Fitera – Day Three

hat20 in 30Today at Pelo, I got my hat!

Today, three of us (in this photo, the three of us with the pumpkin-colored hat on) got our “20 workouts in 30 days” Spring Challenge hats. The other gal in the photo is one of the awesome instructors. Georgia.

In this photo, we’d just finished doing Georgia’s “Coachella” ride – her playlist was all bands she’d seen in the desert – hence, our sweaty selves ;-)

I’m such the Swag Hag.

The Spring Challenge was a brilliant “marketing plan” by Alan, the owner of Pelo. It was free to sign up – and if you did 20 workouts in a 30 day period (April 15 through May 15), you got a “20 in 30” hat.

What it really made you do was come more … try out different classes … and consider bumping up your membership.

I hadn’t tried the TRX classes before starting the Spring Challenge. And that’s part of the brilliance of the program . . . it makes you check other things out.

our TRX class
our TRX class

In fact, before the Challenge, I only went to Pelo 2x/week – for their T and Th classes. Otherwise, I was doing Crossfit 3x/week (M, W, F), and then hot yoga T and Th (well, kinda – see yesterday’s post heh heh). The Challenge made me swap things around a bit, adding TRX strength training into the mix. I think now that I’ve “got ze hat,” I will probably go back to just 2 of the bike classes a week – but I think I will keep up the TRX.

TRX is like an “old school” strength training class.

You use straps and your own body weight. Crossfit, on the other hand, is all about “functional fitness.” In other words, in Crossfit you’re not doing “isolations” (e.g., bicep curls), you’re doing a movement that could translate into something in real life (e.g., carrying heavy kettlebells, which could translate into carrying buckets; deadlifting a barbell with good form, which could translate into understanding how to lift something heavy off the floor).

After doing Crossfit for a few years now, I’ve sort of been indoctrinated into a mindset that isolations are “bad,” because they’re not “functional.” But the thing that TRX has taught me is that isolations (when combined with functional fitness) can actually be useful, since you’re working on building your strength and seeing what “pieces” of your functional chain need work. Then, by strengthening them, you can perform functional movements better.

Looking at these photos makes me embarrassed, though.

Man, I weigh so much more than I weigh “in my head”! I think that’s part of my problem. I don’t spend a lot of time in front of the mirror. And I’m usually the one taking the photos. So when I see photos of myself, I think “Who the Heck is that chunky monkey?”

I really got caught short today.

I got to class early today, so I chatted a bit with Alan. He praised me for doing so well in the Challenge, then he told me “how much slimmer” I looked. He made a particular point of saying how much slimmer my face was.

My face, to me, looks like a big round tomato. This isn’t my face! And the fact it had been bigger – at least, in the perception of the owner of the gym – makes my stomach hurt.

this is how I still think of my body - I'm the one in the red
this is how I still think of my body – I’m the one in the red

And my body? I’ve always been bigger “at the bottom than at the top” – but never like this.

this is how my face is supposed to look.
this is how my face (& body) looks like to me in the mirror.

Well, not really “never.” It’s not like this happened overnight. I just haven’t paid attention. Obvs.

It’s been ten years that my weight has been slowly, slowly, ever so slowly creeping up.

The thing that really pushed me over the edge, metabolism-wise (so says my doctor) was doing a ton of endurance stuff over a short period. I did an Ironman, then a couple triathlons… then in a year’s period of time, I did a swim from Alcatraz, 5 marathons, and a triathlon. My doc says that put my stress-related hormones out of whack.

Also during that period, I had to have some “female plumbing” yanked out due to issues, which put me through menopause – and more hormone havoc.

But the photos above are how I have continued to perceive myself. And they just are not how I look any more.

I’ve talked about this in posts before – how I don’t seem to have a lot of “body perception.”

And I think part of the problem is that I have always been pretty slim – “Beanpole” and “Chicken Legs” and “Scarecrow” being “terms of endearment” from my formative years. I didn’t really learn how to control my eating, because I never had to.

IMG_0530Now, I’ve “not paid attention” myself into a body I don’t recognize.

The crazy part is that I don’t feel like I have been “ignoring” the problem. I have had a blind spot. It’s like the opposite of what you hear folks with anorexia do. They look in a mirror and see a fat person, even though they are skin and bones. I look in a mirror and see a slim person.

I honestly can’t believe that the photos that I just posted above are ten years old. That’s a little crazy. Though I’ve tried to steer the train back onto the tracks over the years (see all the previous blog posts!), I haven’t really been all that motivated. Sure, I’ve slowly grown out of the clothes in my closet. But my hubby still tells me how beautiful I am, I can basically get out and do what I want to do, etc.

I need to own the fact that I’m 30-40 pounds overweight – and just stick with the program ’til I’m not.

I need to remind myself that my hubby telling me that I look great doesn’t mean I couldn’t look “greater.” (This is how my mind works… He thinks I look fantastic – so why not keep doing what I’m doing? Pass the mashed potatoes please…)

I need to do this for myself – and keep my “Oh! Shiny Penny!” self fixed on staying with it until the scale is back in range.

Ah-ho.

 

 

 

 

Fitera – Day Two

Winston - bestest dog ever. (He has one eye because he had cancer.) #WhoZaGoodBoy??
Winston – bestest dog ever. (He has one eye because he had cancer.) #WhoZaGoodBoy??

My angel & devil working overtime…

So, yesterday, I went to the Farmer’s Market, did Pelo, got together with a friend I haven’t seen in forever for an hour-long hill hike with my dog, and then I said that I’d convinced my bff Moddie to join me at yoga . . . so I’d be sure to go to yoga.

Nope.

I gave her the choice of coming over and drinking wine on our veranda and catching up and snuggling with the dog, or going to hot yoga.

Young woman doing yoga. . . Devil . . .

I’ve written about her before – we applied to the Amazing Race together (twice – once in video, once in person). She and I have done weight-loss-related challenges before, and so I had her re-do my Before photos for Fitera. Then, I actually had her put on one of my bikinis, and I took her photos and told her to go join Fitera!

Moddie and me at The Amazing Race intake
Moddie and me at The Amazing Race intake

. . .Angel . . .

Fitera also wants you to do a one-or-so minute “Before” video. I took one, but I am going to do what I did for our Amazing Race video – I’m going to cut in some photos of where I want to be, weight wise – photos of myself 10 years ago. It will be motivating for me to go back through those photos, and show that “just a few years ago,” I was where I want to be.

SO, you probably want to see those photos, huh?

If you’ve been following this blog for a while, I hope that you will say – “Hey! You look better than some of the photos that you’ve posted before!” And I’d tend to agree with you. I had some good success with the Haylie Pomroy program. But that was just ten pounds – and there wasn’t any community support, so I totally fell back off the wagon. I have 30 pounds to lose.

Anyway – here they are:

IMG_0530IMG_0532IMG_0533

Fitera – Day One

telly-savalas-greeting-card-19202-pWell, it’s kinda Day One.

When last we left our intrepid heroine, she was trying to decide how to get a newspaper to hold in her photos . . .

Yup, no photos here. Why? Because I had work that I needed to do, starting at 6 a.m., then I didn’t even walk the dog (#WorstMomEver), because – fine, start shaming – I cuddled with the dog and watched Kojak.

(“Who loves ya, baby?”)

Then it was time to make coffee, make breakfast, make Bulletproof coffee for hubby and bring it to him in bed, put laundry in the dryer, then head over to Pelo.

They’re having a (very clever) Challenge, where if you log 20 workouts in 30 days, you get a hat.

Being the Swag Hag that I am, I, of course, jumped on that bandwagon with both feet, going from 2 workouts a week there to 6. (Clever, clever, clever . . . here, take my money, gimme that hat!)

There’s apparently always a Weekly Challenge goin’ on at FITera, too.

trx5This week, it’s basically doing something that you don’t already do, exercise-wise. That’s great – fits in with this 20 workouts in 30 days thing. The thing that I’ve added is TRX workouts. If you don’t know what a “TRX” is, it’s a strap thing invented by a Navy Seal, who wanted something that could fold up into his duffle bag and use his body weight to punish himself – oh I mean work out – while he was on missions.

It looks like a brightly-colored D&S device . . . ;-)

Today I did the TRX workout, then did the Peloton workout after. (HERE is a video of the workout – you can see me – the one laughing – at 1:03.) I was SO TIRED!

Then I had to get my butt back to the office, and I’ve been sitting here working at the computer ever since. The plan was to go to Crossfit at 3:00 with my husband, but I was on a conference call with a potential new client, and still had a bunch of other stuff to do. He put his head in and “mouthed” about going to the workout, and I pointed to him and mouthed “No, you go.” He’s about 30 pounds overweight too (maybe more), and I need him to go even if I do not go.

However, just now, I heard him downstairs.

Sigh.

Sometimes, it’s hard to be the “motivator” in the house for stuff like this.

Right now, I actually need to not only still take a shower from working out this morning (#TooMuchInformation . . . ) but I also have to figure out what to make for dinner. I didn’t go shopping, and I don’t really want to go out. So I’m contemplating asking hubby to go get Take-Out (which we never ever do, because I always, 360 days out of the year, make a balanced, organic, “palm of meat, good starch, veggies” dinner). I don’t think I can face shopping and then coming home and making dinner. I can’t believe I just typed that.

Today I got an email from Coach Pam about Nutrition.

water bottle pyramid at one of the run water stops

I think I mentioned that yesterday’s was about water. It had a great trick – and I just realized that I started the day and drank 2 big 20-ounce water bottles full . . . but I left my bottle downstairs and have been upstairs juggling work-work, trying to answer questions about a rental we have up for lease in Hawaii, faxing documents, answering other questions on a property we’re selling, marketing to potential new clients, etc. for the past seven hours. Crap. #WaterFail . . . This is a big deal, because I know I don’t drink enough water.

The Nutrition email and video were great. It basically reminds you that you can chalk up a “meal” of 1,000 calories in a few minutes, and that would take you like hours of exercise to “balance out.” Not that it’s calories in/calories out – as all us Jonathan Bailor/The Calorie Myth aficionados know – e.g. not all calories are the same – but you gotta “eat right.”

My issue is timing my meals – and preparation. I wind up in a situation like I am right now – I had breakfast, and then a (balanced – e.g., Quest) bar for lunch (yes yes, I know, bars aren’t lunch . . . ), but nothing else. I get working, I forget to eat.

FITera is very much about what you eat, and when. There was a handout that came today with the Nutrition piece about this very subject. Which I printed. And which is lying downstairs, on the printer. And has been. For six hours.

As you can see, though today is “Day One” of FITera, I’m still sort of working into it.

However, tomorrow is Farmer’s Market day, which will be great, because it will allow me to go get a bunch of veggies that I can cut up and put in the fridge – at least I will have that. Tomorrow I also have Pelo again, a walk with a friend I haven’t seen in forever, and then bikram yoga, because I promised another friend I will meet her there. Then she’s coming over to my house after.

I was back into yoga there for a few weeks, but the “20 in 30” thing pushed yoga back off the calendar in favor of TRX, so I asked my friend to meet me there, to have a non-negotiable “must get to yoga” calendar entry.

My life is not very balanced.

If I get a lot of work tomorrow, I’m not sure when I will do it. Sometimes I long for the “ole 9 to 5” – not only did you get paid every week on time (even if sometimes that week you didn’t do much), but you really knew what the boundaries were for work time and non-work time. The “guaranteed $” part being a biiiig thing I miss . . .

But I like the fact that, in and amongst the flurry of emails and calls that were work-related, I got a FITera email. Not only that, I actually know that Coach Pam answers her texts. Even the “owner” of FITera, Chad, comments on the Community Boards.

I already feel less “alone” than in the last program.

That said, it’s probably time for that shower . . .

 

Fitera Day Zero

fitera brandYeah, Yeah, I’m at it again.

I’m not even going to talk about, or link, all the diet “programs” that I’ve tried while keeping this blog.

I will also try not to be embarrassed by myself.

Two posts ago, I discussed “failing” at WAG – Working Against Gravity – the latest “hit” program for weight loss. It’s particularly aimed at very athletic, alpha people. It makes you sign up for three months, at about $130/month (it’s a Canadian company, so that’s “about” what it costs).

dollarI know! Pricey, right?

They promise you lots of things, not the least of which is your own “personal coach.”

I have tried other programs (as those of you who follow this blog know). I actually have had success using a number of them – but I get bored, and unmotivated. I don’t really have a “tribe” that is tied to the program, so no matter how great of success I have (which usually equates to about 10 pounds lost), I slack off and then just stop.

I think I am trying to see if anyone notices. No one does.

Well – my mother does. But she’s been pointing out issues related to my weight (she’s perennially slim and trim) since 6th grade – even though in actuality, I haven’t really had that much of a struggle with my weight (as I pointed out in my last blog post).

So, two days ago, I got one of those email solicitations.

You know the ones – something you signed up for a while back sold you to someone who sold you to someone, who is now trying to sell you something. You get the program “for Free,” but then if you want an actual hard copy . . . or you want it on a DVD . . . or you want personal training . . . or you want a metabolism “kick starter” to get you going “faster” . . . or you want a special place to log your meals/exercise . . . you pay (and pay, and pay).

I have so so many of these programs saved on my computer, they have their own digital file folder.

It’s stuffed. It’s embarrassing.

Every time I get one, I tell myself “THIS ONE I will do.”

They promise online support, groups, blah blah blah. I never even get past first base.

I’m trying not to be embarrassed.

wecanAnd now, this new one – FITera.

The interesting part about this is that you can get a personal coach. Now, I’ve heard THAT before – supposedly in WAG I got a personal coach – but I was only to “ask her one question at a time, daily,” and I had to “wait 24 hours for an answer.” I also was chastised by my coach once for asking her three questions in a day (I discussed that in the blog post.)

Also, you supposedly get a community. Discussed that in the blog post too. In WAG, it’s a private Facebook group. So what you have is a group of folks who are all paying to be there like you are, and a “trail” of texts. Not super helpful, if you’ve ever found yourself trying to find an entry that you “know” was in any Facebook group you’ve ever been a part of.

Also in WAG, there were no daily emails or “Atta Girls” of any kind. I did get a quarterly “newsletter” of sorts, but by that time, I’d already given up. (And when I gave up – e.g., didn’t report in on my day – I heard nothing from my coach – not a peep, not a word.)

So here’s my Day “Zero” experience with FITera.

You get a big huge workbook to go through and a short “Executive Version” of the same. I haven’t read the workbook yet (tonight), but in actuality, it looks a lot more detailed than the WAG one.

You also get a welcome video from the founder, and from your coach (if you choose to pay for one – want to say it’s $45/month). The coach states that they are available 24/7 for you. You get their cell/text, a Skype number, email, and phone number. Also a private Facebook group, and a portion of the “Community Boards” on the Fitera website. Fitera itself is free – it’s the “add-ons” that might cost you. Like the personal coach.

I am still trying to find my way around the FITera website – but it’s not hard.

You’re counselled to fill out a worksheet (similar to WAG), to fill out your profile, and to visit the boards. You’re also given a “day one” video about things to start thinking about – surprise surprise – this one was about water. But they gave you a “trick” on how to remember if you’re getting enough water in each day, which might prove helpful. Water is one of my biggest downfalls, and I know it.

I had a couple questions, though.

I thought about posting them to the Community Boards, because they were pretty easily-answered ones. The first was whether “non-caffeinated hot drinks,” sparkling water, and also water with like a packet of Emergen-C or Nuun in it would “count” as water. The second had to do with their contest (more on that in a bit).

500_F_72011703_NCU3o3wznpK6kX9xgAMHvl5GK9xyEK8RSo, I texted my coach.

No way, thought me, is this going to work. I figured I’d ask the water question, not both at once

In 1 minute, I had an answer.

I sat there, staring at my phone, slack jawed. I think I might have even said “Get out of town!” out loud.

So I asked the other question. They have a 12-week program going, where you do a “Before” photo and video, and then an “After” photo and video. The Community apparently gets to vote on it, and the top vote-winners get an all-expenses-paid trip for a week to a resort that looks pretty amazing. My question had to do with the fact that you need to take the photo with a newspaper, and we don’t get the newspaper.

My coach texted back and forth with me – even “laughing at” my suggestion that I just get up super early tomorrow, steal a neighbor’s paper, do the photo, put it back in the bag, and bring it back to their driveway.

Quick, and with a sense of humor? What?

My coach in WAG was in her 20s. She seemed really nice, but the way that she would try to answer my issues just did not work for me. It might have worked for “me at 20,” but not “me at 50.” In fact, it was very frustrating. My current coach seems to be somewhere between late 30s and 50 (though of course one knows never to “ask someone’s age” lol) – and even in her “welcome video” she seems very grounded and down-to-Earth. (No welcome video or really much “information” on your coach from WAG – I happened to stalk mine on Instagram to even see what she looked like, but that just depressed me more . . . she could almost be my grand daughter.)

Fitera also counsels you to keep a blog in their online Community. I don’t think I can keep two blogs going, so I’m going to see whether it’s possible to just link this over there.

I’m very very cautiously optimistic, in my first “hours” of sign up.

So Far, So Good.

Now to go steal that newspaper.

 

 

 

 

Zzzzt! Zzzzt! Zzzzt!

Corduroy abstract backgroundI’ve never really had a body image “issue.”

This basically means that I’ve been super lucky, as a female.

In the recent past, however, I’ve been dealing with weight, and the inability to lose same. It’s made me search back in my memory banks.

I know in 6th Grade, I got “chunky.”

I know this because I can hear my Mom’s voice in my head saying that. But I had all sorts of other “issues” that I dealt with at that time. As by-far the tallest, most non-athletic, girl in my school (and socially awkward at that), what I weighed was pretty much the least of my worries. And once I got my period, I leaned back out. Ah, hormones . . .

I remember this gal, Angela, from back then. She had legs that “went on for days” – but she was easily a head shorter than I was. I suppose I perhaps had a “body composition problem,” if you mean by that that I always wished I had been put together a bit differently. My legs are actually not that long. Not even “not that long for someone over 6′.” Really – not that long. What’s long on me is my neck (seriously long – like 2″ longer than the average, “parts-wise”), and my torso. If you have shorter legs and a longer torso, you actually look shorter – so people are always shocked to find out how tall I actually am. But back to memories.

I have this memory from high school.

Remember corduroy pants? They were all the rage when I was in high school. And I very specifically remember how important it was that you did not make that “zzzzt zzzzt zzzzt” sound when you walked.

Not that I was in any of (or a main target of) the “Mean Girls-esque” cliques . . . but boy, we had them at my school, and that zzzzt zzzzzt zzzzt sound would call them like mama lions to a kill.

I suppose now that’s “thigh gap.”

…but I personally would have to say that corduroy pants were the worst thing a girl without a “thigh gap” could ever deign to wear. As I said – you don’t even have to see someone, to know. Zzzzzt, zzzzt, zzzzzt.

And here’s the thing.

I specifically remember having one incident with the dreaded zzzzt zzzzt zzzzt in high school. I even remember what hallway I was in.

I’ll say as an aside that this is the sort of thing that nightmares are made of – sometimes I still wake up and have to say to myself “Self, you’re a lawyer, you must have gotten out of high school.”

But it was just that one time.

This is a reminder to my NowSelf that this whole “thigh thing” that I’m dealing with is new. My weight started to creep up after some issues, a hysterectomy, and such back now about 10 years ago. And I don’t feel equipped to deal with it.

I hear folks talk about how they have had “body issues their whole life.” I’m realizing that I really haven’t. I don’t have any memories of issues in college. Not even into law school – back in the days when bagels were considered health food.

And for some reason, this makes me feel better – but I think it’s part of the problem.

Because this issue is so “new” to me (even though it’s now been a stubborn issue for nearly a decade), I don’t really know how to act to make it go away – and I feel that it somehow “shouldn’t be so hard” to address it. I need to change my mindset, and get out of the thought that I am “still” that “thigh gap girl,” who never really had a weight issue. I don’t want to get down on myself, but somehow I have to get real, to get going.

If you haven’t guessed, surprise surprise, I’m on a new program.

More on that in the next blog post.

 

WAG Fail – UPDATE!!

2018 UPDATE: This post is from 2016.

Hey all!! WAG (Working Against Gravity) has gone through some serious structural and philosophical changes since this post was written. Because my website is “O.G.” on Google, this post comes up very high when someone puts “WAG” into the Search box. Instead of reading this as if it’s still true in 2018 (and beyond), I’d suggest going HERE. Why? Because I am trying out the WAG program again, since friends told me that a number of the issues mentioned below have been worked out. Unfortunately, it will be a while before this post stops being so high on the Google search list (Hey, that’s what I get for having a blog for 20 years . . . ) – so – read my 2018 posts if you’re actually looking for current information about this program.

I worked against gravity . . . and I lost.

The last time I posted (which now was weeks ago), I discussed that I was going to try a paid, macro-based, “coached” program called Working Against Gravity (WAG for short). A couple of friends of mine, and “Facebook friends” related to them, were trying it with success. I thought “well, I have tried everything else, why not this?” It was pricey – and you have to sign up for 3 months at the front end – but I was pretty enthusiastic about it.

It started with the intake form . . .

WAG makes you fill out an intake form. Great! (I love forms. So Virgo lawyer of me.) However, they make you choose from the following as to “what you are” – “competitive athlete…weekend warrior…non-athlete.” Now, I work out 5 days per week – and I work out hard. But according to WAG, I’m a “non-athlete.” I resented this…A LOT. I went back and forth actually with my coach (and then the founder of WAG, “to whom” she punted me) about this languaging. The founder stated that it was “just to get me the right coach,” and I “shouldn’t be offended.”

I think that is the sort of thing that a competitive athlete/Alpha says. The founder is a competitive athlete – and likely wants to attract them. My gut instinct is that she’s an Alpha,too. So, in her view, the fact that I had to check “non-athlete” was no big deal. Now, perhaps she believes that the phrase “non-athlete” applies equally to someone working their guts out five days a week and someone eating bon-bons on a couch. There was no follow-on intake question that split this hair. Working out hard 5 days a week – yup, non-athlete, check. Not happy.

500_F_72011703_NCU3o3wznpK6kX9xgAMHvl5GK9xyEK8R…& paying, to me, equates to “high touch” excellence.

WAG, brass tacks, is about weighing yourself every day, keeping track of your macros every day, and checking in with your coach, with photos and feelings, once a week. Once you send in your intake form, you get an email back that says at the top:

**It is beyond our current capabilities to remind you to check in with your coach. This means that it is your responsibility to remember your check-in day to check-in with your coach in order to get feedback.**

Sure, that makes sense. However, I expected my “investment” in this program to net me more than just me filling out an Excel sheet, me checking in, me making Notes daily.

I made daily Notes – even edited their Excel spreadsheet that way – instead of checking in weekly. This is for the same reason that I coach clients to keep a “running tally” of their accomplishments for their annual reviews – you never remember anything but your most recent accomplishments or travails when the time comes to detail them.

What would “high touch” look like, to me?

Well, here’s a thought. When I had heard the Founder interviewed, she’d talked about the fact that they had a “21-day challenge” on their website that people could subscribe to for free, getting 21 days’ worth of insights, etc.

So (silly me) I surmised that if I was paying for the service, I would get something – even just a little “Atta Girl” or an insight – daily from “WAG HQ.”

Nope. Not a thing. Hands off.

I pay nothing for daily emails from Yuri Elkaim, Abel James, Jonathan Bailor, etc. They give me great information – oh sure, they usually try to sell me something, too, or introduce me to some Affiliate Program. I somehow thought that by paying for WAG, its program would be like that, but without the upsell (like buying an app instead of getting the one with the adverts at the bottom). Instead – Crickets.

(Sorry, I just couldn’t help embedding that.)

Yes, Yes, I need “pets.”

If I am paying like this, I expect someone to give me some information, every day, without being asked to do so. Even if it’s just generic stuff from “HQ.” Especially if I am paying. Sure, we complain about our “busting full inboxes,” but in my opinion, if you’re paying that sort of money, you should be getting something that you can then choose to delete or unsubscribe from, if you so desire.

They tout that your coach is “there for you, 24/7” (with a 24 hour turnaround). I did ask my coach three things in one day, and she told me to hold them and just ask one “big” thing a day.

You know what? When I think of something, I want to get it off to you, or I will forget. In going back through my emails, I only did this once, then I didn’t contact my coach at all except for my weekly “check in,” because I had been “chastized.”

And that was the beginning of the end – more on that in a bit.

Oh, and to be . . . “fair?”. . . you are actually warned not to do this – because . . . um . . . your coach has a lot of folks who are paying that $125/month for three months minimum so s/he can’t be inundated? Hm.

Hey, just glug down some protein!

As I mentioned, I actually changed the Excel spreadsheet that they send you, adding a “Notes” section at the end. This allowed me to write down what was going on, how my workoutSlippery surface warning signs went, PRs, etc. without “bothering” my coach.

I had some issues with meeting the macros that I was assigned (145g protein, 190g carbs, 60g fat, every day), even though I have a lot of experience with logging and with macros. When I did pose questions about this (getting enough protein, for example), my coach  said “well, just drink protein shakes,” and such other comments.

I’m probably her worst client ever. She seemed very nice – and very young. To be fair, when I was in my 20s, I probably would just tell someone to eat candy to make up their carbs or glug a protein drink, too.

Maybe I’m just an over 50, thin-skinned, real-food-loving, locavore, chef, “non-athlete.” But this rubbed me the wrong way. I wanted WAG to work for me – I didn’t want to work for WAG. And the Slippery Slope began…

WAG is a DRAG.

Sure, WAG has a Facebook group that’s very active. But that’s a bunch of folks that are just like yourself – who are paying to then compare notes with other folks who are paying. WTH? I mean, seriously. WAG is all “pull” or “take.” You need to log your weight. Log your macros. Ask questions of your coach (or this Facebook group – again – where everyone is paying to be there). Take photos weekly. There’s no “push” out to you unless you request it – and no “give,” except for the encouragement you get if you ask for it.

So, six weeks in, I wanted to see what would happen. So I didn’t check in with my coach.

Now you can go back up, and click on the “Crickets” .WAV again.

Not a peep (chirp?). Nothing. I actually kept logging, but off the Excel spreadsheet, to see what would happen.

Have you clicked on that .WAV yet? Not a chirp.

It Ain’t Easy Bein’ An “Omega.”240_F_99638053_lrhmqq64ZgRpqtbAPiXk7mYnDcEniveJ

Here’s the deal: I believe that folks who have been successful with this program don’t need a lot of pets/encouragement/daily mantras/etc. They just want to get it down – give me my macros – just the facts, Ma’am. I’ve discussed this before, but this is very much an “Alpha” mentality.  I am a “non-Alpha” – which I tend, for whatever reason, to refer to as an “Omega.”

As an Omega, I’m less likely to ask for help. In fact, if I have to ask for help, I’ve probably waited so long that I’m sort of desperate – so I come off as a bitch. I want people to “just notice” that something is going off the rails . . . yeah, yeah, I know, I know, what a foolish way to be, says every Alpha everywhere.

If I am writing things in Notes, and you’re being paid to coach me, then I want you to have some thoughts, without me pointing the Notes out to you and asking. I log a PR in my Notes? I want you to take note! And I definitely want to feel special. Even if it’s just generic stuff from “HQ.” And in fact, if I pay for a service, then I really want to feel special. Even if it’s the same red carpet for everyone, I want to feel like it was rolled out for me.

There ain’t no Special here.

My experience with WAG is that you don’t really matter. I had some concerns about phraseology with the intake form – I heard back that “hey, that’s not what we meant, you’re taking this the wrong way.” I put things in Notes (without pointing them out) – I heard nothing. I stopped logging – I heard nothing. I stopped checking in with my coach – I heard nothing. Alpha, Alpha, Alpha.

My guess with regard to why they make you pay three non-refundable months in advance is that folks like me drop out like flies. Smart tactic, on their part. I imagine (I didn’t go back to read the PDF that you’re sent to check this though) that they tell you that the reason for this is that you need to “stick with it for three months” to “really see results.” But I have to believe that the drop out rate of folks like me is very high. (If they get past that “non-athlete” question to begin with ;-) )

I’m sure that this post will elicit some responses.

This is just one Omega’s view of the situation. My friend – who has had great success with WAG – told me when I hit rocky times that I should ask for a new coach.

But I just don’t believe that would have made any difference. I think it’s a fundamental flaw in how WAG is set up.

WAG is not set up for someone like me to be anything but lonely. A Facebook group of a bunch of other folks who are paying too does not a support system make. WAG is all about inputting and asking. Sometimes, a girl just wants to feel taken care of and special without having to ask. Even if she has to pay for it. But especially if she does.

 

 

 

Easy Smoothies ( WAG IIFYM )

20160121_150041

greens
greens

This time – swear – I will get right to the recipe ;-) This is for my friend Joy from Girls Gone WOD Podcast. Joy and I text incessantly, and we’re both doing the WAG program. She has recently been starving on the program, and her coach told her that she needed to increase her fiber intake. We both are busy in the mornings, so I texted her my “easy smoothie packs” idea, as it’s even easier than my pancakes recipe (which takes cooking).

Of course, texting being texting, the text came through in jumbled pieces. I promised Joy that she would not have to whip out her Decoder Ring, and that I would do a quick blog on what I said. So here we go.

Every Sunday, I make up “smoothie packs.” These are all pretty much the same. They are each made up of two packs, a freezer pack and a cabinet pack. In other words, a “fresh ingredients” pack and a “dry ingredients” pack. Make as many as you think you will use in a week. Each pack is:

ingredients for the Freezer Pack
ingredients for the Freezer Pack

FREEZER PACK:*
1 cup berries
2 cups greens
0.5 cup beans (garbanzo, white beans)

ingredients for the Cabinet Pack
ingredients for the Cabinet Pack

CABINET PACK:*
3T Bulletproof Upgraded Collagen Protein Powder
1 scoop protein powder (I use one with ZERO CARBS, see photo, below)
1T chia seed (or flax seed)
1t turmeric

*I am listing all the ingredients as cups or table/teaspoons, but you want to be sure that you weigh the grams, if you are going for exact accuracy. It’s not that bad – you’ll become an “assembly line.”

Berries: You probably already know this, but berries have lots and lots of fiber. Fiber keeps you full. Berries with more seeds – though they will have you picking your teeth after drinking your smoothie – have more fiber. I usually stick with organic blueberries or organic blackberries. I scour the grocery stores I frequent and make sure I stock up when they go on sale. Remember that grocery stores can’t sell things after their “sell by” date – but that date is statutory, it doesn’t mean that the thing has “gone bad.” (Especially stuff that’s frozen.) You can get some really sweet deals this way if you keep your eye out.

20160122_083744 1
yup…50g parsley

Greens: I buy big bunches of organic greens on Saturday and chop them up into rough chunks on Sunday. MAKE SURE THEY ARE DRY before you freeze them, or else you will wind up with chunks of ice! I also get a CSA (Community Supported Agriculture) box every week, and sometimes there is stuff in there that I’m unlikely to use quickly (parsley, anyone?) If I’m in that predicament, I make sure I chop the greens up and freeze them for my smoothies immediately. Especially during the winter here, I get a ton of kale, collard greens, etc. in my CSA. Anything like that goes immediately into my “chop for smoothies” pile. (NOTE: If you find yourself buying veggies and then winding up with limp carrots, etc. in your fridge, keep a bag in your freezer and throw them in there instead of throwing them away, if they’re not too far gone. They make the PERFECT addition to bone broth. This is also what I do with the back/neck/insides of chickens from my roast chicken. Once the bag is full, it’s time for soup.)

20160121_150733Beans: Garbanzo or butter/great Northern/canelli beans are best for this, because they have no taste. They make your smoothie a little “creamy” and add a LOT of fiber. If beans give you gas, add a few drops of Beano to each smoothie pack. Beano is epizote, a leaf that is a natural enzyme, and eliminates gas from stuff like beans by helping you digest the fiber. (Magic…)

20160121_150800
the zero carb zero taste protein powder I use

Collagen Protein Powder: HERE is an article on this product. Helps with tissue repair, flexibility, reduces inflammation, etc. I add 3 tablespoons.

Protein Powder: If you look at the pictures, you will see the protein powder that I use. It has ZERO taste, and ZERO carbs. As many of you probably have discovered to your “horror,” various protein powders have various levels of carbs/fats/protein/etc. Obviously, track everything if you are doing macros – even though this is a “protein powder” if it has carbs and fats in it, they count, too.

20160121_150818
nutrition facts from the protein powder

Chia Seed: Again, added fiber.

Turmeric: It’s supposed to be super good for you. Google it ;-)

INSTRUCTIONS: Every morning, take one Freezer Pack and smoosh it down into your Nutribullet or “smoothie maker of choice.” Add the Cabinet Pack on top of this. It will fill it to the top of the biggest cup of the Nutribullet. Now, you can pretend that I didn’t say this for warranties’ sakes (smile), but you can really fill the Nutribullet right up (above the Fill line). Now, add water. Make a little “hole” in the Cabinet Pack (e.g., dry) stuff so that the water goes down into the cup. Make sure that you add the Freezer Pack FIRST and the dry stuff SECOND, because if the dry stuff is on the bottom of the Nutribullet when you invert it, it doesn’t work as well.

I’m sure that you already know this, but on most macro trackers, you can make a “Recipe” or a “Meal” out of various things that you eat all the time, and then you can just click on it to log it. I love that! NOTE: I have personally saved mine as a “Meal,” because this logs each ingredient separately in your tracker (at least, on My Fitness Pal). This way, if I swap out the blueberries for blackberries, or if I swap out collard greens for kale, I can just delete that one ingredient and enter the other one. With the “Recipe” feature, you can’t swap ingredients out like that.

So there you go, Joy, no Decoder Ring necessary – make up seven packs of each, and use them throughout the week. Then make more :-)

One thing that I’ve found to be important – I heard this on a nutrition podcast once – is to “chew” your smoothie. The adage was “drink your food and chew your liquids.” The idea being that you need to chew things that are solid for long enough so that they liquify – it gives your body time to break it down and start digestion going in your mouth. Similarly, you shouldn’t chug liquids that have calories – because the only liquid your “caveman body” knows is water; therefore, it will not muster up all the things it needs to break down this “liquid” as a food unless you chew it and signal to your body that it’s a “solid.”

greens cut in "chunks."
greens cut in “chunks.”

Now it’s your turn:

*What easy tips or tricks do you have for me?
*If you’re on WAG, what’s your favorite part? Least favorite?
*How are you doing with tracking?

(I personally suck at it – my coach actually cut me slack and said I just had to stay within my protein grams this week LOL)

*What do you like in a smoothie?

Try these pancakes! ( WAG IIFYM ) 1g fat 10g protein 2g fiber 72 cals

Hey there! As usual, there’s a lot of me chatting to you before you actually get to the recipe for these pancakes (one serving = 9g carbs, 1g fat, 10g protein, 2g fiber (72 cals)). If you want to skip to it, scan down for the heading “Surprise! Here’s The Recipe!

mfpSo, for the past week, I’ve been back on My Fitness Pal. I know, I know, if you’ve read this blog, you’re all “Oh for goodness’ sakes, AGAIN?!” Yah, I’ve fallen off the wagon so many times, I have axle grease permanently embedded in my palms. Then again, I’ve gotta believe that this is basically how 99.9% of those of us trying to get back in shape work. So there you go.

Pomroy Plan
Pomroy Plan

I actually have had success on a number of eating plans. I’ve detailed a lot of them in this blog. The problem has always been that I don’t have anyone to hold my feet to the fire. So I’ve “caught and released” the same 10-15 pounds for about 6 years or so now, never getting near my optimal weight before (“Shiny Penny!”) I wander away.

Nine years ago, I was at my optimal weight. I felt great. From 9 years ago to about 6 year ago, I slowly gained about 30 pounds. Yeah, I know – you’d think that after, say, 5, I would have a ironman finish photoclue. But during that time, I was doing a lot of endurance-type athletics (Ironman, marathons, 100 mile bike rides, swimming from Alcatraz, etc.). And I am not an athlete.

No – really. I’m not. Look – with enough training, anyone can do what I did. (Someone has to bring up the back of the pack . . . and I say that without self-deprecation.)

The issue has always been my self-identification as a “non-athlete” or, perhaps, “non-lover-of-things-physical.”  I beliereading photo 5ve that you are one, or you aren’t. You do, or you don’t. I was the kid that wanted to be reading a book under her covers with a flashlight until like 2 a.m., sleep until 10 a.m. and then get back to reading in bed. (Heck, that’s still my guilty pleasure.) While schoolmates were wiggling in their chairs to get out for recess, I would often stay in – and read.

The interesting thing is that I’m not a bad athlete. I was in the NCAA Finals for Fencing with Cal, making Varsity my Freshman year, and traveled in England with the fencing and the Shotokan karate team during my Junior year abroad. But both fencing and karate are sort of “mental” sports – they aren’t “get out and run around” sports. They’re also not “team” sports.

I kinda got “team sports” beaten out of me during grade school. I was “made” to do team sports. I wasn’t bad – middle of the road – but always very tall, so people “thought” that I’d be great at things like volleyball, etc. Since I wasn’t interested in “practicing” this stuff at home (too busy reading), I was always “just okay.” But I hated the fact that my height made folks think that I’d be great. (By college, my general answer to a shorter person asking why I wasn’t better at things like volleyball was “Why aren’t you riding horses at the track?” Yeah, not nice – but it gets old.)

Oops, this was supposed to be a pancake recipe.

triathlon photo 9Anyway – so somewhere in my 20s, I joined the Hash House Harriers, a “drinking group with a running problem,” and that led to doing runs worldwide, which led to doing triathlons, which ultimately lead to Ironman, etc. What does this have to do with pancakes?? This. I would self-soothe after every eIMG00956-20120401-1818xercise-related endeavor by doing what I really liked – namely, eating a lot of food.

So paradoxically, during the time I was the most “active,” I gained 30 pounds.

Enter lots of eating plans. And lots of wagons to fall off of.

This time around, because, as I mentioned in my last blog post, my friend Joy of Girls Gone WOD “made me” (Hi Joy!), I’m doing Working Against Gravity (“WAG”). I recently went fcheckrom 38.28% body fat during a contest at my gym to 28%, which garnered me a nice check – and it was just about what it would take to do WAG for the mandatory three months. So there you go.

In WAG, again, as I detailed last blog post, they give you the protein/fat/carbohydrate macros (e.g., grams) that you personally should meet (and not exceed) daily. (Everyone has to ingest 35g fiber a day.) You have a coach (mine is Kelsie. HI KELSIE). You have to log, and report. If the macros you are assigned aren’t working, they change them. And you’ve paid for three months.

For the past week, I’ve been logging, and seeing whether it’s going to be tough, or not so tough, to make the macros that they have assigned to me. In general, I’ve found that if I eat the protein that I usually eat to meet my protein macros, I way overexceed my fat macros.

Also I realized that I had to get back in the swing of doing things that I used to do – namely, a good amount of prep work on Sunday to “make it through” the work week without axle grease on my hands and cookie crumbs on my face (Wait – where’d the wagon go?).

That means making my award-winning beef jerky by the ton (since basically all beef jerky you can buy has sugar/chemicals/etc.) – egg muffins (the recipe is lower down in this blog post)- – easiest roast chicken in the Universe – aaaaaand – pancakes.

ingredientsSurprise! Here’s the recipe!

Makes 10 pancakes – each pancake is a serving.
*2 cups egg whites. I use the 100% organic egg whites in a carton, but if you want to crack your own, go for it. Your/your neighbor’s/Claire’s dog will love the yolks ;-)
*1.25 cups oat bran (I get organic in the bulk bins, otherwise Bob’s Red Mill is a good brand)
*1.25 cups fat-free plain Greek yogurt
*40 drops stevia sweetener – or you can make them “savory” with herbs, salt, etc. – I particularly like Andy’s Rub.

egg beater and whites, before beating
egg beater and whites, before beating

One biggish bowl (gallon to 3/4 gallon – see photos)
One 2-cup glass measuring cup
One NON-STICK pan
ladle, rubber spatula, and non-scratching pancake flipper spatula
Egg beater (I use one like your grandma had – they’re still out there – it’s more fun to me than an electric beater, but you decide)

foamy egg whites
foamy egg whites

Put the egg whites into the bowl. Beat them until they are super foamy – if you beat hard, this will take a couple minutes. Volume-wise, if you look at the photo on the right (not beaten) and the one on the left (foamy) you can see what you’re looking for. No, you don’t have to whip it ’til it has peaks or anything. Just super foamy/no more “runny egg white” in the bottom of the bowl if you scoop up from the bottom.

Heat up your pan on the stove – medium/high. If it is a real, good, non-stick pan that has never been in the dishwasher, you will not need any fat in it. If it is not, then remember to count anything you put in there (e.g., organic spray coconut oil) as a fat. If you’re going to make these a lot, it’s worth getting a new non-stick for $12 and SWEARING you will NEVER put it in the dishwasher . . .

Separately, measure out the yogurt, bran and flavorings.

1-1/4 cups yogurt
1-1/4 cups yogurt

TIP: I really hate having a lot of dishes & I also like doing things fast – so this is how I measure the yogurt and the bran.

Measure the 1-1/4c. yogurt into a 2c. measuring cup. Next, pour the oat bran on top of the yogurt (see picture on left). If you fill the measuring cup to the top, since

oat bran "on top of" yogurt in the measuring cup. So - just one cup to wash.
oat bran “on top of” yogurt in the measuring cup.

the 2 cup “measurement line” is lower than the rim, you will be at 1-1/4 c. oat bran. If you are pickier than I am go ahead and measure it out your first time – I just hate washing dishes and you’ll find that, with the glass Pyrex measuring cup that I have pictured, it works out just right.

 

egg white foam with the ingredients in it. Yes, I know, you can't believe that this light stuff will make pancakes. Don't worry.
everything in the bowl

Next, pour the yogurt and oat bran into the egg whites, add 40 drops of stevia or whatever flavors you’re using, then fold in with the rubber spatula. It is going to be super fluffy still – you’re not going to believe that the consistency is right. Trust me on this one.

ladling out the mix into the pan
ladling out the mix into the pan

Ladle the mix – scooping around and down to the bottom every time (the bran sometimes sinks) – into your NON STICK pan. If you accidentally THINK that you’re using a non-stick pan and instead you’re using a pan that is masquerading as a non-stick pan, you’ll go to flip your first pancake and it will look like the photo on the right. It’s still delish – just not particularly beautiful or portable! #PancakeScramble …

It sure ~looked~ non-stick...
It sure ~looked~ non-stick…

BTW, if this isn’t clear yet, DO NOT PUT NON-STICK PANS IN THE DISHWASHER, it ruins their non-stick capabilities. As does, of course, putting food into it before it’s hot, or using a metal/scratchy spatula that breaks the bond of the non-stick to the pan body.

The first time you make this recipe you’ll figure out how many of your ladles it takes to get exactly 10 pancakes. I have two ladles in my house – one is just the right size.

1st side
1st side

If you wind up with a bit too much or a bit too little of the batter, TAKE NOTE, so next time you fill your ladle accordingly.

flip side
flip side

(How to remember? Myself, I have this recipe printed out, and I WRITE DOWN what ladle/bowl/etc. to use. Except I hadn’t written down the pan, obvs from the photo above. NOW it says which PAN, too…Unfortunately the house sitter we had when we were recently gone put the pan through the dishwasher. I thought everyone knew not to do this….guess not.)

Cook the pancake about 2-3 minutes on each side, depending on your stove.

last scoop bowl ladle
approx 3/4 gal. copper bowl, 1 scoop left

When you take each pancake off the stove, you need to let it cool off 100%. I have tile in my kitchen, so I put the pancakes directly on the tile. If you do not do this, they will get soggy. So be sure before you pack them up, they really are well and truly cold.

pancakes on tile
pancakes chillin’ on the tile

Slip them into a ziplock, and you have 10 pancakes for when you need to “up” your carb/protein macros accordingly!

Now It’s Your Turn:

I’m allergic to fish (not shellfish) & peanut butter, so no comments re. those please ;-)

shut up. it goes in the dishwasher next.
shut up. it goes in the dishwasher next.

*What do you do when you’re low on low/no-fat protein at the end of the day & sick of lunch meat?
*What easy things do you make on one day, then use all week?
*What tricks could you share with me to make my life easier?

Have a great week!

Did someone say “SNACKS”???

First and foremost, if you’ve been wondering where I’ve “been,” my website was taken DOWN by a super virulent virus. THANK YOU THANK YOU to WordPress SOS for fixing it! That’s why you haven’t seen anything in months. They saved it ALL – clearing thousands of pages, all infected, now protected – I can’t say enough about them.suitcase

As those of you know who listened to the Interim BeingJamesBond.com episodes I hosted, one of my favorite Bond flicks is Never Say Never Again (1983) – the Bond movie “stepchild” due to litigation (resolved this past year, as detailed in the podcast linked above . . . where I discuss both Austria and that litigation, including why Spectre got to use the term “SPECTRE”).

In Never Say Never Again, Bond is required to go to “Shrublands Health Clinic” to change his eating/drinking habits, in true 1980s style.

Miss Moneypenny: Have you got a mission, James?
James Bond: Yes. I am to eliminate all free radicals.
Miss Moneypenny: Ooooh. DO be careful.

Bond being Bond, he smuggles a large case filled with delicacies into his room, to counteract the “high colonics,” dry Melba toast and margarine. The case contains, among other things, red and blue jars of Beluga caviar, a dozen quail eggs, Angniez crème de foie gras, and Patum Peperium (also known as Gentleman’s Relish, a type of anchovy paste), as well as Absolut Vodka Red Label 100 Proof (in production from 1979-2006) and Château Cheval Blanc red wine.

In my version of this briefcase, that’s just the top layer. There is a layer under this one with yummy things to enjoy with the eggs and foie gras . . . in other words . . .

Snacks.

Interestingly now 30+ years later, Bond’s case (including my mythical second-hidden-level additions of olives, spicy crunchy stuff, and dark chocolate turbinado sea salt almonds), might actually be considered a more healthful choice, versus the “no fat, high carb” routine that was then all the rage.  (I make no comment about the vodka  – though of course, following the current buzz, Absolut has its take on whether their wheat-based vodka is “gluten free.”) In fact, if you’re really au courant, you don’t even talk about the C word (that’s “Calories,” silly) any more.

macrosThis year, “Macros” are the new “Calories.”

If you’ve been following this blog for a while, you’ll know that last year, I did a LOT of posts revolving around macros. (Linked HERE – or just put “macro” in the search box.) I dropped off the wagon, because it’s just too darned hard without a coach. As such, after discussing with my BFF Joy of Girls Gone WOD Podcast, I’ve signed up for “The WAD.”

I’m supposed to hear from them in a few days, but in the meantime, I’ve been wandering around the Internet, looking for good, easy ways to get the sort of organic, healthful snacks that I know will be part of the program.

That’s how I discovered Nuts.com.

OK, so first of all, how can you not love a New Jersey-based third-gen family biz, started by “Poppy Sol” in 1929? I ask you.

One of the things that really caught my attention is their “Snacks Swap” document. So, half-popped popcorn is a thing, not just what I dig for surreptitiously from the bottom of the bowl? Who knew?

They have over 250 organic products on their website. If you don’t like something, they have a 100% Satisfaction Guarantee, because they want customers for life. So they want you to be happy.

The website is also “deep” – this is a company that really seems proud about caring about their “community” (and that means you). So, it’s not all about the sale. For example, if you click on “gluten-free,” you get gluten-free offerings, but you also get recipes (chestnut crepes anyone? Nom nom nom…) And no requirement to “give us your email, then we’ll give you the recipe,” either. (SO HATE THAT!!)

pomYeah, I know – you’re going to go get your snack nuts from Trader Joe’s – so why Nuts.com? Well, their tag line is “We’re more than just nuts.” As I dove deeper, I found a LOT of things that have piqued my interest. As those of you who have read this blog for a while know, I’m sort of a nutrition junkie. I’ve read about kaniwa, garcina cambogia, moringa. If you search online, you can find these ingredients – but how do you know that they’re from a safe purveyor? And what if you hate them? (Did I mention 100% Satisfaction Guarantee…?)

iifymPlus – since 2016 is the Year Of “IIFYM” – what if you want to find some fun stuff that sounds delish, just in case you have “carbs left”? How about organic watermelon rings or pomegranate/pistachio Turkish Delight?

Okay – I digress, but how about a charitable care package for parrots?

(Made’ja click…)

Anyway – now that my blog is back up and running, I hope that those of you who have flitted away because of my “404 for 6 months” will come back and join me! Oh – and – full disclosure, I did not receive anything from Nuts.com for this blog post. I really do think it’s a great one-stop shop for a lot of comestibles, and thought that I should share it with you. Because, ya know, I’m like that ;-)

Now it’s your turn:

*What’s up for you in 2016? Any “Resolutions”? New Plans?

*What’s your favorite snack? (I’m making a list…)

*Are you jumping on the “Macros” bandwagon?

pars*If you are ON the Macros bandwagon, how’s it worked for you?

*Don’t you just love the word “snack”? Say it in Parseltongue, it’s even better…”Sssssnack…..” ;-)

 

 

 

It Ain’t Easy Bein’ Green…

Kermit_the_FrogSO FRUSTRATED RIGHT NOW!

The last post (and my “interviews” on Girls Gone WOD Podcast) dealt with Alpha/Omega, introvert/extrovert issues. And the “3D chess” of relationships.

I don’t just mean relationships with your partner. I mean Relationships with a capital R – all relationships.

I have a Situation right now. It goes like this.

We have some great neighbors (when I say “neighbors” I mean couples, if it matters). We also have “the she” of a neighbor that “dislikes” us, due to her feud with another she-neighbor we liked, but who has since moved away.

Ah, Relationship Dynamics – since we were quite good friends with the couple that moved away, and she feuded with the “she” of that couple, we were tarred with the same brush.

Anyway – one of the great neighbors wants to have us over to dinner, and to play Cards Against Humanity. The “she” of that neighbor wants to invite the great neighbors, as well as the “she dislikes us” neighbor-couple.

So, me being me, I went into a bit of a tailspin. The idea of playing a game that was described as “super fun, rude, crazy, politically incorrect, adult” to me with anyone didn’t sound like such a great idea. (The subtitle on the game is “A Game for Horrible People.”) Even less of a good idea, playing with the neighbor that I wanted to “leave a good impression on.”

Hell – I don’t want to feel “on the spot” in front of anyone – and that includes my husband. (He has a habit, when we are in public, of contradicting me, usually when I’m trying to make a story funny – or contradicting what I say. I hate this, but I feared that this could get way out of hand in a game marketed as above.)

I had imagined that this game was sort of a “Truth or Dare” game – my honest to goodness least favorite type of game ever, after being immensely embarrassed whilst playing one at a sleep-over in 7th Grade.

Shut up, I know how long ago that was.

pic1497434_mdCombining introvert with “Omega” is such a recipe for disaster. (It ain’t easy…bein’ Green…)

My friend Joy is an introverted Alpha – so she likes to have her peace, but she also has that Alpha quality that I admire. Basically things run off her back – or, more particularly, she doesn’t realize that anything is on her back to begin with ;-)

We had to postpone the dinner/cards once, because hubby had a health issue come up the night before we were going to do it. In the interim, I have gone more and more into a tailspin about the whole “game” part.

My trepidation has really exasperated the hostess. She’s tried to accommodate me – to have me over to show me how the game works. But the 3 or 4 times she’s tried, it’s usually once hubby had gotten home from what’s been really tough days at work. Me leaving my Alpha to go visit someone just wouldn’t fly . . . especially as I’m having to be on my Best Omega Behavior because of adding the dog to the mix.

So why am I frustrated?

Because my being so ridiculous and scaredy-cat about this stupid thing has exasperated the hostess. I received an email from her this morning about it, that I’ve basically turned something that “was supposed to be fun” and “pay us back for” a dinner we had them to, into a “big, heavy thing” and so now she wants to like “discuss” it.

As an aside, she also was completely blown away at our last book club, when it came out that I’m an introverted Omega. She basically “wouldn’t believe it,” for reasons I have detailed before. (She’s an Alpha.) So now it’s a “deal.” And I hate that.

Well, that’s part of why I’m frustrated at myself.

The second reason I’m frustrated at myself is that, in writing this blog post about the first frustration, I went to find a link for Cards Against Humanity. Which made me read the Wikipedia article about it. Which made me realize it wasn’t some sort of “Truth or Dare” thing – rather, it sounds like it could be fun.

So I got myself all worked up about nothing. A little research – instead of somehow combining my least favorite, embarrassing games in my head – could have made this a non-issue.

Are you ever in this situation?

Do you ever just go into full blown imagination mode, making something that you’re going to “have to do” into a huge deal? And then being embarrassed with yourself afterwards?

288657_10150268779367615_4248159_oSometimes I do this, and I don’t affect anyone with my mental off-the-rails thinking. I keep it to myself. So when I am actually in the situation and it’s not as bad as I imagined, I thank my stars that I didn’t voice any of my fears to anyone else.

(That does NOT go for the time that I went skydiving, however, because a friend wanted to go – that was JUST as terrifying and terrible as I had imagined – in fact, even more so LOL.)

I hate it when I actually voice some of my fears, and how it affects the dynamics of a situation. How people “want to be sure I’m having a good time,” which then makes me feel self-conscious, and spirals from there.

Argh, just SO FRUSTRATED! :-(