The last post (and my “interviews” on Girls Gone WOD Podcast) dealt with Alpha/Omega, introvert/extrovert issues. And the “3D chess” of relationships.
I don’t just mean relationships with your partner. I mean Relationships with a capital R – all relationships.
I have a Situation right now. It goes like this.
We have some great neighbors (when I say “neighbors” I mean couples, if it matters). We also have “the she” of a neighbor that “dislikes” us, due to her feud with another she-neighbor we liked, but who has since moved away.
Ah, Relationship Dynamics – since we were quite good friends with the couple that moved away, and she feuded with the “she” of that couple, we were tarred with the same brush.
Anyway – one of the great neighbors wants to have us over to dinner, and to play Cards Against Humanity. The “she” of that neighbor wants to invite the great neighbors, as well as the “she dislikes us” neighbor-couple.
So, me being me, I went into a bit of a tailspin. The idea of playing a game that was described as “super fun, rude, crazy, politically incorrect, adult” to me with anyone didn’t sound like such a great idea. (The subtitle on the game is “A Game for Horrible People.”) Even less of a good idea, playing with the neighbor that I wanted to “leave a good impression on.”
Hell – I don’t want to feel “on the spot” in front of anyone – and that includes my husband. (He has a habit, when we are in public, of contradicting me, usually when I’m trying to make a story funny – or contradicting what I say. I hate this, but I feared that this could get way out of hand in a game marketed as above.)
I had imagined that this game was sort of a “Truth or Dare” game – my honest to goodness least favorite type of game ever, after being immensely embarrassed whilst playing one at a sleep-over in 7th Grade.
Shut up, I know how long ago that was.
My friend Joy is an introverted Alpha – so she likes to have her peace, but she also has that Alpha quality that I admire. Basically things run off her back – or, more particularly, she doesn’t realize that anything is on her back to begin with ;-)
We had to postpone the dinner/cards once, because hubby had a health issue come up the night before we were going to do it. In the interim, I have gone more and more into a tailspin about the whole “game” part.
My trepidation has really exasperated the hostess. She’s tried to accommodate me – to have me over to show me how the game works. But the 3 or 4 times she’s tried, it’s usually once hubby had gotten home from what’s been really tough days at work. Me leaving my Alpha to go visit someone just wouldn’t fly . . . especially as I’m having to be on my Best Omega Behavior because of adding the dog to the mix.
So why am I frustrated?
Because my being so ridiculous and scaredy-cat about this stupid thing has exasperated the hostess. I received an email from her this morning about it, that I’ve basically turned something that “was supposed to be fun” and “pay us back for” a dinner we had them to, into a “big, heavy thing” and so now she wants to like “discuss” it.
As an aside, she also was completely blown away at our last book club, when it came out that I’m an introverted Omega. She basically “wouldn’t believe it,” for reasons I have detailed before. (She’s an Alpha.) So now it’s a “deal.” And I hate that.
Well, that’s part of why I’m frustrated at myself.
The second reason I’m frustrated at myself is that, in writing this blog post about the first frustration, I went to find a link for Cards Against Humanity. Which made me read the Wikipedia article about it. Which made me realize it wasn’t some sort of “Truth or Dare” thing – rather, it sounds like it could be fun.
So I got myself all worked up about nothing. A little research – instead of somehow combining my least favorite, embarrassing games in my head – could have made this a non-issue.
Are you ever in this situation?
Do you ever just go into full blown imagination mode, making something that you’re going to “have to do” into a huge deal? And then being embarrassed with yourself afterwards?
Sometimes I do this, and I don’t affect anyone with my mental off-the-rails thinking. I keep it to myself. So when I am actually in the situation and it’s not as bad as I imagined, I thank my stars that I didn’t voice any of my fears to anyone else.
(That does NOT go for the time that I went skydiving, however, because a friend wanted to go – that was JUST as terrifying and terrible as I had imagined – in fact, even more so LOL.)
I hate it when I actually voice some of my fears, and how it affects the dynamics of a situation. How people “want to be sure I’m having a good time,” which then makes me feel self-conscious, and spirals from there.
Argh, just SO FRUSTRATED! :-(