Review on Heidi Miller’s Diary of a Shameless Self-Promoter Podcast

Hey grrrls!

Heidi Miller reviewed fEmpowerment on the tag-end of her latest podcast. I think if you click the link below, you will get it. (My tech dude AKA my husband is out valiantly trying to resurrect our chainsaw to take down some narsty poison oak/stumps/etc. in anticipation of making a new patio and path — so I best not bother him. I have gotten posting my own podcasts down, but I’m a little unclear on the concept re others’ podcasts.)

 SO, when you take a listen (at the very end), Heidi reviews the book.  She says that she believes fEmpowerment might make a lot of women angry, because I am advocating the “empowerment that can be found” in being in a “subordinate position.”

 I would be very curious to hear from those of you who have read the book if that is what you had as your take-away, as well.  Now, granted, Heidi said she was only 1/3 of the way through the book — but I thought that it was obvious that what the Bond Girl analogy, and fEmpowerment, is all about is being #1, the CEO, the Big Kahuna in whatever you’re passionate about, but also not to forget that there are other parts of your life where being supportive (not submissive) is not only empowering, but necessary.  And to “be all you can be” in that supportive role, too (e.g., the “Being #1 at being #2” tagline).

As most of you know, the book was a product of dealing with friends, Romans and Countrymen (just kidding! — friends and clients) who were recently divorced, or were heads of companies or divisions, or the like, and either couldn’t get a date on Friday Nights or had lost the “spark” in their relationships, or who seemed to always be looking for an ROI (return on investment) in matters of the heart. The book details thoughts in this area, especially with respect to “turning it off” and “being the girl” in the guy-girl relationship. (Although we have at least one review where this has been effective, obviously, in a girl-girl relationship!)

Dr. Laura Berman in her show on has discussed this — as has Oprah now 2x in the past month or so, once with a Matchmaker who actually quite bluntly detailed what has “gone wrong” with women not wanting to “be women” today.  She also detailed that women seem to go from being “Girls” (at school) to being “Men” (duking it out to be ‘gender neutral’ in the workforce) and that they don’t have any faith in the power of Being A Woman.  Or being Supportive. Or just relaxing into it. Or going first, and treating their man like they need him. (Listen to my podcast interview with Scott Smith on this point!)

One of my favorite sidebars in the book actually has to do with Lance Armstrong and the idea of being a “domestique” (French for “maid”!) If you remember that part of the book, it discusses that when Lance was riding the Tour de France, he had a bunch of other fantastic riders who worked to be his “domestiques” — he was taking the lead, and they were doing what it took to get him over the line. However, a couple years ago, I saw Lance riding as a domestique, to another rider, when he came to ride here in San Francisco.  In that case, he was doing what it took — getting water bottles to the guy, etc. — to get him over the line.

Other readers constantly tell me the Bowling Story (“You like him? Then how about throwing a gutter ball, not trying to beat his pants off? Have some fun! Flirt!”) is their favorite. This story actually came from Sheila Kelley at S-Factor, but it’s one of my favorites, too.

To me, the “domestique” story is the perfect analogy for the Bond Girl. When she’s doing what “she does,” she’s #1, and Bond doesn’t question her — in fact, he relies on her to fly the plane, or defuse the bomb.  HOWEVER, when it’s her turn to “open the submarine door” after he’s gone out to fight the bad guys, she’s not arguing with him, saying “HEY, no WAY, I’m going to go fight the bad guys!  What, you think I’m going to be your doormat?? YOU open the door. And did you make the bed last night by the way???” — then they both drown.

 I’ll be very curious whether you, as a reader (or podcast listener) think that the idea of fEmpowerment would make “women angry who have worked hard to be the CEO.” (Which is what Heidi states.)  Think so?  Let me know, can’t wait to hear!