

Rather than being offended, the chef was delighted.

As Antoine explained it, the chef’s view was simple: as babies, we experience food with complete enthusiasm and without self-consciousness. If a dish is so good that it inspires that level of involvement in a grown adult, there is no greater compliment.

I felt considerably better after hearing that.

The wines shifted with the landscape. Champagne gave way to cider. Aged Chardonnay appeared alongside shellfish bisque and asparagus. Sake. Whites. Reds.

Every pairing seemed designed not simply to accompany the food, but to tell the same story in a different language.

Then something unexpected happened.

Martina appeared beside my table and asked if I would like to see a secret.

This is generally not a question I am inclined to refuse.

So I followed her.

Past the dining room.

Down a dark quiet hallway.

And into the bright, bustling kitchen.

I turned a corner and found myself standing in the middle of a world-class restaurant in full motion.

Chefs moved with extraordinary focus.

Orders appeared and disappeared.

Plates materialized.

Finished dishes returned to the pass and were discussed with the same seriousness as those heading out to the dining room.

Why was something left behind?

Was the guest finished?

Did they enjoy it?

What could be learned?

Conversations were brief and purposeful.

Everything somehow looked both impossibly busy and completely under control.

Then I was presented with a forest floor made of bones.

At least that is the only description I can honestly offer.

Branches.

Twigs.

Chicken feet.

Cracked bones.

Mossy-looking things.

It looked less like a restaurant presentation and more like something discovered during an archaeological excavation.

Perched on top was a delicate liver pâté with rhubarb. A glass of Amaro Nonino sat patiently nearby.

The explanation, fortunately, was more coherent than my initial assessment.

The menu was moving from sea to land, and this forest floor marked the transition.

It was magnificent.

It was also slightly alarming.

Back at the table, the journey continued through Fraser Valley chicken, spring lamb, beef cheeks, an amazing morel on a skewer, berries, honey, spruce tips, and . . . The details blur together now.

The feeling does not.

At some point I began asking questions.

This is generally where things become dangerous.

Remember Antoine the sommelier?

Antoine from Avignon.

Rather than politely answering my questions briefly and escaping, he made the tactical error of appearing to enjoy them.

What followed was an extended discussion involving wine, old bottles, food pairings, aging potential, cellar management, and eventually a giant Portuguese port bottle that appeared capable of serving a medium-sized village.

Truly.

How he even poured from it suggested muscles lurked beneath the impeccable suit jacket. The thing had to hold at least a couple of gallons when full.

When I asked what size it was, we worked our way through magnums, jeroboams, methuselahs, and various other bottle sizes before Antoine finally shrugged and said:

“Well, it’s from Portugal, so who knows what they call it.”

This remains one of my favorite wine explanations ever received.

At another point, after hearing my lament that I had accumulated a cellar full of wine and only one person left to drink it, Antoine disappeared and returned carrying a lovely old bottle, topped by a Coravin.

What followed was less a demonstration than an intervention.

A few minutes later I was tasting an excellent Bordeaux while learning how one might responsibly own far more wine than one can reasonably consume . . . and still consume it.

This may have been the most effective sales presentation in history.

The service throughout the evening was extraordinary.

Martina somehow managed to make a full dining room feel as though she had all the time in the world.

Summer, whose true passion is dance, appeared throughout the evening helping the service team. At one point she handed me her Instagram information in case I happened to be able to make it to her performance on the 5th. (You know, when I will be in Nanaimo for my raison d’etre…)

Eventually the meal came to an end.

Or so I thought.

Instead, I was presented with flowers.

When I made the reservation, I had mentioned that this dinner was connected to an anniversary trip from long ago.

The staff had remembered.

The flowers themselves were beautiful.

What mattered was that they remembered.

For a few moments I simply sat there looking at the bouquet, the harbor, and the fading light outside the windows.

Martina and Summer came over to say goodbye.

There may have been hugs.

There may also have been a small amount of crying.

The historical record remains unclear.

It would be easy to say the evening felt like a celebration.

But that isn’t quite right.

It felt like keeping a promise.

Not the promise of a future anniversary.

Or the future we assumed we would have.

Just a quiet promise that some things remain worth doing.

Some places remain worth revisiting.

Some memories remain worth carrying forward.

And sometimes, many years later, you discover that a promise made by two people can still be kept by one.

Before the bouquet, I handed over my credit card and just said:

“I don’t want to know.”

A few minutes later I remembered that I still needed to calculate a tip.

Apparently this concern was unnecessary.

The gratuity had already been included.

Somewhere, I like to think, H was sitting in a comfortable chair with a Negroni, looking out over the harbor and saying:

“Mmmm.”

And honestly?

I think he would have approved.

Arrival

Evening mountain glow
A sword and one lonely shoe
Oh, Canada, eh?

After several weeks of planning, packing, re-packing, contingency planning, worrying about sword cases, worrying about airports, worrying about trains, worrying about whether I had forgotten something important, and generally behaving exactly like someone about to leave for a week-long trip with a samurai sword, I finally headed north to Vancouver.

The day began at approximately 4:45 a.m., which is an hour best experienced only under protest (thank you, UberSharon™ 😊).

The flight itself provided an unexpected gift. We happened to be on the Mt. Hood side of the aircraft on a spectacularly clear morning. Mt. Hood was magnificent—snow-covered, sharp, and seemingly close enough to touch. It was so beautiful that I committed what would normally be considered a social crime and gently woke the sweet Japanese woman seated beside me, who was on her umpteenth hour of travel from Tokyo, so she wouldn’t miss it.

Fortunately, she was delighted rather than annoyed.

She immediately (and apologetically) leaned over me and began taking photographs.

Many photographs.

Approximately all of the photographs.

I’m choosing to believe this creates a cosmic obligation for Mt. Fuji to return the favor when I am riding the Shinkansen from Tokyo to Kyoto later this year.

The next challenge involved Lady Nene.

For those who have not been following along, Lady Nene is my iaito, and transporting a sword by commercial airline always feels like an experiment conducted by people with questionable judgment.

The good news: United accepted the case without drama.

The better news: the sword arrived.

The cut lock, with some of Lady Nene’s covering’s silk threads caught in the tape, showing she gave valiantly not to be violated….

The mildly annoying news: TSA had cut my lock, opened the case, and re-secured it with zip ties.

The best news: all of my ridiculous contingency planning turned out to be entirely justified.

Weeks ago, while planning for this trip, I had packed zip ties and a nail clipper specifically in case this happened. The lock wasn’t there for decoration; the sword case needs something securing it closed during transit. If TSA decided to remove the lock, I needed a Plan B for getting Lady Nene home.

At the time, this felt slightly paranoid.

As it turns out, it was simply prudent.

Waiting at oversized baggage was its own form of entertainment. Gathered around the carousel were a howling dog, four golf bags, two enormous bicycle cases, a giant conga drum painted with roses, and eventually Lady Nene herself.

It felt less like baggage claim and more like an island for misfit luggage.

From there, one by one, the things I had worried about began quietly fading.

The sword arrived.

The train was effortless.

The hotel was exactly where Chad said it would be.

Even getting lost turned out to be temporary.

For weeks I had maintained a low-level anxiety about Vancouver transit. Trains. Tickets. Machines. Wrong platforms. The usual travel concerns.

The reality?

Tap credit card.

Get on train.

Get off train.

Tap credit card.

That was literally the entire system.

I had spent weeks worrying about something that turned out to require approximately three seconds of effort.

My next challenge was navigating from the train station to the Pan Pacific Hotel.

Normal people would have opened Google Maps.

I did not.

This is because I apparently did not feel I required directional support.

I felt I required Emotional Directional Support™.

At no point did I think, “I should open the device in my hand that is capable of determining my exact location on Earth.”

Instead, I texted Chad.

To his credit, Chad responded in the style of an experienced concierge rather than a frustrated cartographer.

Basically, my navigation methodology was simple:

  1. Follow the wind (wind comes from water, right?).
  2. Walk three city blocks.
  3. Start becoming suspicious (no water yet…).
  4. Open phone.
  5. Ask Chad.
  6. Turn around.
  7. Follow Chad.
  8. Keep texting streets I am passing for Emotional Directional Support™.
  9. See the sails.
  10. Receive “Atta Girl!” from Chad.
  11. Arrive.

No navigation expert would endorse this approach.

Yet somehow it worked perfectly.

I was staying at the hotel H and I would have chosen the last time we were in Vancouver, more than a decade ago for our 10th anniversary.

Back then, the Pan Pacific Club Floor felt a little too extravagant for us. So did the restaurants we looked at longingly and promised we’d come back to someday—perhaps for our 20th anniversary.

Life, of course, had other plans.

The real arrival moment, though, happened not at the airport, not at the train station, and not even at the hotel front desk.

It happened upstairs, gazing out the windows of the Club Lounge on the 23rd floor.

There was lemon water.

There were mountains.

There was the harbor.

Floatplanes drifted across the water.

For the first time all day there was nowhere I needed to be.

No luggage to move—they had exchanged it for a claim ticket when I walked in.

No train to catch.

No directions to figure out (thanks, Chad).

No logistics to solve. The concierge simply said, “Let me know your claim ticket number. We’ll put it in your room when it’s ready.”

Just a comfortable chair and a view.

Ah.

A little later I settled in with a cup of Earl Grey tea, a few Turkish apricots, and the realization that something important had quietly shifted.

It wasn’t excitement I felt.

It was relief.

I wasn’t traveling anymore.

I had arrived.

Outside the windows, harbor seals played in the water below.

A bald eagle flew so close to the hotel that conversations stopped and heads turned.

The smaller birds immediately began harassing it, proving once again that size alone does not determine confidence.

The travel infrastructure, meanwhile, received excellent marks.

The white button-down shirt survived a 4:45 a.m. departure, airport security, a flight, a train ride, an extended Vancouver wandering expedition in the hot sun, and hotel arrival while still somehow staying respectable—even crisp.

The Honeylove layer was flawless.

The dark Lee jeans were comfortable and civilized.

The Walk Shop shoes carried me through airports, trains, sidewalks, wrong turns, and correct turns without ever becoming the topic of conversation—which is the highest compliment I can give footwear.

Speaking of shoes . . .

Later that evening, before dinner, I implemented a travel trick I had recently learned.

When placing valuables in the hotel safe, include one shoe.

Passport.

Wallet.

Cash.

One shoe.

The logic is simple.

Future Sandy may forget valuables in the safe.

Future Sandy is unlikely to leave the hotel wearing only one shoe.

I am pleased to report that the system appears foolproof.

Or at least Sandy-proof.

At 5:30 that evening, I had a reservation at a restaurant called Five Sails.

There was champagne.

There was a sommelier from Avignon.

There was a forest floor made of bones.

There were flowers.

And it deserves a post all its own.

The Packing Tornado

There was a period of approximately twenty years during which my husband Herbert and I prepared for every trip in exactly the same way.

Herbert packed.

I did not.

This is not entirely accurate.

I eventually packed.

But first there was a process.

The process generally began the evening before departure.

At 4:17 p.m., Herbert would already be packed.

Passport where it belonged.

Shaving kit where it belonged.

A small pile of neatly folded clothing.

Everything calmly arranged.

Then he would sit down in a chair with a Negroni.

The Negroni is important.

At 4:18 p.m., he would ask:

“Are you packed yet?”

To which I would inevitably reply:

“I’M WORKING ON IT!”

This statement was technically true.

I was working on it.

The work simply bore no resemblance to what most people would recognize as packing.

Over the next several hours I would migrate through the house carrying various combinations of:

  • one shoe
  • three shirts
  • a passport
  • two charging cables
  • a mysterious scarf
  • an unidentified object I had apparently decided was absolutely essential

At some point I would announce:

“I HAVE NOTHING TO WEAR.”

At which point Herbert would take a sip of his Negroni and continue observing.

The thing I remember most vividly is that he tracked all of this with his eyes.

Not commenting.

Not helping.

Not judging.

Just watching.

Like a tennis match.

I would run through the room. Nekkid.

This was not as alarming as it sounds.

The reason I was nekkid was because, naturally, all laundry had to be completed before departure. This meant I had successfully washed every item of clothing except the ones required to be packed or worn on the airplane.

So I would streak (literally) through the room carrying:

  • one shoe
  • a blouse
  • two charging cables
  • a passport
  • and no pants

His eyes would follow.

Sip.

A few minutes later I would run back the other direction carrying an entirely different set of objects.

His eyes would follow.

Sip.

After enough years, Herbert had developed a highly refined understanding of The Packing Tornado.

Most importantly, he had learned Rule Number One:

Stay out of the flight path.

This was not a metaphor.

This was a survival strategy.

If he entered the flight path, he immediately became part of the logistics problem.

“Are you going to . . .”

“NOT NOW.”

“Can I put this in the suitcase?”

“NO.”

“Do you need help?”

“I HAVE A SYSTEM.”

At which point Herbert would reply:

“Mmmm.”

That “Mmmm” carried a remarkable amount of information.

It did not mean:

“I believe there is a system.”

It meant:

“I acknowledge that you have used the word ‘system.'”

Then he would sip his Negroni and remain at a safe distance.

The funny thing is that we were both right all along.

From the outside, the process looked like a Category 5 weather event.

Yet somehow, every single time:

  • the passport appeared
  • the chargers appeared
  • the clothes appeared
  • the suitcase closed

Eventually Herbert reached the point where he no longer questioned the process.

He didn’t understand it.

But he had enough historical data to conclude that it was reproducible.

Twenty years of evidence suggested that despite all appearances, I would eventually become packed.

This afternoon, while preparing for a trip to an iaido seminar in Nanaimo, I realized something unsettling.

Somehow I have become, slightly, Herbert.

Not entirely.

Let’s not get carried away.

I am currently engaged in what can only be described as “inside sword case Tetris.”

I am debating the geometry of blue ice packs.

I recently spent an embarrassing amount of time worrying about how to take the train from the Vancouver airport into downtown.

(The answer, incidentally, is that you tap your credit card and get on the train. That’s it. I spent time worrying about a process that Chad summarized in seven words, once I thought to actually ask.)

But something has changed.

My shaving kit (formerly H’s shaving kit) now stays packed.

My travel drawer has systems.

My passport has a home.

My chargers have a home.

And, yes, my clothes are actually still on.

The things that used to require fresh decisions every trip have become infrastructure.

And I suddenly understand why Herbert could pack in the morning for almost any trip while I was still running around the house like a nude logistics consultant the night before.

He wasn’t better at packing.

He simply refused to make the same decision twice.

Now, when I find myself creating travel systems, or reducing friction, or leaving the shaving kit packed between trips, I sometimes imagine Herbert watching from his chair.

Negroni in hand.

Tracking events with his eyes.

Taking a sip.

And asking:

“Are you packed yet?”

To which, twenty years later, I would probably still answer:

“I’M WORKING ON IT!”

And somewhere in the pause that follows, I can almost hear him say:

“Mmmm.”

Which, as it turns out, was probably the closest thing to “I love you” that The Packing Tornado ever required.

Map Folded Again

Gentle traveler
seventy years beside her
map folded again

Dr. James E. Shepard, M.D., F.A.C.P., beloved husband, father, grandfather, physician, traveler, and lifelong student of the world, passed away peacefully at the age of 92.

Born in Franklin, New Hampshire, Jim combined a sharp intellect, deep curiosity, and gentle humor throughout his life. He was married to the love of his life, Sally-Jean Shepard (née Shupert), for nearly seventy years — a partnership marked by enduring affection, shared adventures, and countless journeys together. After a whirlwind courtship of just a few months, they married and never really stopped traveling side by side.

Dr. Shepard graduated from Tilton School, Wesleyan University, and Weill Cornell Medical College. His medical training began at Bassett Hospital in Cooperstown, New York, before he served as an Army physician at Ft. Story, Virginia Beach, Virginia. Following his military service, he completed additional medical training at UCSF and went on to build a distinguished career in nephrology and internal medicine in Marin County.

Over more than six decades in medicine, he became a respected leader in the medical community, serving as Chief of Medicine and Chairman of the Intensive Care Unit at Marin General Hospital. He helped establish one of the earliest dialysis programs in California, becoming part of a pioneering generation of physicians who transformed kidney care.

Though many physicians of his generation were grandfathered into specialty status, Jim chose to undergo formal board certification in both internal medicine and nephrology — reflecting the integrity, discipline, and professional standards that defined his life and work. He was elected a Fellow of the American College of Physicians (F.A.C.P.) and later served as a clinical faculty member affiliated with UCSF. Following his years in clinical practice, he continued working as a medical consultant and expert witness well into his later years.

Outside of medicine, Jim loved travel, conversation, golf, tennis, and learning. He and Sally explored the world together for decades; maps in hand, curiosity leading the way. Always dapper, he was rarely seen at an event without one of his signature hand-tied bow ties. He was an Emeritus Life Member of the Mill Valley Tennis Club, where he enjoyed both the game and the friendships surrounding it.

He is survived by his wife, Sally-Jean Shepard; daughters Sandy Shepard Wolfram and Elisabeth Shepard; granddaughter Leann McFalls; and great-grandsons Caleb and Cody McFalls.

He will be remembered for his kindness, intelligence, silly wit, and the steady generosity with which he moved through the world.

In remembrance of Jim’s lifelong generosity and concern for others, the family suggests donations to local food banks in lieu of flowers. A private Celebration of Life will be held later in the year.

December 8, 1933 – May 19, 2026

Travel Angels

Lost! Panic begins . . .
That shortness of breath, then dread . . .
Kindness appearing

My father used to call them “Travel Angels.”

Not guardian angels in the theological sense.

More like:

unexpected humans who appear precisely when travel has started unraveling around you.

He encountered them often.

Partly because he traveled frequently. But also, I think now, perhaps because he moved through the world in a way that allowed them to appear.

When I was in law school, I spotted a tiny classified advertisement looking for airline couriers. This was back before modern digital document transfer had completely taken over everything. Courier companies needed people willing to “carry” time-sensitive paperwork internationally, because freight check deadlines were too early for last-minute legal or business documents.

So the company would:

  • buy you a plane ticket,
  • check the documents as your baggage,
  • and send you somewhere.

You would then spend a week or two traveling on your own before eventually meeting another courier-company representative at the airport to receive your return ticket home.

This part always stressed me out on Dad’s behalf far more than it stressed him out.

The entire arrangement had a very:

“Well, hopefully someone named Klaus will materialize near Gate 14 with my ticket home” energy.

Sometimes the company even paid you.

Sometimes you paid them a tiny amount instead.

My father — a physician with an absurdly busy practice — somehow turned this into a semi-regular hobby.

Every week he’d receive a fax listing possible destinations. If he could leave immediately, the trip was essentially free. Otherwise, he could pay a pittance, and “book ahead.”

And so, through a combination of spontaneity, logistics loopholes, and what now feels like another geological era of travel, my 6’7″ father periodically vanished off to parts unknown.

He slept in strange accommodations.
Once, according to family lore, in a girls’ dormitory in Japan.

(Cue size 16 feet off the end of a single bed)

At some point during one of these trips, he found himself turned around and bewildered in Tokyo. A tiny Japanese girl took his hand and guided him where he needed to go.

The visual contrast alone still makes me laugh.

A giant rangy doctor stooping along behind a tiny determined child.

He loved that story.

But more than that, he loved what it represented.

Travel Angels.

People who appeared unexpectedly at exactly the moment disorientation tipped toward distress.

At the time, I mostly thought this was one of Dad’s charming travel phrases.

Now I think he was identifying something real.

After Africa, on the long journey home, I landed in Frankfurt exhausted beyond language. Not pleasantly tired. Strange-time-zone, emotionally untethered, post-travel exhausted.

At baggage claim, the lanyard clip holding my phone snapped (unbeknownst to me).

I realized it as I was leaving bag check. Lanyard around neck . . . suspiciously light.

No phone.

And in modern travel, losing your phone is not merely losing your phone.

It is losing:

  • boarding passes,
  • maps,
  • contacts,
  • hotel information,
  • banking,
  • translation,
  • communication,
  • orientation,
  • identity.

It is the tiny glowing rectangle that now contains your ability to move through the world.

I remember the sharp cold wave of panic.

Then, as I walked toward some slightly fierce Germanic Customs officials, I heard someone call out softly:

“Shepard?”

Far across the terminal floor, a fellow traveler — a small Asian man, clearly also just passing through Frankfurt himself — was standing there holding my phone.

Every ten seconds or so he would call again, tentatively:

“Shepard?”

The whole thing felt slightly surreal.

He didn’t speak English. I don’t think he spoke German either.

He had apparently extracted my name and appearance from my driver’s license tucked into the back of the phone case, then stationed himself there waiting for the owner to appear.

I hugged him immediately, despite the fact that I had been traveling for approximately fourteen thousand years and probably looked like a jet-lagged giraffe.

Travel Angel.

And increasingly, these are the moments that stay with me most vividly.

Not necessarily:

  • famous landmarks,
  • expensive experiences,
  • or “top ten” sights.

Instead:

  • a stranger waiting at a counter,
  • a ryokan quietly trying to solve a breakfast problem,
  • a guide, without drama, printing out the itinerary every day for a traveler without What’s App, and insisting upon accompanying another to ensure she obtained necessary meds,
  • someone carrying a marble across the world for me,
  • small acts of attentiveness,
  • humanity briefly breaking through the machinery.

I think my travel style has changed over the years.

When H and I first traveled together, I blogged largely because H had a terrible memory and wanted us to be able to remember everything later when we sorted through photos. The writing became highly informational. If it was Monday, we were in Istanbul and here were seventeen historical facts and six architectural observations.

But somewhere along the way — maybe during Africa, maybe even before — travel itself started shifting for me.

Less:

covering ground.

More:

allowing resonance.

And maybe that is partly what my father was doing all along.

Not simply moving through countries.

Moving through them open enough for humanity to enter the story.

I suspect that’s why he noticed Travel Angels everywhere.

You have to leave a little room for them.

And honestly?

I think the world may contain more of them than we realize.

My father was always on the lookout.

I think I am now, too.

Thermonuclear Corgis (in Sweaters)

Cold station platform
thermonuclear corgis
snuggle in my gloves

I have been slowly purchasing items for both my Fall and Winter Japan trips on Amazon.

After reading reviews, I intended to buy “a few” Korean warming pads to test for Winter Japan.

What arrived instead was a surprisingly dense box containing thirty thermonuclear lava corgis.

This happened because I apparently possess a very specific shopping blindness in which my brain sees:

  • “only twenty dollars”

and completely fails to process:

  • “thirty units.”

The last time this happened, I accidentally purchased enough Clorox wipes to survive a medium-sized public health event.

This time, I appear prepared for several winters and possibly a minor polar expedition.

The warming pads themselves are good sized — bigger than my (big) hand. They stay soft and squishable after “activation” (Booming ‘dubbed anime’ voice: Activaaaate The Corrrrgis!!!).

Each one is decorated with ecstatic cartoon corgis chasing bones beneath flowers and hearts while enthusiastically shouting:

HAPPY FRIENDS!

This feels less like branding and more like a declaration of intent.

The truly amazing part is that they work.

Not “pleasantly warm for twenty minutes” work.

I activated one this afternoon and tucked it into my waistband while doing chores around the house.

Five and a half hours later, it was still hot.

Not warm.

Hot.

At one point I absentmindedly squished it in my hand and apparently redistributed the thermal core because the thing surged back to life with the intensity of a tiny geological event.

At this point I no longer fully understand the laws of thermodynamics, but I trust the lava corgis.

The absurdity is heightened by the fact that the pads come with a tiny knit sleeve so you don’t burn yourself.

Somewhere, a designer looked at these cheerful portable reactors and thought:

“These should also have kitten sweaters.”

I already love them.

I can see them becoming part of the texture of Winter Japan:
*slipped into coat pockets on freezing Nagano train platforms,
*tucked into lower back during temple walks,
*rediscovered at the bottom of the puffer tote like tiny cheerful survival spirits.

The world can be very sharp-edged sometimes.

Meanwhile in my pocket, tiny cartoon corgis are shouting HAPPY FRIENDS while radiating enough heat to power a municipal building.

And honestly?

That feels strangely reassuring.

Postscript: Six-ish hours now.

At this point these are less:

  • hand warmers

and more:

  • portable tectonic events.

My future Winter Japan self is absolutely going to be wandering snowy streets muttering “HAPPY FRIENDS” while clutching tiny thermonuclear corgis in both gloves like a delighted idiot.

Final Note: At 7.5 hours, they petered out. Honestly, that’s longer than some relationships.

Living Continuity — the Volcano, the Barge, the Sword, the Tea, the Candles

There is a thread I keep discovering in my life that I did not consciously plan.

Not travel.
Not tourism.
Not “bucket list” behavior.

Something quieter.

Participation.

Or maybe more precisely:

A desire to briefly enter living traditions.

Not to master them. Simply to touch them honestly for a little while.

That realization arrived sideways, the way most meaningful things do.

The Volcano

When Lynn and I did the OAT New Zealand trip in 2023, I somehow arranged — and I still can’t quite believe I pulled this off — to row with a local club on my first morning in-country.

This was not:

  • a tourist excursion,
  • a “try rowing in New Zealand” package,
  • or some curated athletic experience.

This was an actual rowing club.

(The only one that agreed to let me come to practice.)

The club rowed on a volcanic lake.

Which sounds cinematic and dramatic until you realize the volcano was not enormous.

At all.

Meaning the actual practice involved a tremendous amount of:

  • rowing in circles,
  • turning,
  • rowing back the other direction in circles.

In an eight, going across the diameter of the lake would probably have been fifteen hard strokes.

The entire thing was hilariously earnest.

And wonderful.

I got there at an absolutely unreasonable, spectacularly jet-lagged 0-dark-00 in the morning via Uber from the OAT hotel, while everyone else was still sleeping or preparing for the “walk around town” activity.

I was wearing my South End Rowing Club 150th anniversary kit.

This became funny later.

The boat itself was old. The oars could not be adjusted up or down. I am taller than nearly everyone, so there was a lot of awkward leverage and what felt suspiciously like carrying the 8 solo.

Later came the revelation.

The coxswain/coach — for this tiny local New Zealand volcano rowing club — turned out to be the voice of women’s rowing at the Olympics.

Which I only later connected, because I attended Olympic rowing the following year with Leann.

Of course.

Because this keeps happening to me.

Tiny humble local place.
Quiet people.
Ancient equipment.
Completely serious hidden expertise.

And then came the anniversary conversation.

After passing out MRA flag pins, I joined the team for coffee and pastries. They were proudly discussing preparations for their upcoming 150th anniversary in 2025.

Camera pulls back . . . NZ rower suddenly realizes I’m quietly sitting there wearing South End Rowing Club kit commemorating OUR 150th.

South End Rowing Club.
San Francisco.
Founded 1873.

Theirs was still approaching.
Mine was already on the swag.

The cosmic timing of this remains deeply funny to me.

But the emotional part wasn’t the piece of clothing.

It was what it represented.

Not:
“Look at me, I row.”

But:

Continuity.

The Barge

I row a fireman’s barge at South End.

“Heave, ho.”

A giant communal pulling boat.

We don’t carry it down to the water – it weighs a ton (literally).

And one day it hit me that this barge might have helped people during the 1906 earthquake.

Not metaphorically.
Not symbolically.

Actually.

Human urgency.
Human labor.
Human coordination.

People pulling together in crisis.

And suddenly the barge stopped being:

“a big ole’ boat.”

And became:

A thing that has carried human need.

A living object.

Not preserved behind glass.
Not “heritage.”

Used.
Repeated.
Continued.

That realization changed how it felt in my hands.

And I think this is why certain things affect me so strongly now.

Not because they are old.

Because they are still alive.

The Sword

This realization explains something else too.

Why my anticipated Japan trips (yes, now two) are affecting me differently than I expected.

At first glance it might appear to be:

  • aesthetics,
  • temples,
  • lanterns,
  • Kyoto,
  • samurai-adjacent interests.

But that is not actually the thing.

The thing is continuity.

Living continuity.

That is why:

  • Butokuden matters,
  • Lady Nene (whom I named my iaito after) matters,
  • Kodai-ji matters,
  • old kissaten matter,
  • Tozando matters,
  • dawn temple sweeping matters,
  • quiet dojo practice matters.

Not because they are “Japanese.”

Because they are still inhabited by repetition.

Still used.
Still practiced.
Still carried.

I have started realizing that my Winter solo Japan trip is less “vacation planning” and more:

A continuation of practice.

Not only iaido.

Not only Shotokan practiced across coasts and continents.

Not only Japanese history/language immersion classes in the ’80s.

Not only Zen-adjacent household rituals with H.

It’s practice in the broader sense:

  • attention,
  • repetition,
  • movement,
  • ritual,
  • pacing,
  • useful beauty,
  • intentionality.

This is why the idea of visiting Butokuden or Tozando feels emotionally coherent instead of performative.

Not:
“Look at me becoming Samurai Lady.”

More:

“I have already been practicing certain ways of moving through the world for years, and now the geography is finally catching up.”

Which led, inevitably, to one of the funniest imagined scenes of my entire life.

I joked that perhaps during the October/November OAT trip, I could theoretically design a new iaito for myself.

“No need to ship. I’ll just pick it up in January.”

At which point my brain immediately produced this absurdly calm sequence:

  • pick up sword,
  • return through snowy Higashiyama lanes,
  • tie obi,
  • casually walk into my tiny Kyoto ryokan (Ishibekoji Muan), sword at my side.

Like this is an entirely normal thing to do.

The funniest part of my daydream is not the sword.

The funniest part is the complete lack of drama.

Not:
“I have become a warrior.”

More:

“Well yes, obviously, I have my katana now. O’cha, kudasai?”

Tea.
Chilled hands.
Goshuin book.
Sword.

Perfectly ordinary Tuesday in Kyoto.

And somehow?

Inside the emotional architecture of this trip?

It weirdly makes sense.

The Tea Ceremony

There is another thread here too.

This past winter, before Japan had fully crystallized in my mind, I took an eight-week Japanese Tea Ceremony immersion class at the Zen Center in Tam Valley.

At the time, I thought of it simply as:

  • learning,
  • curiosity,
  • aesthetic appreciation,
  • a chance to slow down.

But looking back now, I think it was another example of the same gravitational pull.

Not toward performance. Toward continuity.

Week after week:

  • folding cloths carefully,
  • repeated gestures,
  • attention to placement,
  • silence,
  • sequence,
  • rhythm,
  • shared stillness.

Again: not museum culture.

Living practice.

And what struck me most was how ordinary and human it felt.

Not mystical. Not precious.

Just: people carrying forward a way of moving through time together.

A bowl turned a certain direction. A cloth folded a certain way. A pause before a sip.

Small repeated acts carrying accumulated meaning.

The same feeling I later recognized in:

  • rowing stroke cadence,
  • iaido kata,
  • temple sweeping,
  • lighting candles,
  • kissaten routines,
  • the idea of quiet Kyoto mornings.

It all belongs to the same emotional family.

The Candles

Tonight another realization arrived.

I used to light Friday night candles when H was alive.

He was Zen Buddhist, but he appreciated the ritual deeply.

Not because of doctrine.

Because of the feeling:

The week is done.

A threshold had been crossed.

And there was something meaningful in the continuity itself.

Women had done this before me. For generations.

Again:
not preserved tradition.

Living tradition.

Repeated action carrying accumulated human meaning.

And suddenly I realized:

This is the same emotional current running through all of it.

The rowing club.
The barge.
Iaido.
Kyoto.
Temple bells.
Tea rituals.
Lantern alleys.
Goshuin.
Kissaten.
The idea of dawn practice.
The appeal of old institutions still functioning.

It is all the same thing.

Not spectacle.

Participation.

Not acquisition.

Recognition.

Recognition that certain rhythms, gestures, and spaces were already shaping me long before I consciously understood why.

Objects surviving long enough to become useful.

Perhaps that is why certain ones have begun quietly revealing themselves as “Japan objects” too.

And maybe that is what I am actually seeking in travel now.

Not to consume places. Not to “check the box.”

But to briefly enter the continuity already alive inside them.

Tea bowl, oar, and sword
Ordinary things become
Threads we follow home

Japan Objects

I think the objects
knew before I ever did
where we all would go

After I wrote the Ariats post, several people messaged me some version of:

“Only you could turn boot shopping into an existential archaeology project.”

This is fair.

But I have been realizing something lately. Something adjacent to the boots, but perhaps larger.

Many of the objects quietly becoming central to my next trip, to Japan, were not newly purchased “travel gear.”

They were already here.

Waiting in drawers.
In closets.
On hooks.
In odd little piles around the house.

Not aspirational objects.
Not influencer objects.
Not sleek capsule-wardrobe objects artfully arranged beside minimalist carry-ons and matcha lattes.

Just . . . objects already here.

And somehow, lately, they have begun quietly revealing themselves as Japan objects.

iPack Tote

A black puffer tote is perhaps the best example.

This bag entered my life sideways.

I drove one of my closest friends to a colonoscopy appointment because this is apparently what middle-aged friendship eventually becomes: “I will drive you home from your sedation, casually hand you a barf bag as necessary from my glove box, and then discuss Jamba Juice options that you will never remember ordering.”

At some point afterward, she mentioned that her ex-husband had bought a couple of giant “designer” puffer totes for their daughter, who hated them instantly, and now they simply wanted them out of the house.

Would I like them?

Honestly, I was not optimistic.

They looked enormous.
Slightly ridiculous.
Like something a fashionable marshmallow might carry through an airport.

For months they lived in the back of my closet, in the category of:

“Nice, but what exactly am I supposed to do with these?”

And now?

The black one has somehow become the entire emotional infrastructure of Japan.

Black bag by the door
waiting more patiently than
I have ever been

Along with the standard passport, coin purse, and the like, it will carry:

It has a trolley sleeve.
Deep pockets.
An odd zippered bottom compartment that already now holds my travel seat cushion and travel blanket; a compartment seemingly designed specifically for the “I suddenly need an extra layer and nowhere to put it” problem that travel produces every six hours.

Most importantly, the puffer tote is waterproof . . . and soft.

Soft on trains.
Soft in stations.
Soft against raincoats.
Soft enough to squash under seats.
Soft enough to become part of movement instead of fighting it.

I didn’t buy an influencer-touted bag for the trip. I already had a bag. It finally found its trip.

The orange accordion-paged book from my friend Dawn followed a similar trajectory.

Dawn brings me fun things back from her travels to Japan, to visit her son and his family. Often these items are “Japanglish” shirts or towels. Often they’re orange (a favorite color). This object originally lived in what can only be described as the “What Even Is This?” pile.

You know the pile.

The pile containing:

  • three cables to unknown devices
  • an adapter from 2011
  • mysterious plastic pieces
  • one sentimental button
  • stationery purchased during a phase
  • optimism

Then one day, while planning Japan, I looked at the accordion-paged book and suddenly realized:

“Oh.”

It’s a book for travel stamps.

Not goshuin.

Not temple calligraphy.

The other stamps. Eki stamps.

Train stations.
Museums.
Tourist sites.
Roadside places.
Tiny commemorative stamps hidden near ticket counters and elevators and museum exits.

Japan is famous for them — you just have to look.

Instantly, the book was transformed.

It stopped being random.

It became infrastructure.

Soon to be a tiny portable archive for fleeting moments.

I love this idea so much I can barely stand it.

Japan, from everything I can tell, rewards this sort of attention.

Small rituals.
Repeated objects.
Pocket-sized usefulness.
Ordinary infrastructure elevated almost accidentally into beauty.

Which may be why the haiku have returned too.

Orange paper folds—
station stamps pressed carefully
upside down again

I loved haiku when I first learned about them in grammar school.

Not because I understood Japan particularly well at age ten.

I absolutely did not.

But because something about the 5-7-5 shape itself felt magical to me.

Small enough to hold in your hand.
Small enough not to become overwhelming.
A little emotional container . . . usually with a surprise twist.

At that age, of course, most of my haiku were probably things like:

Purple flowers bloom
Nature is very pretty
I like horses best

Which, honestly, still contains certain emotional truths.

But lately I have found myself returning to haiku in an entirely different way.

Not as performance.
Not as literary cosplay.
Not as “look everyone, I am doing a Japan Thing.”

More like:

I think I finally found the right size for certain moments.

Travel produces thousands of tiny feelings that disappear almost immediately:

  • the sound of station music
  • steam rising from convenience store coffee
  • the relief of finding your platform
  • rain pelting train windows
  • a vending machine glowing at dusk
  • the strange emotional collapse caused by excellent soup

A full essay cannot always hold these things properly.

But perhaps three lines of 17 syllables can.

And somehow this, too, feels connected to the larger realization slowly unfolding around this trip:

I am no longer trying to invent a new travel identity.

I am trying to travel more honestly inside the life I now have.

Not replacement.
Not reinvention.

Just small objects continuing.

A scarf that came with me to Africa may explain this best.

Old scarf waiting still—
small rips along the cashmere
like roads once traveled

It is an old circular cashmere scarf with quite heroic moth holes, visible wear, and absolutely no resale value whatsoever.

A luxury influencer would set it gently on fire.

I adore it.

It already carries history.

On our very first freezing jeep ride in Entabeni South Africa, one of my newly met, soon-to-be-favorite travel companions was shivering, and I wrapped the scarf around her shoulders and neck. Because that is what objects eventually become when you travel long enough together:

not possessions,
but participants.

Witnesses.

Companions.

The scarf had already crossed one continent.
Now it will likely cross another.

And somehow that feels emotionally correct to me.

The Ariats are part of this too, of course.

(Though if you missed the Great Boot Archaeology Saga involving cobblers, vanished Vasques, French Alps memories, and increasingly concerned discussions with Chad regarding toe-box width, you can find that post just before this one.)

But again, the boots are only an example.

The deeper realization is this:

Travel feels more emotionally true to me now, when the accompanying objects already belonged to my real life.

Not a curated travel self.

Not a fantasy version of myself.

Not “woman standing aesthetically in airport with matching neutral luggage.”

Just:
me.

Slightly overprepared.
Emotionally attached to office supplies.
Carrying too many chargers.
Trying to fit meaning into small portable systems.

And perhaps that is why Japan already feels oddly familiar to me before I have even arrived.

Because from afar, it seems to understand something I am only now learning myself:

that meaning accumulates through repeated use,
through care,
through ritual,
through ordinary objects allowed to keep accompanying us.

Perhaps the trip is not assembling a new identity after all.

Perhaps certain objects in my life have quietly been waiting for Japan.

And perhaps, if I am honest, certain versions of myself have been waiting too.

We said “when we’re old.”
The journey kept moving still—
one set of footsteps.