Start 2013 fast, focused and fired up!!!

Posted on by Sandy

Consider the implication of this idea…

What would happen if I were to follow you with a camera crew 24 hours a day 7 days a week for the first 100 days of 2013 while you went for your goals?

I bet 3 things would happen….

1) You would START doing the things you say you need to do.

2) You would STOP doing the things you know you shouldn’t be doing.

3) You would MAKE monumental performance gains and have the best year of your life.

How this possible?

Through the power of accountability!

Accountability serves to protect your character, as well as your credibility, and more importantly, it helps you to accomplish all of your goals.

THE #1 thing that stops people from accomplishing their goals is their lack of accountability.

Without accountability, you’re highly vulnerable, easily distracted, and if not corrected, you’ll quickly become competitive toast.

So, how can someone that wants accountability get it, without paying thousands and thousands of dollars for a coach?

Good question. Here is your answer:

Gary Ryan Blair, otherwise know as “The Goals Guy” has put together what I believe to be the most comprehensive form of accountability, goal setting and performance enhancement, that I have ever seen.

Why do I say that? Because I paid to be part of it, myself! Then I thought (after the first few days) that it’s really too good not so share.

It’s called the 100 Day Challenge, and when you check out the following link, you’ll you’ll learn how to create mind-blowing  results in 2013.

http://www.goalsguy.com/Affiliate/tgg.php?id=1036507

I’ve seen it, and it’s an amazing piece of work. Best of all, as I said, I’m buying it, and I’m doing it! (I’m on Day 6.) But you don’t have to take my word for it, check it out for yourself here:

http://www.goalsguy.com/Affiliate/tgg.php?id=1036507

Are you ready to start 2013 fast, focused and fired up!?!

Then check it out!

Isn’t it your turn…??

Ready…Fire…Aim!

Posted on by Sandy

Yeah, I meant that. How many of us live our lives like this?

You get prepared to do something. Ready.

Then you Fire – and your shot goes way off target.

And so then you Aim, and get a little closer, Fire! Still off. You Aim again…Fire!

Why do we work this way, instead of Ready, Aim, Fire?

Because getting Ready is action. And Firing is action. And Aiming involves thinking, meditating, planning, being calm, breathing (read: inaction). But it’s the crucial step.

So when you’re looking at your dreams, get yourself ready, BUT before you Fire (quitting your job, for example) – Aim.

Take a look at where you want to be, get a bead on it, think about it, plan, breathe, be calm, check the wind, check the weather. Be a sniper. Knock down that Dream the first time. You do not want to take an unaimed pot-shot at it, which is going to make it jump up and run farther away like a little bunny, and alert everyone else around you who might want to do a little sabotage!

– From Fempowerment: A Guide To Unleashing Your Inner Bond Girl, by Sandy Shepard

Manta Ray Ballet: Snorkeling with manta rays in Kona, Hawaii

Posted on by Sandy

I’m not going to say much – I’m going to let this video speak for itself.

Suffice it to say, though, that this is not a “professional” video – it was taken with a Samsung handheld underwater camera from the surface of the water by lil’ ole me.

Thank you…

*to Sunlight On Water for leading the manta ray snorkeling dive. They told me you were the best – that’s an understatement.

*to my “West Bengal Tiger” Prashant Saha (prashant.kol01@gmail.com) for the AMAZING editing (45 minutes down to this!).

Also thank you to . . .

*Samsung for their W200 HD PocketCam underwater camera.

*The following musicians, who graciously offered their work for free download:

GlowWorm – a 2-man outfit from Portland, Oregon

Yuki Murata – from Japan

Cold Womb Descent – two astronomers influenced by observing astral creations and clouds of cosmic dust.

Oh – and of course – to “The Great Is” for the manta rays.

 

I’m Thankful For…Things Going Wrong?

Posted on by Sandy

Wow, what a great photo, right? It’s one of the bars at The Standard Hotel, New York. H and I had the most amazing evening here. But it almost didn’t happen.

We had tickets to do an evening dinner sail around New York – spent a pretty penny for it, too. But we mis-timed getting to the dock…and did see the boat… just as it turned to sail into the beautiful sunset.

I was beside myself. After (mumble mumble) years of marriage, you’d think I would know that my husband is terrible at keeping to a timetable. He’s the standard Absent-Minded Professor type – and if you’ve married one sister, you know what I’m talking about. You also know that you can’t get mad at him if time-related things go sideways . . . because let’s face it, the time-space continuum just don’t work the same way for him as it does for you. (Okay, I know that perhaps you want to blame him when thing go sideways – or you want him to “be different” – but that’s not how it works. **Shameless Plug Alert*** You might want to pick up my book Fempowerment: A Guide To Unleashing Your Inner Bond Girl on Amazon.com if you need a little refresher in this area).

So back to us, dressed up, watching the boat sail bye-bye. I was “stomping my feet with little tears in my eyes” mad – because not only did I want to go, but also it had cost a lot and – hey – who has enough bucks to basically throw them into the Hudson and watch them as they swirl slowly to the murky depths?

When things go wrong – don’t go with them. Elvis Presley

My husband was a lot more philosophical about it. (Probably because I was suitably upset for the two of us.) He reminded me that we’d wanted to check out the High Line – an old elevated train line from the ’30s that had been turned into a park on the West Side. He pulled out his trusty iPhone, figuring it must be close, because we were on the West Side. Sure enough – there was an entrance stairway a couple blocks away.

So there we were, up on the High Line in our evening-going-yachting outfits, walking along, taking in a very cool park that has been turned through labors of love into an amazing public park. (If you haven’t ever seen or been there – check out the website.)

Part of the line actually goes through buildings – the original High Line was built to get freight trains off of Manhattan’s busy West Side streets (Meatpacking District, etc.). We figured that some of these had originally been freight way stations. When walking through one of the buildings, we looked up – and saw the bar that you can see in the first photo above – but it was far, far up on the very top floor.

We were intrigued.

We got down off the High Line, trying to figure out how to get into the building. All the windows were uniform, so we figured it was either a condo complex (with a great meeting room up top) or a hotel. The Standard isn’t big on outside advertising…in fact, the front door is blocked by a huge sculpture of a black and white cartoon-ish clown with his hands over his eyes.

When things go wrong, you’ll find they usually go on getting worse for some time; but when things once start going right they often go on getting better and better. – C.S. Lewis

There is a whole story about getting into the bar – the very VERY cool elevators (as you go up, an animated “scene” a la Alice In Wonderland changes slowly as if you were in a hot air balloon rising over it) – the “secret” roof  bar – and watching the sun set over New Jersey. I’ll tell you all about it some time.

But this is the key.

The key is that without making the mistake – missing the boat, literally – we would not have gone to The Standard. And now I’ve recommended it to a few friends, and each and every one of them has said it was the highlight of their trip to Manhattan – as it was for us.

Because we missed the boat.

I remember going to a Suze Orman seminar once, where Suze said that anything bad that happens has an equal and opposite good thing that happens because of it. This was about 20 years ago and she was mainly talking about money (being Suze Orman), but I remember it to this day. She also said that if you’re in the “thick” of the bad thing happening, you will never be able to believe the truth of that statement – but if you find something bad – REALLY bad – at least three years in your past, you will be able to see that it actually led to something far greater and better happening.

Things don’t go wrong and break your heart so you can become bitter and give up. They happen to break you down and build you up so you can be all that you were intended to be. – Samuel Johnson

When I was at that seminar, I remember thinking that there was no way that this was true with respect to what I considered the “low part” of my life. Back in the early ’90s, I discovered that my long-term, live-in boyfriend had not only run up one of the credit cards I had as a “reserve” with a big limit (I of course thought the balance was zero – he had run it up and was paying the minimums, and would get the mail out of the mailbox before I saw it), but I also unexpectedly found out that he had been having affairs for years. Then when I tried to kick him out, he refused to go, and ultimately got us both kicked out  – ruining my credit and throwing me back to living with my folks for a year.

I had found out the credit thing because things were rocky with him and I’d put a down payment on my own place, figuring I would have the ability to just melt away once I had my own digs – and the credit report showed this enormous $30k debt I knew nothing about, which meant it was impossible for me to secure a mortgage. After a little digging, it all came’a tumblin’ down.

So I was sitting there in that Suze Orman seminar, thinking “No way did anything good come of that.” But it had been over three years . . . and I started thinking.

Blogging about the experience (yes, I was blogging in the early ’90s) got the attention of a publisher – who wound up turning my blog into a book (as referenced above. Did I say shameless plug?) The house I was going to buy turned out to be a Money Pit – and I found one that was a lot better. And…relationships being what they are…had I not found this out, I might still be trying to “work it out’ with totally the wrong guy – instead of happily married to my Mr. Difficult But Definitely Mr. Right absent-minded professor.

So what’s the point?

I think that often we shake our fists and curse and stomp around when things go wrong. Or there is the ever useful habit of blaming the “circumstances” on something else – our spouse, the weather, the economy, the traffic, … whatever. If you’re doing that, Look. You need to pull on your big girl panties and realize that whatever is in your Life is there because you got it there. Do you remember high school geometry? How the tiniest little deviation in a “vector” away from a straight line can, after enough time, become a whopping huge deviance from the original path? Is that what’s happened? Trace it back – somehow, somewhere, even something as innocuous as missing a train (seen Sliding Doors?) might have put you where you are today.

But even once you realize that, as hard as it may seem, it’s time to give Thanks for it – and move on. Because there is an incredible energetic resonance from Gratitude. I once read that the one thing that everyone wants to be is to Be Seen. When you give Gratitude in a trying time, you open up the way for the good that “will come” from that bad (or “lesson”) to flow to you.

Sound new-agey? Not so. This is actually part of what quantum physics is about. It’s a very odd world, quantum physics. It’s being proven every day that the “higher the vibrational frequency” of an emotion (appreciation/thankfulness/gratitude being very high on the list), the more of it you attract to you when you concentrate on it.

So how to celebrate that gratitude? Another SHAMELESS PLUG alert – I’m sponsoring a 30 Day Gratitude Challenge – you can go to TakeItTeachIt.com and check it out, or contact me and I will give you the details. If you’re in the middle of a “bad time” just doing this Challenge daily won’t change your Life…until about Day 14. (smile)

Will concentrating on Gratitude turn problems into gifts, failures into successes, the unexpected into perfect timing? Actually, yes, if you give it enough time.

Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today and creates a vision for tomorrow. — Melodie Beattie

Being grateful for what you have, you generally get more of the same. Though this might sound like I am touting the PollyAnna Principle, you can see it very quickly in dealing with, for example, dogs or young children. If your child or pet does something right, you say Thank You, act delighted, and otherwise show them that you See Them and you Appreciate Them (you do, don’t you?). They will make note of how they made you feel towards them. And they will have the intention of doing the same again, to bring about that same feeling.

Similarly, if you do not show gratitude – then that person will not feel Seen. You do not “incentivize” them to act that way around you again.

Sure. You “mean” to do this, but you don’t have time, or hey, what about your life and them seeing you and all you do for them? Believe it or not – if you “go first” and start practicing this, it will absolutely come back to you, as the Scriptures say, tenfold. And you do have a Choice, you know. You can come from a place of misery, or from a place of positivity. Perhaps this is the question to ask – Would you want to be around you?

Be thankful for the challenges and obstacles. Even if you can’t feel positive about them in the thick of things, remember that these are learning opportunities, and do your best not to wallow in self-pity. Because things will change. And when it does change, are you going to be stuck with people remembering how you reacted “last time”? If you are blaming everything on your husband, for example, and then your husband and you “make up,” will your girlfriends think that you’re “crazy” to be with such an “awful” person as him? Interestingly, there was once a psychological study that showed that even once someone had been shown that their position is incorrect, they will dig in their heels and support it well beyond when they should “logically” give it up – because no one wants to be “wrong” or “embarrassed.” Be thankful for it – and move on. Better yet – don’t come from a place of misery and looking for sympathy. I have a whole Chapter in my book on that, too.

“When flowing water meets with obstacles on its path, a blockage in its journey, it pauses. It increases in volume and strength, filling up in front of the obstacle and eventually spilling past it….” — I Ching.

So, what are you going to be thankful for today? It doesn’t have to be a big thing. It can be a beautiful sunset, the smile of someone passing you in the Mall, or the opportunity that you are being handed to pick yourself up one more time, to the astonishment of your adversaries.

Let us rise up and be thankful, for if we didn’t learn a lot today, at least we learned a little, and if we didn’t learn a little, at least we didn’t get sick, and if we got sick, at least we didn’t die; so, let us all be thankful. — Buddha

And don’t forget to live in the Present – be aware of the abundance in this current moment. Take stock of your feelings – and see if you can move them up to a higher vibrational level. If you’re completely Overwhelmed right now, you’re not going to move up to Joy in one leap. Wait one second, and instead of plowing forward and Doing, work on your Feelings. What’s a higher vibration than Overwhelm? You might move up to….say….Jealousy. Check out Abraham-Hicks Emotional Guidance Scale  – and work on getting one or two emotions up the list.

Last but not least – look for the opportunity to give thanks…look for a hint that your prayers have been heard, and give thanks for it. I remember reading in Dan Brown’s book Angels And Demons that “All prayers are answered – sometimes the answer is ‘No’.” So be thankful that you are on the path to your dreams – it just might be a slightly different path than the one you expected. Give up on “expectations” – they just weigh you down anyway – and go for the Gratitude. It works every time.

Whatever it is you are feeling is a perfect reflection of what is in the process of becoming.
— Abraham Hicks

You get exactly what you are FEELING.
— Abraham Hicks

I am grateful for you 🙂

 

Setting S.M.A.R.T. Goals

Posted on by Sandy

There are endless examples of goal-setting strategies. So many, in fact, that they can confuse and overwhelm people.

The easiest way to begin planning your goals is to utilize the S.M.A.R.T.(E.R.) acronym. There are actually a lot of different “meanings” for those letters, but this post will discuss the most-used ones. You might want to take out a piece of paper or open up your tablet computer, so that you can take some notes on how to use this acronym to bring your own desired goal(s) into reality!

What does the acronym stand for?

Specific
Motivational or Measurable 
Attainable 
Realistic or Relevant
Time-bound
Evaluation
Reward

S.M.A.R.T. goal setting is a powerful way of motivating yourself and others. Using this strategy helps you create a written plan that includes extremely clear objectives.

What is a “Specific” goal?

You’ve only established your goal if it’s crystal clear and can be communicated either verbally or in writing. Don’t set goals that are too fuzzy. If you can’t articulate it to someone else, then it still needs to be refined. For example: Setting a goal of “I will lose weight” is too vague. A specific goal is “I will lose 5 pounds this month.” It is clear and unambiguous; without any “If…Then…” to it. To make goals specific, they must state exactly what is expected, why is it important, who’s involved, where is it going to happen and which attributes are important. A specific goal will usually answer the five “W” questions:

What: What do I want to accomplish?
Why: Specific reasons, purpose or benefits of accomplishing the goal.
Who: Who is involved? And who is not involved?
Where: Identify a location.
Which: Identify requirements and constraints.

What is a “Measurable” Goal?
Goals must be measurable. Many of us want to lose weight as a goal. Again, a goal of “I will lose weight” is ambiguous. Clearer goals could be “I will lose fat and weight at a rate of 2 lbs per month. I will lose 1-2 inches around my waist line in 6 weeks. I will avoid eating sugar, refined carbohydrates and starches for at least 6 weeks.” This is a concrete, measurable goal and it’s easy to gauge if you’ve hit your target.

What you’re looking for here are concrete criteria for measuring progress toward the attainment of the goal. The thought behind this is that if a goal is not measurable, it is not possible to know whether you’re making progress towards it! Measuring progress is supposed to help you stay on track, reach your target dates, and experience the exhilaration of achievement that spurs you on to continued effort required to reach the ultimate goal.

What is an “Achievable” Goal?
Your goal needs to be attainable. Saying you’ll lose 30 pounds in 30 days is unachievable if you want to do it in a healthy way. There’s no metabolic way you can lose only fat in that amount of time. Losing 2 pounds of fat in 30 days, however, is generally a reasonable goal, if you’re overweight (NOTE: In our “diet culture,” I mean this in the strictest sense of BMI >25). Avoid setting yourself up for failure by setting goals that are too far out of reach. You should be striving and reaching for your goal, not plunging off the edge of a cliff.

It’s important to be aware of the contributing factors that will help you reach — or not reach — your expected outcome.

Here are some concepts to consider for losing weight and getting healthy: cleaning all unhealthy food from your cupboards and fridge, enlisting family support, considering your emotional attachments to food, doing more exercise, examining your motivation to exercise, and managing your time so that you do not sabotage your goal because you don’t plan it in your calendar.

Remember: while an attainable goal may stretch you in order to achieve it, the goal is not extreme. That is, the goal is neither out of reach nor below a standard of performance that you can reach for. Too high or too low are both meaningless. When you identify goals that are important to you, you begin to figure out ways you can make them come true. You develop the attitudes, abilities, skills, and financial capacity to reach them. The theory states that an attainable goal may cause goal-setters to identify previously overlooked opportunities to bring themselves closer to the achievement of their goals.

What is a “Realistic” Goal?
Evaluate yourself and how much you have on your plate. A goal might be “Achievable” by someone with no other commitments, but what about you? That’s what “Realistic” means. Do you have the time, skill set, and enthusiasm to change your lifestyle? If you’re in the middle of renovating your house or you’re working full time and raising kids, is the goal that you have set realistic?
Be fair to yourself and set realistic goals within the context of your daily life. Maybe you’re not ready to make the time to change your habits. In order to make a change, you have to make it a priority!

The other way to look at the “R” is “Relevant – What is a “Relevant” Goal?

Basically – a Relevant goal is one that matters. A Bank Manager’s goal to “Make 50 peanut butter and jelly sandwiches by 2:00 p.m.” may be Specific, Measurable, Attainable, and Time-Bound, but lacks Relevance. Many times you will need support to accomplish a goal: resources, a champion voice, someone to knock down obstacles. Goals that are relevant to your boss, your team, your family or your organization will receive that needed support. So it needs to not only be Relevant to you, but also to the people that you need to help you. How can you make your goal “Relevant” to them? Relevant goals (when met and understood) drive everyone forward to accomplish them. A relevant goal means that you can answer Yes to these questions:
Does this seem worthwhile?
Is this the right time?
Does this match your other efforts/needs?
Are you the right person?

What is a “Time-specific” Goal?
Simply, you must create a time frame within which to achieve your goals. It’s amazing how powerful a firm deadline can be. This takes your goal from happening “someday” to happening this month.

Time-specific goals create a sense of urgency and action. Plus, both long- term and short-term goals can be achieved using the same S.M.A.R.T. system.
To really advance your goal-setting strategies, enlist the help of your family and friends. Many people schedule weekly or daily chats to create and fine-tune their goals.

When you create your S.M.A.R.T. goals together, everyone on your team knows what his or her role is in helping you get to where you want to go. The most successful people surround themselves with other successful people. So share your goal-setting plans with your team and work together to achieve success in a given time.

A commitment to a deadline helps you and your support team focus your efforts on completion of the goal on or before the due date. This part of the S.M.A.R.T. goal criteria is intended to prevent goals from being overtaken by the day-to-day crises that invariably arise. A time-bound goal is intended to establish a sense of urgency. A time-bound goal will usually answer the question:
When?
What can I do 6 months from now?
What can I do 6 weeks from now?
What can I do today?

What Is the “E.R.” Part Of A S.M.A.R.T.E.R. Goal?

As you can see from the above list, the “E.R.” portion of S.M.A.R.T.E.R. asks you to “Evaluate” and then to “Reward.” Not only do you need to have a consistent plan to see if you are on track with the other S.M.A.R.T. goal strategies, but it’s often great to have a “Reward” at the end. Perhaps better health is a “Reward” in and of itself, or being able to walk across a stage as a new executive member of a team. But if that doesn’t float your boat, then you need to tie something that matters to you (a “carrot”) to obtain that goal. It might seem “greedy” but if you are motivated by a pair of Christian Laboutin shoes, and you believe that if you obtain this goal, that this is an apt reward – then that’s the reward that you want to attach to this. Often people say that “obtaining the goal is its own reward,” but psychologists have proven that this is not really the case. (Moreover, that the “stick” approach – of the “carrot and the stick” – doesn’t really work, either.) Personally, I have had weight loss and other goals time and again, and after I achieving them, often slip back into my former “ways.”  The “Reward” that you give yourself has to be a touchable reminder of where you have gotten; it needs to anchor you there. If you have a weight loss goal, for example, your “Reward” could be an outrageously expensive pair of jeans in your new size. This will “anchor” you to stay at that weight – because you want to stay in those jeans!

Goal setting should be an integral part of your lifestyle. It is the first step in achieving success: it establishes the road map for your journey. S.M.A.R.T.E.R. strategies allow you to effortlessly follow a plan and will help guide you to a successful destination – and Reward!

“I thought you could take a joke” – passive aggressive behavior

Posted on by Sandy

Today in a networking meeting, a fellow member turned to me when something that is considered “taboo” in our networking group was raised (“hustling” someone for business) and “kidded” me about doing it.

It surprised and hurt me.

Though I am an MLM professional, this networking group, BNI, does not allow you to talk about the opportunity portion of your business during the meeting. I am assiduous about following this rule. The subject came up, because the group is considering another network marketing professional from a company that is a lot more aggressive about going after people about the opportunity – and they noted that this is Not Okay during our infomercials.

I “stewed” on what had been said for the rest of the meeting. Oh sure. I know that he was “only kidding.” I knew that if I said something, that he would be “upset” that I “can’t take a joke.” But as my father drilled into me as a kid, anything you joke about always has a kernel of truth in it. For this reason, sarcasm, or joking like that which was done to me today, were taboo in our household. My father always said that what you joke about is what you’re thinking about it, and it’s often better left in your head.

I thought about sending the guy an email, but realized that it’s just never good to put in writing something you need to say in person. So I buttonholed him afterwards, and he did react as I’d expected. But I’m glad I talked about it, even though I’m fairly sure that it didn’t make an impression. Except perhaps for him to share to 50 of my business acquaintances that “Gee, she can’t take a joke.” I hope this won’t happen, but I fear it might.

There is a great article from Psychology Today that goes into this in more detail, and I think it’s really worth a read. I’m linking it HERE. It is about ten common passive-aggressive phrases. In case you don’t have time to read the whole article (which I would strongly recommend), here are those phrases. Take a look – and think before using.

1.  “I’m not mad.”
2. “Fine” or “Whatever.”
3. “I’m coming”
4. “I didn’t know you meant Now.”
5. “You just want everything to be perfect.”
6. “I thought you knew.”
7. “Sure, I’d be happy to.”
8. “You’ve done so well for someone with your {education level}” (fill in the {…}) – eg the backhanded compliment (“Hey some men love heavy women”)
9. “I was only joking.” (followed up by “I thought you could take a joke”)
10. “Why are you getting so upset?”

Sound familiar at all? Take a look at the Psychology Today article. And as my dad said – remember, sometimes some things are better left inside your head.

“It Worked For Me” by Colin Powell

Posted on by Sandy

I’m reading a great book by one of my idols, Colin Powell (are you allowed to call a four-star general and former Secretary of State an “idol”?)

He talks about “slipping away” from his posh office and bodyguards, and going down to the parking garage when he was Secretary of State. The workers were all mainly immigrants, minorities, and of course all working for minimum wage. Apparently they thought he was lost (they’d never seen someone of his rank just walking around down there before!) and tried to “help him get back home.” He said instead that he wanted to talk to them.

They chatted, and then ultimately he got around to a question that had been puzzling him. The garage was too small for all the folks who parked there, so the attendants had to stack the cars three deep. He asked, “When cars come in each morning, how to do you decide which car is the first to get out, which is the second, and which is the last?”

Apparently the attendants knowingly smiled, saying: “Mr. Secretary, it goes like this: When you drive in, if you lower the window, look out, smile, or know our name, you’re number one to get out. But if you look straight  ahead, don’t show you see us or that we are doing something for you, well, you are likely to be one of the last ones to get out.”

Powell shared this with his senior leaders at his next staff meeting. He said:

“You can never err by treating everyone with respect, thoughtfulness, and a kind word.”

As he wrote, “It ain’t brain surgery.” Every person has value and wants that value to be recognized. Everyone needs appreciation and reinforcement.

As he also wrote, however, “being kind doesn’t mean being soft.”

His example? “When young soldiers go to basic training, they meet their drill sergeant, who seems to be their worst nightmare. They are terrified. But all that changes. The sergeant is with them every step of the way, teaching, cajoling, enforcing, bringing out the strength and confidence they didn’t know they had. When they graduate, they leave with an emotional bond they will never forget. Ask any veteran the name of his drill sergeant and he will know it. (My ROTC camp drill sergeant almost 55 years ago was Staff Sgt. Artis Westberry.)

As outlined by General Powell, if you develop a reputation for kindness, things will go down easier for you. If you have to make an unpleasant decision, people will realize that it must be necessary and not arbitrary; it was made  really taking everything (and everyone) into account.

I remember a very scary time, when my husband had a terrible car accident. We’d traded cars – he needed my then-car, a small Toyota pickup, to haul something-or-another. I was in his then-car, a Volvo, going down the 4-lane highway in a slight misty rain, and in my rear-view mirror, I saw a car do a 360 and then a 180 on the slick pavement, hitting all sides of the cement barricade that was between our side and the oncoming traffic. I remember thinking “Oh my word, that was awful” as I could see the smoke coming up from the car far behind me.

Then my telephone rang. It was my husband, he said “I’ve just had an accident, and I think I’m going unconscious.” Yes, it was him – in moving from the Volvo to the Toyota, he’d forgotten that my car didn’t have anti-lock brakes and on the slick pavement and in the traffic he’d locked up the brakes and spun the car. (Unbelievably, he didn’t hit anyone – only the cement barricade, over and over on all sides of the truck.)

I of course went into “full Marine mode,” pulling over, calling the Highway Patrol, circling back, the whole bit. In a crisis, you definitely want me. I get very cold, swift, and decisive. (Then again I climbed on a table – yes really – and shrieked like a little girl when I was surprised by a nest of mice in our gift wrap box, so you never know.)

Anyway – that’s not the important part of this story. The important part is when we got to the hospital, they said it was going to be hours before they could see him – MRI, CAT scan, all that jazz. The doctor made sure that he was “monitored” (by me) that he wouldn’t lapse into unconsciousness, but otherwise he had to “wait in line.”

Then – I heard my Dad’s voice. I couldn’t believe it – poked my head out, and there was my Dad, in golf clothes, talking to some of the Emergency Room nurses. He was, of course, as surprised to see me as I was him – turns out one of his patients had been brought to the Emergency Room in an ambulance, and when he’d gotten a call about it he quit his golf came and came over to be sure she was okay. He knew all the nurses by name, and sort of teased them, and introduced me around as his daughter who “was a lawyer, but don’t hold that against her.”

My husband and I do not share a last name. After they uncovered that he was “Doctor Shepard’s daughter’s husband” – though of course neither of us said anything about having to wait to my Dad – “suddenly” the lines opened up. We were through all the tests before the hour was up (and my husband was banged up, but fine, if you were wondering).

A few of the nurses came to talk to me, when my husband was having his tests done. They said that my Dad always had a kind word for them, always tried to remember their names, and even remembered small things about them, such as whether they had kids or not or where they had been before our hospital. They said that when it had “spread around” that “Dr. Shepard’s daughter’s husband” was in, everyone, from the orderlies to the folks running the machines agreed 100% that “waiting would be unnecessary” for my husband. When I mentioned this to my Dad, he (characteristically) said “Oh, I’m sure it wasn’t to do with me – you must be mistaken – I bet that something just opened up.”

We all know that’s just not how it works – and so what are you going to do, today, to change the day for someone? Smile into the eyes of the barrista who gives you your coffee? Thank them by name? (They all wear name tags, you know, or did you not notice?) I have a whole story – the “smiling into their eyes” Mall story – in my first book Fempowerment: A Guide To Unleashing Your Inner Bond Girl. I even have an exercise in the Companion Playbook! Yes, it’s that important.

Remember: To the world, you may be one person, but to one person, you may be the world. And you don’t know WHEN, WHERE, or HOW that will happen – but if you are kind, it will happen when you don’t even know it.

What do you offer your clients?

Posted on by Sandy

Too many people like to talk about their FEATURES when they address their clients. The thing is, you need to be empowered by – and tout – your BENEFITS. This is your value to your clients – and what they really want. That’s what makes you Unique. You might be tempted to tell a potential client about your training, about your product and the fantastic ingredients, about your advanced degrees…but is that what will lead them to Know, Like, and Trust you … and, of course, choose you to be their purveyor of whatever it is that you are “purveying” over other competitors?

Specifically, over all your competitors, what do you offer your clients:

*Financially?
*Emotionally?
*Physically?
*Spiritually?

What does this look like? If you’re providing Organizational Services, you could say that you offer a clean closet in 20 minutes. Or, you could say that your clients will be able to breathe better (physically) because they aren’t surrounded by their clutter any more, that you will help them emotionally disattach from old energies…you get the pictures. Speak to what they REALLY get – and it’s not about that clean closet, ESPECIALLY if you want to charge $200 an hour for it!

I went to a great talk by Chris King, The MarketingAlchemist.com, this evening on this subject. He’s really entertaining – you should check out his videos. (Though he does marketing for health care professionals, what he has to say is applicable to anyone.)  How would you answer those questions? Do you only “think” that your clients get one or two of those 4 benefits? For example, if you’re a financial advisor, perhaps you can easily name the Financial benefits they would receive from you, and even Emotional (peace of mind), but what about the Physical benefits to them? Spiritual?

In the Financial Advisor case, Physically, it’s quite possible that your clients are carrying a lot of stress in their bodies due to their Financial issues. Stress has actual Physical manifestations. And Spiritually, you can give them a better Quality of Life – and time to pay attention to their Life Purpose rather than their Money.

Make sense?

Same could go for your clients or customers. If you’re an employee, by the way, your “customer” is likely your boss (not the customers of the company that you work for – because though you indirectly serve them, you really are doing your job “for” your boss). If you are self-employed or have a business, then it’s the people you directly serve.

Remember, you must be clear on who you want to serve to know whose language you need to speak. You need to know what you provide to them (the BENEFITS, not the FEATURES), and who they are (their LANGUAGE, not yours). What makes them comfortable?

Just Do It!

Posted on by Sandy

As I write the title above, I wonder if that’s still Nike’s branded tagline. It sure fits what I have to say.

I subscribe to a ton of blogs, podcasts, newsfeeds, and the like. Sometimes it’s crazy how much “personal development” I seem to do every day. One that I read over at the “Beach Money” blog  really got to me, and I thought that I’d share some thoughts based on what Jordan Adler said.

I lead a full, lucrative, and fulfilling life. In fact, my husband and I recently returned from 6 first class weeks in Cambodia/Vietnam, then I turned around and did the Lavaman Triathlon in Kona, Hawaii and stayed to give a training seminar there (nothing like Hawaii as a  business expense!), was  back for a couple weeks, then we were off to 10 days in Sedona. And I get asked all the time, “If there was one piece of advice you could give me, what would it be?” There’s really just one thing that you need to do, to transform your Life.

As Jordan said, “Don’t wing it.” Everyone, for everything they do, has some sort of script. In fact, I told a friend the other day (who has to do “sales calls” in his business) that the fact that he was “winging it” during these calls didn’t mean he didn’t have a script – it just meant he had a BAD script – a “winging it” script.

Jordan pointed out that you have to Calendar the things you want to “make real” in your life. When I started doing this, back in the ‘80s, EVERYTHING changed for me. Sure, you have to be flexible – things will get moved out, cancelled, moved around. But if you make an appointment, it’s a commitment. That’s why appointments make things happen. Before you write something down, it’s just a fantasy. That one step brings it forward into reality. And it doesn’t have to be an appointment with someone else – it can be an appointment with yourself, to do a step towards making your Dream into a Goal and then into a Reality.

My husband and I “planned” to hike the length of the French Alps. But until we actually scheduled it, started looking into how to accomplish it, and then laid down the money for the guides, we never went. Of course, we had to schedule it about a year out – that’s a lot of hiking and training! – but without putting it on the calendar, it was just going to always be “some year.”

When I was a legal secretary and then a paralegal, I would tell the partner that I was working for that “some day” I would like to be an attorney. He sat me down in his office one late, late evening after we got our work done, and said to me, “To be a lawyer, you have to go to law school for three years. To go to law school, you have to take the LSATS, and then apply. You have to sign up for a LSAT study course, and an LSAT test, or ‘some day’ will always remain ‘some day.’” That changed my life. Right after I left his office – this was in the “pre-Internet” 80s – I started researching, and signed up for the seminar and the test. The rest, is history.

Another thing he said to me was: “It’ll take about four years to ‘become’ a lawyer. But the four years is going to pass anyway – why not move in that direction now?”

What are you PLANNING to do? What do you WISH you had time for?

What do you keep telling people you will do SOME DAY?

There are a few things that you have to schedule consistently. Your DREAMS, your PERSONAL LIFE, and your BUSINESS LIFE. Yes, really. If you schedule on an online calendar like Google Calendar where you can “color” each item whether it’s moving you towards your DREAMS, funding your EMOTIONAL or PERSONAL bank account, or making you WEALTH (whether it’s a 9-5 job or working your own business), you’ll also be able to see where your Life is “unbalanced.” How? Figure out what “Roles” you lead in your life (friend, mother, businessman, son, coach, goddess!), and give each a color. If your calendar is missing that color in your scheduled activities, then you need to figure out how to re-balance and get it in.

If you don’t CALENDAR it, it will be impossible to see. So you need to calendar your daily ACTIVITIES, and you need to calendar your DREAMS to make them REALITIES. And color each one, to see where your Life might be out of whack, as it relates to your Roles. Example? One of my clients kept complaining about her husband, until I made her do this exercise and she realized that she had absolutely no time in her week when she was “fulfilling her role as a wife.” I go into this more in my first book, Fempowerment, A Guide To Unleashing Your Inner Bond Girl, but fulfilling your role as a wife or a husband does NOT mean either doing laundry or taking out the trash!

So what would Calendaring look like? Here’s an example of scheduling a DREAM TRIP:

1. When (exact date) are you going to take that dream trip?
2. Schedule the date on your calendar.
3. Schedule when you are going to make your air reservations (back it out from the first date).
4. Schedule when you are going to book the package (back it out).
5. What else do you need to do? Get in shape if it’s a hiking trip? Start scheduling hikes, starting “backwards” where you are perhaps spending all day or a weekend hiking, to the present, where you only can get out 20 minutes the day after tomorrow.

And remember – if you are scheduling hikes with your honey, that time will get that color. If you schedule hikes with your honey and your kids, you get two colors. And if you take some “you time” during that hike to really be present and enjoy the fresh air, it could even get three!

Get how it works? Once you put it on the calendar, miracles begin to happen. You will find the resources for things to happen once you commit to it. You can “Reverse Engineer” from that date to the present, and then just follow those steps forward.

I look for opportunities to book phone calls and meetings with my business partners on a regular basis, and I even look specifically for when I am going to do grocery shopping, have “date night” with my husband, and the like – and I PUT THEM ON MY CALENDAR. (One of the reasons why my calendar is so full!) This is a critical behavior for having everything you desire. What sort of “appointments” could you make, to bring your dreams into reality? Here are some examples:

1. Make appointments with people that can help you get your dreams. Can’t think of anyone? Brainstorm over a cup of tea or glass of wine with a trusted friend or partner.
2. Ask yourself “Who do I need to meet to make this happen?” They won’t come into your life unless you know what to look for. An example of this is that the second you purchase a red Prius, there are 50 other red Priuses on the road when the day before, you thought you were unique. You have to focus on something to see it in your reality.
3. Call these people, and get an appointment on the calendar to meet with them.

Dreams will never come true if you just wish for them. A wish is just a puff of smoke until you schedule it. Put it down in writing on your calendar. Scheduling appointments is the most powerful, destiny fulfilling action you can take to achieve all that you are looking for, because nothing happens until it is scheduled.

Here are some feelings you may have before scheduling things:

Fear that you won’t come up with the money.
Fear that they might not be interested or will turn you away or laugh at you.
Fear that you may not know what to say.
Fear that something may get in the way of the commitment.

REALITY CHECK: You will not get the things you want until you schedule them on your calendar. Remember that Fear gets you out of Action, and Action gets you out of Fear.

I was not at all confident that I could complete an Ironman triathlon (2.4 mile swim, 112 mile bike, followed by a marathon, in less than 17 hours). But I’d made myself a commitment years ago I would do it before a certain birthday – and as I saw that number approaching, I thought I’d better get a move on! So I put the date on the calendar – trained for 11 months – and finished it, smiling, happy, and the last woman over the line at 16:58:51 (way to make ABC-Sports!). Once I had signed up with Team in Training to train me (and raise money for their charity!), it went from a “some day” to a reality, because it was booked. Then I just had to ‘back out’ the training from that date, to the then-present (when I couldn’t even run to the corner store).

So, what’s more important? Are you going to let your DREAMS win or are you going to let your FEARS win? Do you want to live your dreams or wallow in your fears for the rest of your life? You have all the power to make things happen. Set the appointment on your calendar.

THE SOLUTION IS RIDICULOUSLY SIMPLE. Put it on your calendar. Schedule the appointment. All your dreams will begin to come true once you start scheduling the basic simple daily activities that move you closer to your dreams. Start using phrases (even if it’s just to yourself!) like:

“Let’s get you on the calendar.”
“I’d like to set up a time for us to talk.”
“When can we set aside 30 minutes to go through this.”
“We need to block out a few minutes to go over some things.”

What I am talking about is a small thing that will yield HUGE results. It’s a minor shift that will change everything for you.

Stop thinking about it and start scheduling it! Put it in writing on your calendar and then follow through on your commitments to yourself.