“It’s all about that bass…”

Whenever I think about my rapidly expanding lower body self, I seem to hum this song. (Perhaps because I have an ever-expanding “bass,” and very little “treble”…Why can’t fat go where you want it?) As I’m typing this blog, I’m humming this song. So I thought I’d share a little earworm with ya.

That done…

When we last left our heroine, she was lamenting the fact that no eating plans seem to work . . .

The end of last week, I saw my chiropractor and my doctor. My doctor prescribed something for the hip/glute/back issue that I’ve been having, that addresses sciatica. Now, if you want to immediately feel ancient, just let someone tell you that you have sciatica. I think it’s right up there with gout and cataracts. He asked if any pain meds had helped, which they had not. He said that sciatica is a nerve issue, not a muscle issue – and that if anti-inflammatories (like ibuprofen) weren’t working, then it’s unlikely to be a muscle thing as I have imagined it to be for the 5-6 weeks I’ve been suffering from it – and addressing it with my chiropractor and my fascia guy.

He had basically nothing to say about the weight issue, though there is apparently a program through my insurance company where the co-pay is $4,000 (yes, you read that right), and it’s all based on eating pre-packaged food and shakes that they give you, and coming in every week and logging everything you eat and do. Um, no thanks. He did remind me I need to drop “what looks like around 30 pounds.” Yup, gotcha. Thanks, buddy.

Then I had an appointment with my chiropractor. I told them that I had been prescribed this med. They still thought that the pain was more likely a disc thing than sciatica. (Note: As I write this, the issue has really gone down to a dull roar, so I may actually have sciatica, as the drug seems to have worked.)

However, they had a lot to say about the eating stuff.

We talked about the fact that intermittent fasting and also the high fat diets a la the Bulletproof Protocol don’t seem to work for some women. As a Commenter to my blog even stated in my last post, Dave Asprey has even addressed this. I discussed that I’d done Dukan a few times and that the weight definitely came off – but then when I started to “eat normally again” it came right back.

I mentioned that I’d just finished a month doing the Dr. Sara Gottfried “Hormone Reset” eating plan, and hadn’t seen any changes. It’s possible that this is because all the foods she has women “get off of” in a tiered fashion are foods I already don’t eat (grains, fruit, sugar/sugar substitutes, dairy, alcohol, etc.); the only thing that I gave up that I eat a fair bit of is four-footed animals. (The protein in her plan comes from seafood, birds, beans.)

So the Haylie Pomroy “Fast Metabolism” eating plan was brought up. I’d never heard of it. It’s a lot different than any of the other programs I have tried, and really different than the way we eat, which is basically Primal. For the difference between Paleo, Primal, etc. see #4 in this blog post.

Because of the Bulletproof protocol and also Gottfried, I haven’t had fruit in like three months (actually, maybe more).

In contrast, the Pomroy protocol has fruit in two of the three “Phases” that you do over 4 weeks, Each week, days 1 and 2 you eat no fat, lean protein, and then a crapload of carbs (including grains)/fruits, days 3 and 4 you eat basically your standard Paleo/Primal green (alkalizing) veggies and protein, then days 5, 6 and 7 you eat fat, some fruit (more along the berry variety), lots of veggies, protein. There’s more to it than that – some veggies are “off limits” at some times and not at others – no wheat, no corn, no soy, blah blah. But that’s the basics.

The idea behind this protocol is to address a stalled metabolism.

The first couple days are supposed to “soothe” your adrenals by giving them a ton of carbs, which they apparently like. It’s as if you are telling your body: “You have plenty of food, it’s all going to be okay.” Then the next couple days are mobilizing your fat. So over these 4 days, your body is burning your fat when it goes looking for “fat” – but not the energy that’s stored in your muscles (sugar), because it has plenty of that in what you’re eating. Then, the last three days you do eat fat, just as your body is thinking “Wait a second…There hasn’t been any fat here…we’re going to slow down the metabolism and hold onto the fat that we have, something is up.” So, it’s kinda like the whole “muscle confusion” thing, but with food.

As it is 100% different than anything I’ve done in the last year, I thought – what the heck – why not? So today was Day 1, Phase 1.

Breakfast is 3/4 cup (uncooked) of any grain on the list, and 1-1/2 cups of fruit that’s on the list. I had gluten-free slow-cooked oatmeal plus 1-1/2 cups of sour cherries. Can I tell you how much oatmeal 3/4 cup uncooked comes out to? Holy oats, Batgirl, it is a lot, a whole lot of oatmeal! (Bob’s Red Mill makes a steel cut, gluten-free oatmeal that I used.)

As with all these eating plans, you have to drink 1/2 your body weight in ounces of water daily as well – but she doesn’t let you count like water with lemon in it or herbal tea. This is an issue for me, because I hate drinking water. I perpetually forget to do it. So I filled up the biggest pitcher that I had (and it was still not big enough…) and the plan is to down it plus another few cups every day.

You are required to eat every 3-4 hours, because, as she puts it, “If you don’t, you are eating – your body is just eating your muscles.” #NomNomNom.

So snack was an orange. (It’s fruit from the list)

Then lunch is right now, and hello….this is WAY too much food. I’m having trouble eating all of this. I mean – !!!

(The interesting part, though, was that I was really hungry before lunch . . . since upping the fat I eat, I haven’t been hungry in forever. I was stomach-snarling hungry.)

Lunch is 3/4 cup (uncooked) grain, 3-4 cups veggies, 5 oz. lean protein, 1-1/2 cups fruit – all from the list. I made all the oatmeal last night, so for any meal with a “grain” I just need to cut a “slab” of it out of the casserole dish. I had it with peaches this time. Plus 1/2  of a 1/2 of a chicken breast (5 oz – big chicken), plus about 2 cups of broccoli, both from last night’s dinner. I can’t finish. It’s supposed to be more broccoli, and I just can’t do it.

Another snack (fruit) will be in 3 hours – if I’ve finished lunch by that time, mind you. (I’m trying.)

Then dinner is the same as lunch, minus the fruit. The plan is to do pork tenderloin, broccoli, maybe quinoa or rice.

You also do exercise that’s phase-specific.

Phase 1 you do Cardio at least 1 of the days.

Phase 2 Lifting at least 1 of the days.

Phase 3 Yoga at least one of the days.

We’ll see how this one goes . . . It’s sure different than anything I’ve ever done.