Down and Down

Today is a “Down Day” on the triathlon schedule. And it’s a down day for me, too.

Last night H “sat me down” (after I was complaining how exhausted I was – went to bed in the very early evening in fact), and said that he had been “thinking about it” and this “Ironman thing” was a VERY bad idea, and that if he had known more about it or thought more, he would never have said it would be Okay. As he said last night, he believes that I should have started, for example, with a Century bike ride as my “goal” (part of the Ironman, and something I can’t do yet, either), because he would have done it TOO, it would have been something we could have trained for together (like our hike down the Alps, the Big Sur marathon, etc.), and then I could “still” do the Ironman next year . . . and make my self-imposed “before I’m 50” deadline.

The thing is – I’m already IN. I’m sure there are “ways out” – but I don’t really WANT to be out. But he’s really very upset about things, like the fact that every day of the weekend (both days) there are “trainings” that I need to go to. Not like, generally, we would be doing anything significant from 9-12 on a Saturday or Sunday. But the deal is, that I will be GONE, and that I will likely come home and be tired. This weekend is the first trial of this – I have a 20 mile (oy!) bike ride Saturday morning, then a swim/run brick (in San Remote – oh I mean Ramone – no less) on Sunday. I am going to see if he will at least meet me/us on Saturday after the ride if we get something to eat, but my guess is, he won’t. And so probably staying after to have lunch or whatever they will do is a nonstarter for me. Because adding a whole social layer of friends that don’t have anything to do with him will be just Bad.

I actually get where he is coming from. If he suddenly “announced” he was going to get competition-level in Ballroom and so it would mean he would be doing a training similar to what I’m doing, I am not sure I would be happy about it. In fact, I’d probably be pissed off. And the fact that the time would just increase as training got tougher would piss me off even more. So I “get it.”

Who knows, maybe this was a big fat mistake. I haven’t said the fateful words, “Do you really want me to quit, I will find out how” yet, because I do not WANT to quit. It would be ONLY because he wants me to. But if the shoe were on the other foot, well…I would probably be feeling the same way he is. He’d be out, meeting other folks, socializing, etc. and it wouldn’t have anything to do with me or forwarding our relationship. It wouldn’t be something that “we” had chosen with our precious off time. Dunno. Maybe I was really way, way too fast at jumping into this.

Hence my getting up at 3 a.m. this morning and being unable to get back to sleep…

OK, THAT, and the fact that the more this goes on, the more it looks like a Richy Rich sport. I am SERIOUS. First, it’s just “anticipated” that everyone’s going to get a bike trainer. A used one is $100. (A bike trainer is a little contraption you put your bike on that spins the wheel and allows you to ride inside, if you didn’t know that.) THEN we’re told that we have to get bike pants – no, TWO pair of bike pants – where “the good ones, which are all you are going to want” start at $60. SIXTY BUCKS! For now, no trainer for me, and I’m going to have to make do with my 15 year old bike shorts, which have a small pad of chamois (leather) on the inside. OK, and underwear, and a pad (to be graphic). The idea of being “told” to shell out $ for this, that and the other is freaking me out. It’s assumed. YES, I will admit, that the short ride I took a few days ago I am STILL sore from. But the biking portion (which is always the one I like the least) is getting more, and more, and MORE expensive as it goes on. I guess it’s the one section with “Gear.” But holy cow. I had to break the bank to get my bike tuned up ($85, something like that) . MAYBE in a while I will get clipless pedals (seems unlikely), but that means you have to buy pedals AND shoes. Oh, and pants. And a trainer. And…

I did, however, get to realize why bikers wear those dorky bike shirts with the pockets in the back. I wore a jacket and put my stuff in the pockets, but when you’re riding, the weight of the stuff in your pockets pulls the pockets down and around, so that they’re right in front of your crotch. Not so comfy. However, not quite sure how the “back pockets” really work, as they are open. Seems like not the smartest place for a wallet and a blackberry, which is what I had. I guess I will learn….(I was given a bike shirt on the first day, because the bike guy asked if anyone did NOT have a bike jersey and I was one of about 1/2 dozen that raised my hand. Then I couldn’t wear it when I went out, because I felt like such a dork in it. I guess I will get over it – not sure I will wear it on this group ride on Saturday, I guess I should…)

Yeah, I’m down on the Down day. I’m really feeling like this was a huge fat mistake. The biking $$ piling up gets me so down that it makes my eyes tear up and my nose itch. The fact that H is not behind me on this – not that he should be, I think this was a pretty doggone selfish choice on my part, and probably not thought through, especially when I haven’t had any income for nearly 1/2 a year – is sort of the crushing blow.

Time to get outside and go grocery shopping – where are those coupons…mac and cheese, anyone…?