This post carries on from the Podcast of our first Fempower(R) Lifestyle Training call on May 8th with my “Thursday Evening Bond Grrrrls.” Each member has agreed to let the process be open on this Blog, so that others can see what Fempower(R) Coaching is all about.
One issue that I did not bring up in the Weekly Update but I will likely bring up in the call on May 22nd was the “belching issue.” A couple of the women on the call mentioned this specifically. If you have listened to the podcast, you will hear an enormous belch about 3/4 of the way through. It was while one of the Bond Grrls was speaking in the Masterminding session. (If you haven’t listened to the podcast, bet you’re going to do it now, huh? :-) ) The belch was definitely an adult – it was not one of the Bond Grrls who was attending with her baby. To me, it actually sounded like a man’s belch.
So it was one thing, or the other. Either it was one of the Bond Grrls letting out a ripper of a belch, or one of the Bond Grrls who was on the call had her “significant other” come and belch literally in her face while she was on the call. If the first, that’s fairly easy to correct – it’s a disgusting sound, it’s unnecessary, and it’s definitely not Bond Grrl to belch like a toad on overdrive. If it was a “James” making this sound, it is either one of two things: (a) a power play, or (b) an “endearment.” In either case, the Bond Grrl has given some sort of signal in her life that this is “OK.”
We do train our men – we all know that. If we say “Oh honey that’s disgusting! (Tee hee hee)”, we are actually signalling that we are OK being treated like that. If we get angry, again, we have allowed our James to see that something “pushes our buttons,” and so he can use it as a power play against us. Here a way to handle this.
Show no reaction at the time. (This is critical – remember, he’s trying to get you off your game.) Then, after the call, sit down very seriously and say, “James, are you really someone who belches in his woman’s ear? Is that the real you? Can you please help me to understand what you were thinking when you did that?” Then just be quiet.
He’s going to have to say whatever he “thought” – and you need to stay non-reactive. If he says “oh, I thought it was really funny,” don’t just counter with a huffy “Well I sure don’t!” Try instead “To me, it’s an inappropriate way to express yourself. Just like telling an incredibly prejudiced joke, that belch reflects upon you. Is that what you want to be remembered for?” or perhaps “When you belch in my ear when I am on an accountability call, it makes me feel disrespected. I feel embarrassed because the other women on the call can hear this. I would rather that belching is not part of our relationship repertoire.” Just do NOT go the direction of “When you belched in my ear, you disrespected me.” Because he will say “No I didn’t,” and you’re in a fight. Always stick to how YOU feel. Do NOT get into “his body” or “his head.” You can ask what he was thinking when he did it, or what that signified to him, but when it comes to your reaction, ground it in your own feelings or you’re setting yourself for an “I did not,” “You did too” type fight.
Whoever is the Grrl that had this happen to her has allowed this in her life. No one here is a Victim. How you are treated is a manifestation of how you have shown that you want to be treated. ‘Nuff said.
As for the call in general, it brought up some private issues that a few of the Bond Grrls wanted to work through with me on email, as their Coach. As you can see, we do not have that many Comments thusfar – those who had immediate issues decided to keep them private between coach/Bond Grrl (which I have respected, of course), and others were too crazed in their lives/schedules to learn how to Comment/post. The best part about fEmpowerment Lifestyle Training is that you show up however works best for you – so if there’s just not enough time to work the Curriculum, or something big interrupts your call-in time, then you can always “catch up” through the Weekly Updates and Recordings.
If you have any questions, e-mail me at doubleohsandy [at] yahoo [dot] com. You can also leave a Comment below.
Click below to download the Weekly Update document. It is in PDF format, so you may need to obtain the Adobe Reader if you do not have it on your computer already (it is free on www.Adobe.com).