Below is a “down and dirty” video about my Fempower(R) accountability process!
It’s based on the SendOutCards Daily 8. I did it in my actual office. I show you my actual process. Not edited…I did say “down and dirty” right?
Three team members have asked me about this in the last few days – so I thought I’d show what I talk about! I hope that this will motivate you to try it – having a system is a huge part of getting things done!
Take a look…
My book Passive Income 101: a story about paying for college without selling your soul details – in the voice of a high school senior, Alexzandra – how one might go about paying for college in an “unusual” fashion…by using passive income to do it.
This morning, I was listening to a KCBS editorial on the radio, while driving to a networking meeting. It got my attention – thought I’d share.
They are doing this to get at the money – to do everything from paying for credit card debt to funding college educations for their kids.
As Eric Worre of NetworkMarketingPro.com says – the only “bad thing” about network marketing is that it has had a socially undesirable reputation. But it’s the best way to spend some of your current down time (TV watching…Facebook prowling…commuting…) to make some money without raiding the piggie bank.
The theory behind retirement accounts is that you put the money in each month, and it’s not taxed. Then, when you take it out in your 60s, you are taxed on it but you are making less money, so your income tax bracket is lower.
And, of course – if you wait until you are 59-1/2 – you don’t have to pay that 10% penalty for withdrawing the $. (The idea that you pay income tax on the full amount, though they then skim 10% off that before giving it to you, would make me think three times before doing it, believe me!)
If you are an employee and you “take a loan” out of your retirement account instead of cashing it out, it seems like a better bet – you make monthly payments to put it back in, and the loan interest goes into your account, too. However, the money that you took out isn’t working for you until it’s all paid back, and the amount that you’re not making is likely far more than the interest you are paying yourself – with post-tax dollars! Worse, if you are laid off, or change jobs, you will need to pay the entire loan back immediately.
Think about it. Before you “raid your nest egg,” perhaps it’s time to consider having a passive income family business?
Consider the implication of this idea…I bet 3 things would happen….
How this possible?
Accountability serves to protect your character, as well as your credibility, and more importantly, it helps you to accomplish all of your goals.
Without accountability, you’re highly vulnerable, easily distracted, and if not corrected, you’ll quickly become competitive toast.
Good question. Here is your answer:
Gary Ryan Blair, otherwise know as “The Goals Guy” has put together what I believe to be the most comprehensive form of accountability, goal setting and performance enhancement, that I have ever seen.
It’s called the 100 Day Challenge, and when you check out the following link, you’ll you’ll learn how to create mind-blowing results in 2013.
http://www.goalsguy.com/Affiliate/tgg.php?id=1036507
I’ve seen it, and it’s an amazing piece of work. Best of all, as I said, I’m buying it, and I’m doing it! (I’m on Day 6.) But you don’t have to take my word for it, check it out for yourself here:
http://www.goalsguy.com/Affiliate/tgg.php?id=1036507
Yeah, I meant that. How many of us live our lives like this?
You get prepared to do something. Ready.
Then you Fire – and your shot goes way off target.
And so then you Aim, and get a little closer, Fire! Still off. You Aim again…Fire!
Why do we work this way, instead of Ready, Aim, Fire?
Because getting Ready is action. And Firing is action. And Aiming involves thinking, meditating, planning, being calm, breathing (read: inaction). But it’s the crucial step.
So when you’re looking at your dreams, get yourself ready, BUT before you Fire (quitting your job, for example) – Aim.
Take a look at where you want to be, get a bead on it, think about it, plan, breathe, be calm, check the wind, check the weather. Be a sniper. Knock down that Dream the first time. You do not want to take an unaimed pot-shot at it, which is going to make it jump up and run farther away like a little bunny, and alert everyone else around you who might want to do a little sabotage!
– From Fempowerment: A Guide To Unleashing Your Inner Bond Girl, by Sandy Shepard
I’m not going to say much – I’m going to let this video speak for itself.
Suffice it to say, though, that this is not a “professional” video – it was taken with a Samsung handheld underwater camera from the surface of the water by lil’ ole me.
*to Sunlight On Water for leading the manta ray snorkeling dive. They told me you were the best – that’s an understatement.
*to my “West Bengal Tiger” Prashant Saha (prashant.kol01@gmail.com) for the AMAZING editing (45 minutes down to this!).
*Samsung for their W200 HD PocketCam underwater camera.
*The following musicians, who graciously offered their work for free download:
GlowWorm – a 2-man outfit from Portland, Oregon
Yuki Murata – from Japan
Cold Womb Descent – two astronomers influenced by observing astral creations and clouds of cosmic dust.
Oh – and of course – to “The Great Is” for the manta rays.
Wow, what a great photo, right? It’s one of the bars at The Standard Hotel, New York. H and I had the most amazing evening here. But it almost didn’t happen.
We had tickets to do an evening dinner sail around New York – spent a pretty penny for it, too. But we mis-timed getting to the dock…and did see the boat… just as it turned to sail into the beautiful sunset.
I was beside myself. After (mumble mumble) years of marriage, you’d think I would know that my husband is terrible at keeping to a timetable. He’s the standard Absent-Minded Professor type – and if you’ve married one sister, you know what I’m talking about. You also know that you can’t get mad at him if time-related things go sideways . . . because let’s face it, the time-space continuum just don’t work the same way for him as it does for you. (Okay, I know that perhaps you want to blame him when thing go sideways – or you want him to “be different” – but that’s not how it works. **Shameless Plug Alert*** You might want to pick up my book Fempowerment: A Guide To Unleashing Your Inner Bond Girl on Amazon.com if you need a little refresher in this area).
So back to us, dressed up, watching the boat sail bye-bye. I was “stomping my feet with little tears in my eyes” mad – because not only did I want to go, but also it had cost a lot and – hey – who has enough bucks to basically throw them into the Hudson and watch them as they swirl slowly to the murky depths?
When things go wrong – don’t go with them. Elvis Presley
My husband was a lot more philosophical about it. (Probably because I was suitably upset for the two of us.) He reminded me that we’d wanted to check out the High Line – an old elevated train line from the ’30s that had been turned into a park on the West Side. He pulled out his trusty iPhone, figuring it must be close, because we were on the West Side. Sure enough – there was an entrance stairway a couple blocks away.
So there we were, up on the High Line in our evening-going-yachting outfits, walking along, taking in a very cool park that has been turned through labors of love into an amazing public park. (If you haven’t ever seen or been there – check out the website.)
Part of the line actually goes through buildings – the original High Line was built to get freight trains off of Manhattan’s busy West Side streets (Meatpacking District, etc.). We figured that some of these had originally been freight way stations. When walking through one of the buildings, we looked up – and saw the bar that you can see in the first photo above – but it was far, far up on the very top floor.
We were intrigued.
We got down off the High Line, trying to figure out how to get into the building. All the windows were uniform, so we figured it was either a condo complex (with a great meeting room up top) or a hotel. The Standard isn’t big on outside advertising…in fact, the front door is blocked by a huge sculpture of a black and white cartoon-ish clown with his hands over his eyes.
When things go wrong, you’ll find they usually go on getting worse for some time; but when things once start going right they often go on getting better and better. – C.S. Lewis
There is a whole story about getting into the bar – the very VERY cool elevators (as you go up, an animated “scene” a la Alice In Wonderland changes slowly as if you were in a hot air balloon rising over it) – the “secret” roof bar – and watching the sun set over New Jersey. I’ll tell you all about it some time.
But this is the key.
The key is that without making the mistake – missing the boat, literally – we would not have gone to The Standard. And now I’ve recommended it to a few friends, and each and every one of them has said it was the highlight of their trip to Manhattan – as it was for us.
Because we missed the boat.
I remember going to a Suze Orman seminar once, where Suze said that anything bad that happens has an equal and opposite good thing that happens because of it. This was about 20 years ago and she was mainly talking about money (being Suze Orman), but I remember it to this day. She also said that if you’re in the “thick” of the bad thing happening, you will never be able to believe the truth of that statement – but if you find something bad – REALLY bad – at least three years in your past, you will be able to see that it actually led to something far greater and better happening.
Things don’t go wrong and break your heart so you can become bitter and give up. They happen to break you down and build you up so you can be all that you were intended to be. – Samuel Johnson
When I was at that seminar, I remember thinking that there was no way that this was true with respect to what I considered the “low part” of my life. Back in the early ’90s, I discovered that my long-term, live-in boyfriend had not only run up one of the credit cards I had as a “reserve” with a big limit (I of course thought the balance was zero – he had run it up and was paying the minimums, and would get the mail out of the mailbox before I saw it), but I also unexpectedly found out that he had been having affairs for years. Then when I tried to kick him out, he refused to go, and ultimately got us both kicked out – ruining my credit and throwing me back to living with my folks for a year.
I had found out the credit thing because things were rocky with him and I’d put a down payment on my own place, figuring I would have the ability to just melt away once I had my own digs – and the credit report showed this enormous $30k debt I knew nothing about, which meant it was impossible for me to secure a mortgage. After a little digging, it all came’a tumblin’ down.
So I was sitting there in that Suze Orman seminar, thinking “No way did anything good come of that.” But it had been over three years . . . and I started thinking.
Blogging about the experience (yes, I was blogging in the early ’90s) got the attention of a publisher – who wound up turning my blog into a book (as referenced above. Did I say shameless plug?) The house I was going to buy turned out to be a Money Pit – and I found one that was a lot better. And…relationships being what they are…had I not found this out, I might still be trying to “work it out’ with totally the wrong guy – instead of happily married to my Mr. Difficult But Definitely Mr. Right absent-minded professor.
So what’s the point?
I think that often we shake our fists and curse and stomp around when things go wrong. Or there is the ever useful habit of blaming the “circumstances” on something else – our spouse, the weather, the economy, the traffic, … whatever. If you’re doing that, Look. You need to pull on your big girl panties and realize that whatever is in your Life is there because you got it there. Do you remember high school geometry? How the tiniest little deviation in a “vector” away from a straight line can, after enough time, become a whopping huge deviance from the original path? Is that what’s happened? Trace it back – somehow, somewhere, even something as innocuous as missing a train (seen Sliding Doors?) might have put you where you are today.
But even once you realize that, as hard as it may seem, it’s time to give Thanks for it – and move on. Because there is an incredible energetic resonance from Gratitude. I once read that the one thing that everyone wants to be is to Be Seen. When you give Gratitude in a trying time, you open up the way for the good that “will come” from that bad (or “lesson”) to flow to you.
Sound new-agey? Not so. This is actually part of what quantum physics is about. It’s a very odd world, quantum physics. It’s being proven every day that the “higher the vibrational frequency” of an emotion (appreciation/thankfulness/gratitude being very high on the list), the more of it you attract to you when you concentrate on it.
So how to celebrate that gratitude? Another SHAMELESS PLUG alert – I’m sponsoring a 30 Day Gratitude Challenge – you can go to TakeItTeachIt.com and check it out, or contact me and I will give you the details. If you’re in the middle of a “bad time” just doing this Challenge daily won’t change your Life…until about Day 14. (smile)
Will concentrating on Gratitude turn problems into gifts, failures into successes, the unexpected into perfect timing? Actually, yes, if you give it enough time.
Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today and creates a vision for tomorrow. — Melodie Beattie
Being grateful for what you have, you generally get more of the same. Though this might sound like I am touting the PollyAnna Principle, you can see it very quickly in dealing with, for example, dogs or young children. If your child or pet does something right, you say Thank You, act delighted, and otherwise show them that you See Them and you Appreciate Them (you do, don’t you?). They will make note of how they made you feel towards them. And they will have the intention of doing the same again, to bring about that same feeling.
Similarly, if you do not show gratitude – then that person will not feel Seen. You do not “incentivize” them to act that way around you again.
Sure. You “mean” to do this, but you don’t have time, or hey, what about your life and them seeing you and all you do for them? Believe it or not – if you “go first” and start practicing this, it will absolutely come back to you, as the Scriptures say, tenfold. And you do have a Choice, you know. You can come from a place of misery, or from a place of positivity. Perhaps this is the question to ask – Would you want to be around you?
Be thankful for the challenges and obstacles. Even if you can’t feel positive about them in the thick of things, remember that these are learning opportunities, and do your best not to wallow in self-pity. Because things will change. And when it does change, are you going to be stuck with people remembering how you reacted “last time”? If you are blaming everything on your husband, for example, and then your husband and you “make up,” will your girlfriends think that you’re “crazy” to be with such an “awful” person as him? Interestingly, there was once a psychological study that showed that even once someone had been shown that their position is incorrect, they will dig in their heels and support it well beyond when they should “logically” give it up – because no one wants to be “wrong” or “embarrassed.” Be thankful for it – and move on. Better yet – don’t come from a place of misery and looking for sympathy. I have a whole Chapter in my book on that, too.
“When flowing water meets with obstacles on its path, a blockage in its journey, it pauses. It increases in volume and strength, filling up in front of the obstacle and eventually spilling past it….” — I Ching.
So, what are you going to be thankful for today? It doesn’t have to be a big thing. It can be a beautiful sunset, the smile of someone passing you in the Mall, or the opportunity that you are being handed to pick yourself up one more time, to the astonishment of your adversaries.
Let us rise up and be thankful, for if we didn’t learn a lot today, at least we learned a little, and if we didn’t learn a little, at least we didn’t get sick, and if we got sick, at least we didn’t die; so, let us all be thankful. — Buddha
And don’t forget to live in the Present – be aware of the abundance in this current moment. Take stock of your feelings – and see if you can move them up to a higher vibrational level. If you’re completely Overwhelmed right now, you’re not going to move up to Joy in one leap. Wait one second, and instead of plowing forward and Doing, work on your Feelings. What’s a higher vibration than Overwhelm? You might move up to….say….Jealousy. Check out Abraham-Hicks Emotional Guidance Scale – and work on getting one or two emotions up the list.
Last but not least – look for the opportunity to give thanks…look for a hint that your prayers have been heard, and give thanks for it. I remember reading in Dan Brown’s book Angels And Demons that “All prayers are answered – sometimes the answer is ‘No’.” So be thankful that you are on the path to your dreams – it just might be a slightly different path than the one you expected. Give up on “expectations” – they just weigh you down anyway – and go for the Gratitude. It works every time.
Whatever it is you are feeling is a perfect reflection of what is in the process of becoming.
— Abraham HicksYou get exactly what you are FEELING.
— Abraham Hicks
I am grateful for you 🙂
There are endless examples of goal-setting strategies. So many, in fact, that they can confuse and overwhelm people.
The easiest way to begin planning your goals is to utilize the S.M.A.R.T.(E.R.) acronym. There are actually a lot of different “meanings” for those letters, but this post will discuss the most-used ones. You might want to take out a piece of paper or open up your tablet computer, so that you can take some notes on how to use this acronym to bring your own desired goal(s) into reality!
What does the acronym stand for?
Specific
Motivational or Measurable
Attainable
Realistic or Relevant
Time-bound
Evaluation
Reward
S.M.A.R.T. goal setting is a powerful way of motivating yourself and others. Using this strategy helps you create a written plan that includes extremely clear objectives.
What is a “Specific” goal?
You’ve only established your goal if it’s crystal clear and can be communicated either verbally or in writing. Don’t set goals that are too fuzzy. If you can’t articulate it to someone else, then it still needs to be refined. For example: Setting a goal of “I will lose weight” is too vague. A specific goal is “I will lose 5 pounds this month.” It is clear and unambiguous; without any “If…Then…” to it. To make goals specific, they must state exactly what is expected, why is it important, who’s involved, where is it going to happen and which attributes are important. A specific goal will usually answer the five “W” questions:
What: What do I want to accomplish?
Why: Specific reasons, purpose or benefits of accomplishing the goal.
Who: Who is involved? And who is not involved?
Where: Identify a location.
Which: Identify requirements and constraints.
What is a “Measurable” Goal?
Goals must be measurable. Many of us want to lose weight as a goal. Again, a goal of “I will lose weight” is ambiguous. Clearer goals could be “I will lose fat and weight at a rate of 2 lbs per month. I will lose 1-2 inches around my waist line in 6 weeks. I will avoid eating sugar, refined carbohydrates and starches for at least 6 weeks.” This is a concrete, measurable goal and it’s easy to gauge if you’ve hit your target.
What you’re looking for here are concrete criteria for measuring progress toward the attainment of the goal. The thought behind this is that if a goal is not measurable, it is not possible to know whether you’re making progress towards it! Measuring progress is supposed to help you stay on track, reach your target dates, and experience the exhilaration of achievement that spurs you on to continued effort required to reach the ultimate goal.
What is an “Achievable” Goal?
Your goal needs to be attainable. Saying you’ll lose 30 pounds in 30 days is unachievable if you want to do it in a healthy way. There’s no metabolic way you can lose only fat in that amount of time. Losing 2 pounds of fat in 30 days, however, is generally a reasonable goal, if you’re overweight (NOTE: In our “diet culture,” I mean this in the strictest sense of BMI >25). Avoid setting yourself up for failure by setting goals that are too far out of reach. You should be striving and reaching for your goal, not plunging off the edge of a cliff.
It’s important to be aware of the contributing factors that will help you reach — or not reach — your expected outcome.
Here are some concepts to consider for losing weight and getting healthy: cleaning all unhealthy food from your cupboards and fridge, enlisting family support, considering your emotional attachments to food, doing more exercise, examining your motivation to exercise, and managing your time so that you do not sabotage your goal because you don’t plan it in your calendar.
Remember: while an attainable goal may stretch you in order to achieve it, the goal is not extreme. That is, the goal is neither out of reach nor below a standard of performance that you can reach for. Too high or too low are both meaningless. When you identify goals that are important to you, you begin to figure out ways you can make them come true. You develop the attitudes, abilities, skills, and financial capacity to reach them. The theory states that an attainable goal may cause goal-setters to identify previously overlooked opportunities to bring themselves closer to the achievement of their goals.
What is a “Realistic” Goal?
Evaluate yourself and how much you have on your plate. A goal might be “Achievable” by someone with no other commitments, but what about you? That’s what “Realistic” means. Do you have the time, skill set, and enthusiasm to change your lifestyle? If you’re in the middle of renovating your house or you’re working full time and raising kids, is the goal that you have set realistic?
Be fair to yourself and set realistic goals within the context of your daily life. Maybe you’re not ready to make the time to change your habits. In order to make a change, you have to make it a priority!
The other way to look at the “R” is “Relevant – What is a “Relevant” Goal?
Basically – a Relevant goal is one that matters. A Bank Manager’s goal to “Make 50 peanut butter and jelly sandwiches by 2:00 p.m.” may be Specific, Measurable, Attainable, and Time-Bound, but lacks Relevance. Many times you will need support to accomplish a goal: resources, a champion voice, someone to knock down obstacles. Goals that are relevant to your boss, your team, your family or your organization will receive that needed support. So it needs to not only be Relevant to you, but also to the people that you need to help you. How can you make your goal “Relevant” to them? Relevant goals (when met and understood) drive everyone forward to accomplish them. A relevant goal means that you can answer Yes to these questions:
Does this seem worthwhile?
Is this the right time?
Does this match your other efforts/needs?
Are you the right person?
What is a “Time-specific” Goal?
Simply, you must create a time frame within which to achieve your goals. It’s amazing how powerful a firm deadline can be. This takes your goal from happening “someday” to happening this month.
Time-specific goals create a sense of urgency and action. Plus, both long- term and short-term goals can be achieved using the same S.M.A.R.T. system.
To really advance your goal-setting strategies, enlist the help of your family and friends. Many people schedule weekly or daily chats to create and fine-tune their goals.
When you create your S.M.A.R.T. goals together, everyone on your team knows what his or her role is in helping you get to where you want to go. The most successful people surround themselves with other successful people. So share your goal-setting plans with your team and work together to achieve success in a given time.
A commitment to a deadline helps you and your support team focus your efforts on completion of the goal on or before the due date. This part of the S.M.A.R.T. goal criteria is intended to prevent goals from being overtaken by the day-to-day crises that invariably arise. A time-bound goal is intended to establish a sense of urgency. A time-bound goal will usually answer the question:
When?
What can I do 6 months from now?
What can I do 6 weeks from now?
What can I do today?
What Is the “E.R.” Part Of A S.M.A.R.T.E.R. Goal?
As you can see from the above list, the “E.R.” portion of S.M.A.R.T.E.R. asks you to “Evaluate” and then to “Reward.” Not only do you need to have a consistent plan to see if you are on track with the other S.M.A.R.T. goal strategies, but it’s often great to have a “Reward” at the end. Perhaps better health is a “Reward” in and of itself, or being able to walk across a stage as a new executive member of a team. But if that doesn’t float your boat, then you need to tie something that matters to you (a “carrot”) to obtain that goal. It might seem “greedy” but if you are motivated by a pair of Christian Laboutin shoes, and you believe that if you obtain this goal, that this is an apt reward – then that’s the reward that you want to attach to this. Often people say that “obtaining the goal is its own reward,” but psychologists have proven that this is not really the case. (Moreover, that the “stick” approach – of the “carrot and the stick” – doesn’t really work, either.) Personally, I have had weight loss and other goals time and again, and after I achieving them, often slip back into my former “ways.” The “Reward” that you give yourself has to be a touchable reminder of where you have gotten; it needs to anchor you there. If you have a weight loss goal, for example, your “Reward” could be an outrageously expensive pair of jeans in your new size. This will “anchor” you to stay at that weight – because you want to stay in those jeans!
Goal setting should be an integral part of your lifestyle. It is the first step in achieving success: it establishes the road map for your journey. S.M.A.R.T.E.R. strategies allow you to effortlessly follow a plan and will help guide you to a successful destination – and Reward!
Today in a networking meeting, a fellow member turned to me when something that is considered “taboo” in our networking group was raised (“hustling” someone for business) and “kidded” me about doing it.
It surprised and hurt me.
Though I am an MLM professional, this networking group, BNI, does not allow you to talk about the opportunity portion of your business during the meeting. I am assiduous about following this rule. The subject came up, because the group is considering another network marketing professional from a company that is a lot more aggressive about going after people about the opportunity – and they noted that this is Not Okay during our infomercials.
I “stewed” on what had been said for the rest of the meeting. Oh sure. I know that he was “only kidding.” I knew that if I said something, that he would be “upset” that I “can’t take a joke.” But as my father drilled into me as a kid, anything you joke about always has a kernel of truth in it. For this reason, sarcasm, or joking like that which was done to me today, were taboo in our household. My father always said that what you joke about is what you’re thinking about it, and it’s often better left in your head.
I thought about sending the guy an email, but realized that it’s just never good to put in writing something you need to say in person. So I buttonholed him afterwards, and he did react as I’d expected. But I’m glad I talked about it, even though I’m fairly sure that it didn’t make an impression. Except perhaps for him to share to 50 of my business acquaintances that “Gee, she can’t take a joke.” I hope this won’t happen, but I fear it might.
There is a great article from Psychology Today that goes into this in more detail, and I think it’s really worth a read. I’m linking it HERE. It is about ten common passive-aggressive phrases. In case you don’t have time to read the whole article (which I would strongly recommend), here are those phrases. Take a look – and think before using.
1. “I’m not mad.”
2. “Fine” or “Whatever.”
3. “I’m coming”
4. “I didn’t know you meant Now.”
5. “You just want everything to be perfect.”
6. “I thought you knew.”
7. “Sure, I’d be happy to.”
8. “You’ve done so well for someone with your {education level}” (fill in the {…}) – eg the backhanded compliment (“Hey some men love heavy women”)
9. “I was only joking.” (followed up by “I thought you could take a joke”)
10. “Why are you getting so upset?”
Sound familiar at all? Take a look at the Psychology Today article. And as my dad said – remember, sometimes some things are better left inside your head.
I’m reading a great book by one of my idols, Colin Powell (are you allowed to call a four-star general and former Secretary of State an “idol”?)
He talks about “slipping away” from his posh office and bodyguards, and going down to the parking garage when he was Secretary of State. The workers were all mainly immigrants, minorities, and of course all working for minimum wage. Apparently they thought he was lost (they’d never seen someone of his rank just walking around down there before!) and tried to “help him get back home.” He said instead that he wanted to talk to them.
They chatted, and then ultimately he got around to a question that had been puzzling him. The garage was too small for all the folks who parked there, so the attendants had to stack the cars three deep. He asked, “When cars come in each morning, how to do you decide which car is the first to get out, which is the second, and which is the last?”
Apparently the attendants knowingly smiled, saying: “Mr. Secretary, it goes like this: When you drive in, if you lower the window, look out, smile, or know our name, you’re number one to get out. But if you look straight ahead, don’t show you see us or that we are doing something for you, well, you are likely to be one of the last ones to get out.”
Powell shared this with his senior leaders at his next staff meeting. He said:
“You can never err by treating everyone with respect, thoughtfulness, and a kind word.”
As he wrote, “It ain’t brain surgery.” Every person has value and wants that value to be recognized. Everyone needs appreciation and reinforcement.
As he also wrote, however, “being kind doesn’t mean being soft.”
His example? “When young soldiers go to basic training, they meet their drill sergeant, who seems to be their worst nightmare. They are terrified. But all that changes. The sergeant is with them every step of the way, teaching, cajoling, enforcing, bringing out the strength and confidence they didn’t know they had. When they graduate, they leave with an emotional bond they will never forget. Ask any veteran the name of his drill sergeant and he will know it. (My ROTC camp drill sergeant almost 55 years ago was Staff Sgt. Artis Westberry.)
As outlined by General Powell, if you develop a reputation for kindness, things will go down easier for you. If you have to make an unpleasant decision, people will realize that it must be necessary and not arbitrary; it was made really taking everything (and everyone) into account.
I remember a very scary time, when my husband had a terrible car accident. We’d traded cars – he needed my then-car, a small Toyota pickup, to haul something-or-another. I was in his then-car, a Volvo, going down the 4-lane highway in a slight misty rain, and in my rear-view mirror, I saw a car do a 360 and then a 180 on the slick pavement, hitting all sides of the cement barricade that was between our side and the oncoming traffic. I remember thinking “Oh my word, that was awful” as I could see the smoke coming up from the car far behind me.
Then my telephone rang. It was my husband, he said “I’ve just had an accident, and I think I’m going unconscious.” Yes, it was him – in moving from the Volvo to the Toyota, he’d forgotten that my car didn’t have anti-lock brakes and on the slick pavement and in the traffic he’d locked up the brakes and spun the car. (Unbelievably, he didn’t hit anyone – only the cement barricade, over and over on all sides of the truck.)
I of course went into “full Marine mode,” pulling over, calling the Highway Patrol, circling back, the whole bit. In a crisis, you definitely want me. I get very cold, swift, and decisive. (Then again I climbed on a table – yes really – and shrieked like a little girl when I was surprised by a nest of mice in our gift wrap box, so you never know.)
Anyway – that’s not the important part of this story. The important part is when we got to the hospital, they said it was going to be hours before they could see him – MRI, CAT scan, all that jazz. The doctor made sure that he was “monitored” (by me) that he wouldn’t lapse into unconsciousness, but otherwise he had to “wait in line.”
Then – I heard my Dad’s voice. I couldn’t believe it – poked my head out, and there was my Dad, in golf clothes, talking to some of the Emergency Room nurses. He was, of course, as surprised to see me as I was him – turns out one of his patients had been brought to the Emergency Room in an ambulance, and when he’d gotten a call about it he quit his golf came and came over to be sure she was okay. He knew all the nurses by name, and sort of teased them, and introduced me around as his daughter who “was a lawyer, but don’t hold that against her.”
My husband and I do not share a last name. After they uncovered that he was “Doctor Shepard’s daughter’s husband” – though of course neither of us said anything about having to wait to my Dad – “suddenly” the lines opened up. We were through all the tests before the hour was up (and my husband was banged up, but fine, if you were wondering).
A few of the nurses came to talk to me, when my husband was having his tests done. They said that my Dad always had a kind word for them, always tried to remember their names, and even remembered small things about them, such as whether they had kids or not or where they had been before our hospital. They said that when it had “spread around” that “Dr. Shepard’s daughter’s husband” was in, everyone, from the orderlies to the folks running the machines agreed 100% that “waiting would be unnecessary” for my husband. When I mentioned this to my Dad, he (characteristically) said “Oh, I’m sure it wasn’t to do with me – you must be mistaken – I bet that something just opened up.”
We all know that’s just not how it works – and so what are you going to do, today, to change the day for someone? Smile into the eyes of the barrista who gives you your coffee? Thank them by name? (They all wear name tags, you know, or did you not notice?) I have a whole story – the “smiling into their eyes” Mall story – in my first book Fempowerment: A Guide To Unleashing Your Inner Bond Girl. I even have an exercise in the Companion Playbook! Yes, it’s that important.
Remember: To the world, you may be one person, but to one person, you may be the world. And you don’t know WHEN, WHERE, or HOW that will happen – but if you are kind, it will happen when you don’t even know it.
Too many people like to talk about their FEATURES when they address their clients. The thing is, you need to be empowered by – and tout – your BENEFITS. This is your value to your clients – and what they really want. That’s what makes you Unique. You might be tempted to tell a potential client about your training, about your product and the fantastic ingredients, about your advanced degrees…but is that what will lead them to Know, Like, and Trust you … and, of course, choose you to be their purveyor of whatever it is that you are “purveying” over other competitors?
Specifically, over all your competitors, what do you offer your clients:
*Financially?
*Emotionally?
*Physically?
*Spiritually?
What does this look like? If you’re providing Organizational Services, you could say that you offer a clean closet in 20 minutes. Or, you could say that your clients will be able to breathe better (physically) because they aren’t surrounded by their clutter any more, that you will help them emotionally disattach from old energies…you get the pictures. Speak to what they REALLY get – and it’s not about that clean closet, ESPECIALLY if you want to charge $200 an hour for it!
I went to a great talk by Chris King, The MarketingAlchemist.com, this evening on this subject. He’s really entertaining – you should check out his videos. (Though he does marketing for health care professionals, what he has to say is applicable to anyone.) How would you answer those questions? Do you only “think” that your clients get one or two of those 4 benefits? For example, if you’re a financial advisor, perhaps you can easily name the Financial benefits they would receive from you, and even Emotional (peace of mind), but what about the Physical benefits to them? Spiritual?
In the Financial Advisor case, Physically, it’s quite possible that your clients are carrying a lot of stress in their bodies due to their Financial issues. Stress has actual Physical manifestations. And Spiritually, you can give them a better Quality of Life – and time to pay attention to their Life Purpose rather than their Money.
Make sense?
Same could go for your clients or customers. If you’re an employee, by the way, your “customer” is likely your boss (not the customers of the company that you work for – because though you indirectly serve them, you really are doing your job “for” your boss). If you are self-employed or have a business, then it’s the people you directly serve.
Remember, you must be clear on who you want to serve to know whose language you need to speak. You need to know what you provide to them (the BENEFITS, not the FEATURES), and who they are (their LANGUAGE, not yours). What makes them comfortable?
